super, naturally
believing that anything is possible and everything could be really happening somewhere at some time, there is a comfort in supernatural ideas, science fiction concepts, and fantasy stories... this is one of the choices I make, what I do with my faith, that separates me from most people alive today and yet, gives me a feeling of security and satisfaction and pleasure that nothing else can give me...
I don't understand why everyone does not make this choice... I can rationalize that fear keeps people from leaving their mental boxes, but consider the logic in believing that you have the power to see anything as you want to see it, that you have the power to choose how you feel about everything, that you can choose to find the joy, the pleasure, the benefits, the beauty, the wonder and excitement in every experience... if you could, wouldn't you?... well, I believe you can because I can and do it most of the time (occasionally I forget I can)...
anyway, life is not exactly perfect at any time and these days this experience I call my life is missing an essential ingredient or few, but it makes no sense to make less enjoyment of chocolate ice cream just because there's no hot fudge, whipped cream, or other toppings at the moment...
or even a bowl...
ok, so what's new?... Rasputin is at work, as usual... he's one of the few people I know who works more than I do... Precious is around, as usual... summerbreak ends this weekend and she'll have a busier life again so I'll have some alone time at home again, when I am home...
meanwhile, Minnie is looking to move back to Orlando and I wish I could help more than I have, but I can give hundreds, not the thousands she needs to get herself a place (probably about $2500 up front for an apartment due to just starting a new job and not having good credit... places around here have three criteria, good credit, two years in a job, and two years at a residence and a month's rent deposit for any of the criteria not met... she can prove two years at a residence, but the other two will require two months in addition to the first {and often first and last month} before signing the lease... sucks to be poor)...
so she's looking for a place to stay and I'm looking around this place and feeling crappy cuz there's no place really what with the three of us all having different schedules... and I don't know anyone in town who has a place she can stay at... I'm torn about helping more cuz over the last ten years every time I piled up some savings and was ready to treat myself to that new computer I keep dreaming about (or music or move the stuff in storage down here), Minnie comes along needing the money I saved more than I do and I'm back to square one...
a few months ago I gave her money for a car and insurance... this week I gave her money for gas and food so she could get to job interviews and she found a job in town, so now I am pondering how it would be to have her stay here with Rasputin and Precious and me... she has a boyfriend and custody of her brother's daughter and they'll probably want to come here too and that'll mean they'll be asking for more time (to help watch the kid) and money (cuz they never seem to have any) and I don't have enough of either for myself as it is...
the odd thing is I have no biological family, so it's just my choice and generosity that created the bond that keeps her coming back for more help whenever she needs it... I have this history of finding people looking for a daddy and letting them call me daddy... I make this choice often because I love helping, but I'm often left with little or nothing but the good feeling of helping and I'm wondering more and more when I might give myself some of the loving I give others...
someone of us make a conscious choice to live a life of servitude, usually some priesthood or monk-like life... I just take it day to day and while waiting for someone who might be like me to come along to share the life experience, I just do my thing, giving what I can to people I love... it's the best I can do alone... but I wonder sometimes if this choice of way is not one of the things that keeps me alone...
I suppose there are many who sacrifice their own dreams and interests in order to help others and to raise families, most people, perhaps... I've been doing it all through this life, but without a partner, I do it alone and without the biological family ties, I lose touch with the kids and teens...
I hope they are all ok and I haven't enabled more dependency than is healthy... and as for me, yeah, it's lonely sometimes and now and then I wonder if I'll ever know what it's like to be taken care of (I've been fending for myself in almost every way since I was a little kid), but I love the sweet taste of giving and living life even if it is just the chocolate ice cream and does not come with the extras that make a perfect sundae...
meanwhile, when I figure out how I'm gonna help Minnie, I'll feel better than the everyday good feeling I choose to feel... at the moment, a few big piles of laundry are going to start washing themselves...
hope your world is as much fun as mine J
I don't understand why everyone does not make this choice... I can rationalize that fear keeps people from leaving their mental boxes, but consider the logic in believing that you have the power to see anything as you want to see it, that you have the power to choose how you feel about everything, that you can choose to find the joy, the pleasure, the benefits, the beauty, the wonder and excitement in every experience... if you could, wouldn't you?... well, I believe you can because I can and do it most of the time (occasionally I forget I can)...
anyway, life is not exactly perfect at any time and these days this experience I call my life is missing an essential ingredient or few, but it makes no sense to make less enjoyment of chocolate ice cream just because there's no hot fudge, whipped cream, or other toppings at the moment...
or even a bowl...
ok, so what's new?... Rasputin is at work, as usual... he's one of the few people I know who works more than I do... Precious is around, as usual... summerbreak ends this weekend and she'll have a busier life again so I'll have some alone time at home again, when I am home...
meanwhile, Minnie is looking to move back to Orlando and I wish I could help more than I have, but I can give hundreds, not the thousands she needs to get herself a place (probably about $2500 up front for an apartment due to just starting a new job and not having good credit... places around here have three criteria, good credit, two years in a job, and two years at a residence and a month's rent deposit for any of the criteria not met... she can prove two years at a residence, but the other two will require two months in addition to the first {and often first and last month} before signing the lease... sucks to be poor)...
so she's looking for a place to stay and I'm looking around this place and feeling crappy cuz there's no place really what with the three of us all having different schedules... and I don't know anyone in town who has a place she can stay at... I'm torn about helping more cuz over the last ten years every time I piled up some savings and was ready to treat myself to that new computer I keep dreaming about (or music or move the stuff in storage down here), Minnie comes along needing the money I saved more than I do and I'm back to square one...
a few months ago I gave her money for a car and insurance... this week I gave her money for gas and food so she could get to job interviews and she found a job in town, so now I am pondering how it would be to have her stay here with Rasputin and Precious and me... she has a boyfriend and custody of her brother's daughter and they'll probably want to come here too and that'll mean they'll be asking for more time (to help watch the kid) and money (cuz they never seem to have any) and I don't have enough of either for myself as it is...
the odd thing is I have no biological family, so it's just my choice and generosity that created the bond that keeps her coming back for more help whenever she needs it... I have this history of finding people looking for a daddy and letting them call me daddy... I make this choice often because I love helping, but I'm often left with little or nothing but the good feeling of helping and I'm wondering more and more when I might give myself some of the loving I give others...
someone of us make a conscious choice to live a life of servitude, usually some priesthood or monk-like life... I just take it day to day and while waiting for someone who might be like me to come along to share the life experience, I just do my thing, giving what I can to people I love... it's the best I can do alone... but I wonder sometimes if this choice of way is not one of the things that keeps me alone...
I suppose there are many who sacrifice their own dreams and interests in order to help others and to raise families, most people, perhaps... I've been doing it all through this life, but without a partner, I do it alone and without the biological family ties, I lose touch with the kids and teens...
I hope they are all ok and I haven't enabled more dependency than is healthy... and as for me, yeah, it's lonely sometimes and now and then I wonder if I'll ever know what it's like to be taken care of (I've been fending for myself in almost every way since I was a little kid), but I love the sweet taste of giving and living life even if it is just the chocolate ice cream and does not come with the extras that make a perfect sundae...
meanwhile, when I figure out how I'm gonna help Minnie, I'll feel better than the everyday good feeling I choose to feel... at the moment, a few big piles of laundry are going to start washing themselves...
hope your world is as much fun as mine J
posted by candoor at 9:36 AM
2 Comments:
I take it
you are taking time out
Me too
I'm down to one post every other day, a bit like cutting down on smoking, ... more oxigen in my lungs, means more reaches my brain, super naturally. lol!
It isn't possible for people to step out of their mental boxes because it is too frightening to them to think about what they may discover about everything they believed to be true while walking around in a fog. Awakening to the supernatural, to the power within to create your own reality also brings with it effort, responsibility, energy, and a sense of personal power that some would find too overwhelming to wake up to. Thank you, as always, for your words, for being you, for sharing so much of yourself in this funky world of cyberspace. It is a joy to follow you in your wanderings and keep up with your happenings.
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