selective vision

on page 2913 of the coast to coast website, which i believe is the art bell radio show, i found this:

On July 22, 2006, I walked over to the window and saw this moth on my outside air conditioner unit. It was the most bizarre thing I had seen in a long time. I retrieved my digital camera and snapped a picture through the glass and the window screen before going outside in a failed to attempt to capture the moth.

I contacted a moth expert. He told me what kind of moth it was, but added that he had never seen one with a cross on its back like this one. I call it the 'Crusader Moth.'

--Dennis Latham

oddly, the original post presenting the moth was edited for the coast to coast website (not that a website editing is odd, but the omissions changed the original more than a little in my mind) and had i read dennis latham’s words i might not have thought this:

have you ever seen a picture of a mounted butterfly or moth with it’s antennae pointing downward?... i searched around and didn’t find one… it would be like standing on your head… so if we stand on our head, we’d probably see a cross too… but if we place the moth in the position every other preserved moth is placed in photographs and stood on our own two feet, we see an upside down cross…

and what does an upside down cross mean?

so just what is this moth crusading for, anyway?...

so i wrote dennis a comment and forgot to paste the comment after i sent it and dennis screens his comments, so i may never remember exactly what i wrote, but it went something like this:

two and a half years and not a single comment?... that in itself may most effectively demonstrate the power of the media… i’d have expected this image to be waved around and discussed in religious and pseudo-religious circles with great controversy…

but since the moth performed no miracles, it may have been an evolutionary error in the second coming, which might explain why he did not stick around for an interview… of course if we view the moth in the traditional antennae up position, the cross is upside down, which may mean you were visited by the anti-christ, who also had a bit of a blunder with the genes…

of course it could have simply been a moth… i wonder what the design would have looked like with the wings spread open… now if it turned into a jewish star, that would have been quite the metamorphosis…

i do believe i elaborated on the comment, but it may never appear on dennis’s site, so whether you are amused, offended, bored, or something else, here you have it…

and the love

well, my bags are all packed and I've got a couple of hours before the flight… I don't have any reason to take the laptop with me this time as I will just have a couple of hours tonight after checking in about 8PM and I'll grab some dinner and vege to sleep cuz tomorrow they have everything planned for all day and evening (some sort of reception at 5PM and banquet at 7PM) and then Thursday I'm scooting right to the airport in Nashville after the half day seminar and then right from the airport in Orlando to the concert in Melbourne and then home, which may be approaching sunrise Friday morning…

I have an appointment with an ear doctor for Monday, couldn't get one sooner… I definitely have something going on as the ear isn't working too well… maybe it's more than just impacted wax, as I used to get that every few years as a younger child… could be an ear infection, though there's no pain… I'm gonna see if I can see a doc at a walk-in clinic around the corner on my way to the airport… it would not be a good thing to lose hearing in the right ear as I already have tinnitus in the left… all those rock concerts catch up with the poor hair-like things in the ears… the seminar might be a waste of time if I can't hear the speaker… where can i get a crash course in lip reading, nyuk nyuk, eeep…

life has been very busy at work and each evening of late (as the calendar on the right sidebar can show if you're interested in the details of what i do with my time away from work and away from here)… much fun, mostly… still no love interest, sex interest, or closer friend interest, but connections continue to be made (through meetups and softball and other things) and numbers keep getting added to my phone and any moment could change everything in the social life… two softball games a week have tested the leg (left hamstring) and it seems to be healing on time… it's the fifth week of the doctor's ordered "no running for six weeks" (yeah, so I play softball twice a week, right) and i am starting to trot down to first base after hitting the ball and even waved off the pinch runner in the last game and trotted to second (where the team left me, alas, the Sunday team is 0-5, though we finally made it to the six inning this past weekend and scored seven runs, so improvement is noted)… i can feel the twinge, but also feel the healing and it i don't over-do it, the leg should be fine…

writing has been at the lowest ebb it's been since the Toronto years when love and family took all the time and i hardly wrote for months at a time.. words still pop out regularly and as the vigilant know, they find their way on to the web in many ways, but this is the first time i am sitting down to catch up with life in RealTime™ since the last entry… and while there are hundreds of details to fill in, there's just no time to do that just now…

if you had any impulse to, please don't use my telephone number until Friday cuz i don't have nationwide service and do not need the roaming charges… i will be back in Orlando on Friday and hopefully will find time to be here (and in your written worlds too) over the weekend… so i leave you with a big smile on my face about life around here and a sad smile about missing you and hope you find something similar going on around your face, whether that's actually physically or mentally ethereally… i shall be back, here, there, and everywhere, cuz that's what i do… and until then, thank you for the interest, the attention, the affection, and the love…

the end of the year as we know it

fine?... well, i don't feel necessarily fine, but i do feel amazed and magical and euphoric down deep inside most of the time, which occasionally flows through in spite of the surface physical feeling of bloat and waste, which is probably why this last entry for the year we commonly call 2007 is not quite the cumulative summary or even coherent wrap up of the year, nor will it be (unless it surprises me big time) the emotional catharsis or beautiful devotion to me, you, or life that i really could use at least once more before i die so i can start living as i know living once again, but it is an entry for us to enjoy and pass some time and most of all, keep in touch (which is the bottom line, after all)…

so let's get to it, ok?…

well, i thought i was doing something good, but apparently something went very wrong… i bought a mybook external hard drive and moved all of my music over to the mybook and deleted it from my hard drive because i was running out of hard drive space, but somehow a lot of the music files disappeared in the transfer… and i already deleted them from the hard drive… so i lost a whole lot of music and some of it was already on the computer so it is gone… boo hoo…

and the mybook external drive is so slow… i think it's because it's going through a USB 1.0 hub because the laptop only has on working USB port and so i connected a hub, but i think it's an old hub and only 1.0… but it's so slow that i doubt 2.0 will be much more satisfactory… the laptop doesn't have a firewire or eSATA connection… the good news is the laptop now has room on it's hard drive… the bad news is some of the music is missing…

the iTunes program has not been popular with my peanut gallery… it seems to be inconvenient and more complicated than a music player ought to be, from my dumb consumer perspective… i am considering giving up on it and trying some other music player… anybody have a favorite that isn't iTunes or the Microsoft one?...

so i've spent the entire night waiting for the 40 GB of music and video files to move over to the mybook… it's taken ten hours… it'll be another bunch of hours before things are back to useful if i can get the iTunes back there… i'll be distracted by this and television for most of the weekend and into the new year, so i wouldn't expect much writing or life happening, especially since i am surrounded by dead people and know no one alive who would call on me to go out or do anything these days… especially not anything healthy… luckily, i have the softball team and meetup when i want to do something with others… and my own internal sense of balance keeps me from dying too much, but it's not always as much fun by myself as it used to be…

a long phase, this phase, aye?...

meanwhile, in keeping with my investigations of humanness and most particularly, the egocentric limits the human places on their own minds and perspectives, i look up at the television (can it get any more exciting?)…

listening to music television, specifically listening to the latest rockers or bands or pop songwriters talk about the writing process, is odd to me… they sounds as though it is some vast process, some massive undertaking, and some flash of brilliance that creates the words, the theme, the idea, and the song… not to diminish the creative process, for it is fun and magical, but it is momentary and very paradoxical… so much of success for a song is due to luck, timing, contacts, and many other rather random factors… and the ideas, they are not something nearly as unique and brilliant as the songwriter often believes… it's probably been said a hundred times before in a hundred different ways, some that would be more popular than currently popular songs, but for the key missing ingredients – timing, contacts, and luck…

there was a time, many years worth of time, in fact, when i wrote a dozen rhyming lyrical bits of brilliance a day… once, when i was really obsessive compulsive, i counted the titled bits of rhyme (titles meant i felt the words were finished enough for being a poem or song on their own) and came up with more than thirty thousand… that was back in the early nineties… i haven't been quite as obsessive compulsive since then, except for at work sometimes, but that’s another story… i wrote less in the late nineties due to being obsessed with being in love and actualizing daily life with a family of six in which i was primary home parent person, but came the new century and the rhyming started again (remember?), but in the last year or so that's winding down again as apathy or ambivalence or both seem to be the dominant factors as i passed through the middle of the first decade of the new century…

do you get the current-tv channel?... it's fascinatingly in the moment, sorta… and for about a third of the time, the videos (or pods, as they call them) are vc2 or viewer created content… yup, anyone can send in videos and get them on tv… it is, perhaps, the most interactive tv on tv today and definitely ranks up at the top of best distractions available on tv…

of course i choose to point out a particular pod that relates to sex so i can foster my prurient fantasies (do i really do that?... only my hairdresser knows, and others who visit and spend some time with me, i suppose)… but i would like to meet an energetic sensual wild and crazy (and i'd say kinky, but humans define kinky in so many different ways and much of the kinkiness many people call kinky has no appeal at all to me, so wild and free and fun and sensual and fit and playful and goofy and unafraid of sex or nudity and laughing at sex and mocking anything and the wonderful rush of the occasional shock value experience and so on seems like a better description than kinky, just saying…

so i might take a closer look at Amber who has her very own amber doll and is doing this as a performance artist but hopefully is also getting off sensually or sexually or both on the experience cuz otherwise, what is art, anyway?... whether art or just a tax-deductable way of acting out favorite perversions, it's surely narcissism at it's best, and the fame got he a job…

there is so much more to choose from at current dot com and naturally, i did not paint the site in it's best light, but then, how can we find amusement in the best light (i don't really think that is actually a question), but it is obviously the missing link in my seemingly never ending quest to become human for, well, just look at all the humanity or something like the news guy screamed when the Hindenberg blew up, and i will probably watch the news year in review again one day, so whatever may be may be, i'll leave the subject for the moment with all the fun of the top five musical youtubers of 2007 (especially for your cynical wit, z, but the rest of us will probably be even more fascinated)…

there's always chris crocker to bring in the new year...

and that, wonderkin, is but one of many dozens of other distractions that have kept me away and dormant and vegetating of late and we come to the close of yet another year by the standard calendar used by most humans these days… it has been, if i am to summarize assess or somehow comparatively measure or judge, even, the year, eh… much to applaud and appreciate (especially you wonderful reader-friends) and much to laugh at (especially me and the rest of the world) and much to pity and change (perhaps the change will come next year)…

no grand profundity, no profound resolutions, just hope for improvement and positive change for everyone and for me, in my egocentric life, starting with me… have fun and enjoy yourself…