staring silently into the silence
as most of my online spaces are completely silent lately... and I realize that another weekend passed without updating behind the candoor and in a way it's good for me to let this time pass because that part of me that craves attention and enjoyed the illusion of popularity is checked and brought back to reality, which makes the few of you who remain all the more real and important...
so this thank you to you, dear readers, means a lot more to me today and I hope it means a lot more to you too...
my rambling online is not over, but ironically the silence helps me refocus my priorities and remember that life is offline and the connections we make online are mostlytransitory and ultimately, most words shared are meaningless in the long run... when I pretend there is something more I can fall into the trap of expecting more and therein falling into a blues and feel sorry for myself when disappointment swallows the illusion...
seems silly at the moment as clarity returns...
no worries if you enjoy my little ego trips, they will return as ego loves to imagine that the babbling fool is the vital key to humanity's survival and enlightenment (and of course we all take ego quite seriously because ego knows, right?)... but that's another time and place...
around here, when I got home from the 17 hour shift yesterday I found the power off... silly me (and no little help from my friends), the electric bill did not find it's way into my hands, nor did the blue bill (warning of turn off)... mail gets lost around here, which is why all important mail goes to the PO Box... except the electric bill because the stupid electric company refuses to send the bill anywhere but the address of service no matter how many times I've asked nicely and explained that the bill gets lost at this address and all the other services cooperate...
that's supposed to be why monopolies are illegal, because when a company has a monopoly the customer gets the hose, not service... of course the whole illusion that we are free and have rights in this capitalistic culture is a farce anyway, so the electric company can do anything they please and disregarding the customer's requests (and turning off power) is just one right they have... so I called and gave them a thousand bucks so the bill will be paid for a couple of months and thanked them again for reminding me that they could care less about their customers needs...
and they wonder why I don't want to trust them with automatic payment of bills...
on the other end of the good business policies, my storage place lets me slide six months (and longer) behind knowing I'll send them a payment for a full year and so I am happy to pay ahead to them... and that's what I did instead of sleeping after the 17 hour shift... I ordered food since cooking was impossible as it was raining (no barbecue) and there was no power (and everything in Florida is electric)...
that was Monday... Tuesday I got home and fell asleep and finally woke up in the evening to watch Dead Like Me (totally forgot it was on, but luckilly my channel surfing roommates reminded me when they skipped by it as they surfed and I reminded them I asked for TV time Tuesday evenings because of that show and the show that followed, Eureka... it's been years since I actually tried to watch a weekly show and I'll probably forget and miss some, but I like the shows and hope to catch more of them...
and then I wrote the last entry and went to work and then, it's now... nothing exciting, just a life in progress in the dull stages of crusing on a plateau that allows for some comforts, but little time for extended (like several days or weeks in a row) activities without working... ironically, when I was independently wealthy and had much more excitement and changes and unique experiences to report had I been keeping a public blog, there was no internet...
thanks for caring and sharing the dull grind of life today... I still love it and have much fun even without the freedom to do anything or go anywhere on the spur of the moment cuz I even have fun staring silently into silence, or space, for that matter cuz I enjoy myself... and I hope you are enjoying your life even more than I enjoy mine...
so this thank you to you, dear readers, means a lot more to me today and I hope it means a lot more to you too...
my rambling online is not over, but ironically the silence helps me refocus my priorities and remember that life is offline and the connections we make online are mostlytransitory and ultimately, most words shared are meaningless in the long run... when I pretend there is something more I can fall into the trap of expecting more and therein falling into a blues and feel sorry for myself when disappointment swallows the illusion...
seems silly at the moment as clarity returns...
no worries if you enjoy my little ego trips, they will return as ego loves to imagine that the babbling fool is the vital key to humanity's survival and enlightenment (and of course we all take ego quite seriously because ego knows, right?)... but that's another time and place...
around here, when I got home from the 17 hour shift yesterday I found the power off... silly me (and no little help from my friends), the electric bill did not find it's way into my hands, nor did the blue bill (warning of turn off)... mail gets lost around here, which is why all important mail goes to the PO Box... except the electric bill because the stupid electric company refuses to send the bill anywhere but the address of service no matter how many times I've asked nicely and explained that the bill gets lost at this address and all the other services cooperate...
that's supposed to be why monopolies are illegal, because when a company has a monopoly the customer gets the hose, not service... of course the whole illusion that we are free and have rights in this capitalistic culture is a farce anyway, so the electric company can do anything they please and disregarding the customer's requests (and turning off power) is just one right they have... so I called and gave them a thousand bucks so the bill will be paid for a couple of months and thanked them again for reminding me that they could care less about their customers needs...
and they wonder why I don't want to trust them with automatic payment of bills...
on the other end of the good business policies, my storage place lets me slide six months (and longer) behind knowing I'll send them a payment for a full year and so I am happy to pay ahead to them... and that's what I did instead of sleeping after the 17 hour shift... I ordered food since cooking was impossible as it was raining (no barbecue) and there was no power (and everything in Florida is electric)...
that was Monday... Tuesday I got home and fell asleep and finally woke up in the evening to watch Dead Like Me (totally forgot it was on, but luckilly my channel surfing roommates reminded me when they skipped by it as they surfed and I reminded them I asked for TV time Tuesday evenings because of that show and the show that followed, Eureka... it's been years since I actually tried to watch a weekly show and I'll probably forget and miss some, but I like the shows and hope to catch more of them...
and then I wrote the last entry and went to work and then, it's now... nothing exciting, just a life in progress in the dull stages of crusing on a plateau that allows for some comforts, but little time for extended (like several days or weeks in a row) activities without working... ironically, when I was independently wealthy and had much more excitement and changes and unique experiences to report had I been keeping a public blog, there was no internet...
thanks for caring and sharing the dull grind of life today... I still love it and have much fun even without the freedom to do anything or go anywhere on the spur of the moment cuz I even have fun staring silently into silence, or space, for that matter cuz I enjoy myself... and I hope you are enjoying your life even more than I enjoy mine...
posted by candoor at 8:17 AM
1 Comments:
I'm afraid I must disagree with you when you say "....life is offline and the connections we make online are mostlytransitory and ultimately, most words shared are meaningless in the long run..." Of course there is life offline which is what we call "real life" but to me connections are connections, whether made online or offline, and sure, there are disappointments and transitions and hurts to be found online (I've had my share for sure) just as there are offline. But the connections that do last and do stand the test of time are just as valuable to me as the ones that are the real deal offline. I do miss your insights on behind the candoor, but am glad you have this space for keeping in contact. Your words are far from meaningless to this web wanderer, for whatever that is worth. I've seen the beauty that resides in your spirit, the love you nourish there...the world needs that, it needs your love..it needs your sincerity, your honesty and your passion.
(I agree with you about the electric company though :)
peace and well being....
-sea
Post a Comment
<< Home