Look, Up In The Sky!
Not hyper enough for hypergraphiatic. Not a paragraph (of any sort). Not windy enough to throw caution to the winds, besides, already done there, sort of. Not generalized enough for stumblr. Not single-minded enough for meaningless complaints. Not a song never heard, la la la. Not clever enough to be bullsugar. Not concise enough to be funda. Not enough dirt, drama, and detail for the daily babbling and way too long for the briefer daily, in case it matters. Will is get real enough for (e)thereal? Who knows? Not whatever enough for any of them. So here we are, maybe randmly, maybe cleverly, maybe foolishly, maybe profoundly, maybe irreverently, maybe meaningfully, seriously, maybe nowhere.
That could have gone on forever, but sometimes, being me and seeing things from my perspective is often an alienating experience. Are you experienced? I just don't experience life the way most people do, at least, not based on what I see and hear, see their work and art, and/or talk to them. Substituting food is my self-destructive reaction to the self-destruction I see and feel all around me. Temporarily. Cuz it's not usually as out of control as it is in recent times, like this past year or so, more or less. Is today still Friday? Why would you let some stranger's penis into your vagina, or mouth, or asshole, before you even know the person? Or put your penis into.... well, just wondering.
People think with their penises too much and penises have no brains.
Meanwhile, animal lust aside, I've always looked for deeper things, more meaningful meanings and connections in everything, especially people. Connections, that is what the magic is about. Mindless sex is fun and amazing when the chemistry is irresistible, but life is so much more. Pity the people who settle for less, which is like most? Besides, the diseases just keep mutating and who knows who has what these days, aye? Anyway, as I was saying before we were rudely interrupted by natural selection (are you sufficiently titillated yet?), this entry could not find a home, so it hasn't been anywhere yet. If you are reading it, we must have found it a home. Mismatched or not, cha cha cha.
The chocolate mousse was wonderful.
The earbuds died in the middle of this song (which may have been one of the core stories of my life if I actually heard all the words and someone got deep enough with me to inspire me to feel again, but that's another story and it has at least one fatal flaw that would keep it off the soundrack, which is yet another story) and searching for the singer, I found this guy (who probably isn't the singer, but effectively demonstrates the blind carelessness of the medical industry and general selfishness of people in general, bu that's another story too), but I think I found the actual singer. He mumbles too much and is way too self-centric and shallow, I mean, so much love inside but instead of asking someone to let him put a little love on them, he wants someone to put a little love on him. If he's got so much inside, why ask for more? People just don't seem to understand love is giving, not receiving. Receiving is something else entirely (and not satisfying, which is why most relationships end in numbing compromise or just plain end... love never ends, in case you didn't know... but that's still yet another story too).
Are we full of ourselves yet?
Full of other stories, I suppose. I just noticed that Notepad puts an asterisk in front of the name of the file at the top of the Notepad (next to the Notepad icon) when the file has not been saved. Has that always been there? Have I just not noticed it after years of using Notepad for babbling on like this? If so, what else have I gone through life not noticing? See what sleeping until 2:30 in the afternoon can do? My eyes and nose are still puffy with overnight mucous and the tinnitus is still altering my experience of sounds, but suddenly I am so much more aware. Maybe.
I really should clean this place. I'd post photos, but I don't have a handy USB cable and have never learned how to use icloud or icloud drive or one drive on my home devices. Someone set up onedrive on my work devices, so I can transfer photos easily there. One of these days I will use some on my massive brain power to read the instructions.
What? You expect this to be any different than the rambling entries of the past? I am still coming out of the blue and bored and caring as ever even if nobody cares and someday I might even make a record of a life, or someone's, at least, cuz not everything is the intimate revealing personal truth, ya know? Especially not in a writer's world. I mean, sometimes I forget who I am amidst all the babble.
Laughing at one's self happens on the line between genius and insanity. Of course, if you understand that insanity is often just misunderstood genius, you wouldn't worry so much. Goo.
It could all be illusion.
And then, a switch (which witch is a revealing little bitch? this witch, this one - pointing a moi), to satisfy a seven year itch, came along like a tornado and inspired me to write to old friends like this:
once again, for clarity (not charity), with all the love and wishes and hopes and believe in caring there is in this or any universe, I come here to sing I'd buy a big house where we all could live and hope that the internet somehow sends some message to you so you know you are loved and cared about and thought of...
P, dear, P, you've kept hope alive with actual entries in our blog family https://theblogfam.blogspot.com over the years... I wish I could hug you for that, and then, to set back so you could see in my eyes how much your words mean to me. Connections make life meaningful, even when the connections appear far and few between... may the blog family live on!
Z, dear Z, may magic bring you back to life as if january 13th, 2009 never happened... I don't recall the date I was banished from Canada, but that was a death for me too and somehow, I remain in this life, in these words, on the internet and more... I'm not sure how exactly, other than to keep believing there is still hope simple because I keep hoping there is still hope... may Z0tl live again!
J, dear J... I'm not suppose to, but I say I love you out here in the world wide web just because I hope it feels good for you to know you are loved...
Q, dear Q, where you ever here?... other worldly friend of the electronic space-time, I hope you find this one day...
If you are missing from this, please forgive and reach out. I am heading out in a few minutes and don't have time for a search of my mind, or even of the links on this page or the previous daily where all the links to all of you wee kept.
And A, A1, A2, A3, and all the other Anonymouses... may you find your way back here and continue to show me you are real, for one real Anonymous is so much more fun and rewarding and meaningful than all the other Anonymouses combined.
(this part got too long so it became another blog entry to catch up on life, in case you were interested, or something like that)
The links on the upper right lead to my current dailies and more. You can also find me here 325-1482 in the Orlando Florida area code. I let unknown numbers go to voicemail, but will respond to messages when I have time and usually respond to texts within a day, sometimes immediately if I am not busy working or playing softball.
So how are you?
I really really really want to know (know the lyric?) :)
I wish you peace, love, and magic!
It had some roots back here, all those years ago, in case you wondered, and that was reminiscing about a decade earlier than that. The internet, a momentary blip in the human timeline (as the human is a momentary blip in the planet's timeline, no less the universe's and so on and so... forth), still spans some lifetimes, or at least a large part of some, for some of us... some times.
If you want to know about me today (and don't want to explore my written gardens or daily blogs or call, even, Life is good. Loneliness comes around less often as I've accepted my differences and no longer seek compromise, much lol. the major changes were recorded and remain, and I am floating around the net these days, other daily blogs have replaced this one, and dozens of other blogs have sprouted untouted, but longing for notice just the same. I seldom Tweet, but exist there. I rarely Facebook, but have a few large clans there (various softball teams, to mention a few, and dozens of pages I've created over the years that occasional receive content), I am alive, in my own way, in many places online.
Offline is where I mostly live. I work a lot, love my job, and am usually not home until 6 or later after leaving the house around 7. I still play softball, a lot, and love almost every minute of it. Still winning more than losing, amazingly, and this season may be one of the best yet. Or second. I still text a lot with my best friend, but seldom have much else going on in life. There are dinners and invites to lots of things, but I just don't find time or energy or more than anything, inspiration or motivation to go. People seldom interest me for more than a few moments anymore, which is sad, but I tired of the repetitious fears and judgments humans seem to wear as a shield, some so proudly it stinks, so I enjoy my reclusive personal life and stay busy 80-90 hours a week with work and softball. Still travelling for tournaments as well.
I share a 2200 sq ft house, so have lots of space (though most of my storage stuff remains in New York where I put it 25 years ago) and it is comfortable here. My roommate is a younger guy with a very compatible personality and outlook on life, who brings two kids into my world every week or so and they are very respectful as kids go. I love the space in which I live, in spite of the diminished privacy when the kids are here (due to the layout, not them, as their bedrooms, the laundry room, the garage, and the front door are on my side of the house). Mostly, it's quiet and just right for me here.
What else would you like to know?
This entry could go on, and may, but for now I've done whatever it was that brought me to the babble point tonight and I remind myself that I must be at the fields for softball very early tomorrow, so six hours sleep would be a very good idea and I might get almost that if I stop now.
If you are out there, let me know....
posted by candoor at 1:09 AM
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