limited temptations
these days, food seems to be the primary temptation in life for me... people don't... activities don't... most everything is bland and uninspiring out there and until I bring it inside and build a fantasy around it, I'm bored... I am seldom bored though, cuz my mind continuously gives me play time...
I would like more variations in stimulations from outside of myself, but I only pretend to control everything in the universe (there, I confessed, will you all stop reading me now?... what if I mentioned I was giggling?)... most seriously, I feel lucky that I find fun and wonder in most everything, even during these times when life gets so routine and shallow that it is mostly created in my head...
I have seven days off starting tonight and have nothing planned... feels great and not lonely yet, but I sense it on the horizon (especially cuz I am so way overtired at the moment)... I suppose it's just a matter of time before I step up and stop waiting for inspiration to come from outside of myself again and simply do what I know is best for me in spite of not being able to share it or thank anyone else for inspiring me, but I don't think I'll ever stop dreaming of finding my best friend...
I think that last thought popped into consciousness while I was reading one of my favorite online inspirations for hope for love and partnering... as she says, it is wonderful to be lucky enough to marry your best friend...
I am probably looking in the wrong places... or more likely, just not looking... accepting the possibility that I am in the wrong place and time for finding someone compatible and satisfying seems like a sad kind of giving up mindset... maybe it's time to ponder that... or just realize that I accept it and enjoy life anyway cuz that is what I do... my decision?... and who else might it be? (duh)...
sometimes I think I just write to think and sometimes I think I write just to stop thinking, but mostly I write to amuse myself... and as much as I love writing and amusing myself, well, you know J
maybe it's just cuz I haven't had chocolate all week...
time to get some food, since all I had for dinner tonight was a little soup... and then, perhaps some browsing for amusement with that hope of finding my best friend along the way... maybe tonight is the night I am finally done with my solitary journey... I mean, there must be somebody somewhere who wants to share the journey I am on cuz we are both on it...
yeah, mind and body obviously could benefit from sleep...
laterz, dudes J
I would like more variations in stimulations from outside of myself, but I only pretend to control everything in the universe (there, I confessed, will you all stop reading me now?... what if I mentioned I was giggling?)... most seriously, I feel lucky that I find fun and wonder in most everything, even during these times when life gets so routine and shallow that it is mostly created in my head...
I have seven days off starting tonight and have nothing planned... feels great and not lonely yet, but I sense it on the horizon (especially cuz I am so way overtired at the moment)... I suppose it's just a matter of time before I step up and stop waiting for inspiration to come from outside of myself again and simply do what I know is best for me in spite of not being able to share it or thank anyone else for inspiring me, but I don't think I'll ever stop dreaming of finding my best friend...
I think that last thought popped into consciousness while I was reading one of my favorite online inspirations for hope for love and partnering... as she says, it is wonderful to be lucky enough to marry your best friend...
I am probably looking in the wrong places... or more likely, just not looking... accepting the possibility that I am in the wrong place and time for finding someone compatible and satisfying seems like a sad kind of giving up mindset... maybe it's time to ponder that... or just realize that I accept it and enjoy life anyway cuz that is what I do... my decision?... and who else might it be? (duh)...
sometimes I think I just write to think and sometimes I think I write just to stop thinking, but mostly I write to amuse myself... and as much as I love writing and amusing myself, well, you know J
maybe it's just cuz I haven't had chocolate all week...
time to get some food, since all I had for dinner tonight was a little soup... and then, perhaps some browsing for amusement with that hope of finding my best friend along the way... maybe tonight is the night I am finally done with my solitary journey... I mean, there must be somebody somewhere who wants to share the journey I am on cuz we are both on it...
yeah, mind and body obviously could benefit from sleep...
laterz, dudes J
Labels: btc, chocolate, choices, duh, food, giggle, hope, life, loneliness, love, missing, secrets, sigh, sleepy
posted by candoor at 10:34 PM
5 Comments:
nuttin planned? time to hop on the next red eye to sandy eggo then!
ps: destructive tendencies lynklane broken, oh teh genius!
if I didn't have so many backlogged things to do in my head and life, and if I had the funds to buy the items higher on my priority list than travel, I would... all I need then is a winning lottery ticket :)
and yeah, dontcha just love the irony of a blog that calls out my name, inspires conversation, dares me to "keep up", and then deletes itself the very next day :)
I hope to find motivation to remember where the gym is during this next week... I do that and I'll feel like I actually accomplished one of those high priority tasks... that'll be a really ginormous smile :)
well, i finished bach's one and it wasn't syrupy as much as i feared after your warning.
fuzzy feely many quantum wxrld:z interpretation, soft sci-fi, i wrapped it up in a few hours.
mebbe i should read all the other bach stuff: bridge across forever, there's no such place as far away, there's more stuff before jonathan, i'll have to see as i go...
enjoy your vacation!
I'm not even recalling all the Bach stuff, but I know one of his books was a reflection on falling in love with his "one" (though I believe that relationship came to an end somewhere along the way)...
he may be almost as hopelessly hopefully romantic as I am...
my brain is foggy, extended stagnation in the body over time and the synapses are numb...
strange sort of death walk, this waiting for someone to push the right button... the very fact that I choose this stagnating path might turn the one who can push the right button away, and yet, perhaps not...
I don't think the gumdrops understand...
it's pretty funny i get hits from your pages still...thanks for remembering even when i am a delinquent d-lander. [grin]
~ nebby
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