on becoming human...
ok, back to yesterday, which would be Thursday by the normal calendar time-keeping system used by most humans... ah yes, humans... what a ridiculous concept... you may have noticed, or not, the side bar that kind of starts off by stating the mission or concept or purpose or guiding light or some sort of idea for this blog... I don't suppose I mention it much, but then, neither does anyone else (oh really?) and I shouldn't oughta be the only one answering the question, after all (nudge nudge, wink wink, wanna buy a blind bat?... nyuk nyuk paddy wack give a dog a bone)...
yeah, and with the ever increasing interactions with humans of late (intentional and unintentional, professionally and privately), I am increasingly reminded of late as to why I took the path less travelled almost the moment I left the womb (presuming that is how I got here)... consciously, I suppose it was a bit later than that, by a few months or a couple of years maybe, but there are those who might say I never really left the terrible-twos behind (but I am four *holds up four fingers, tucking the thumb into the palm with the other hand and smiles eagerly* see?)... and others who'd just call be strange... what can I say, it's been that way since the beginning of time as I know it and shucks, ma'am, I'm much obliged...
moving right along with this entry, which was originally called ok, back to yesterday but somehow convinced me to go with a slighly more philosophical title as if some sort of profound thought might be lurking ahead, you may already know some of this, cuz it starts out with words from the comments you inspired, but then, maybe there's someone who doesn't read the comments and just has to know what's going on after yesterday's cliff-hanging entry (aherm)...
well (shhh, I'm not just cutting and pasting, watch), arriving home this evening (which would be Friday, see?) I find Rasputin in his room with the door closed, possibly asleep (possibly?... come on now)... Precious is not actually in her room with the door closed, probably hiding out on the computer, or asleep, as I originally thought... turns out she was wandering the neighborhood waiting for me to get home... sad, huh?... and Odysseus, also known as Rasputin's brother (hey, everybody's gotta have a name, ya know?), is asleep on the couch... I wonder if that's all he does... of course the TV is on, there's a pizza box on the only clean kitchen counter (I cleaned it this morning), and it is a beautiful sunset...
you suggested that I am kind for not inquiring about why there's someone sleeping on the couch for the last few nights... alas, I've been on the street and know the experience, so I'm tolerant (kindness comes and goes, tolerance is mostly permanent :)
though not completely permanent... by Friday night, which would be long enough for me to have gotten work and enough money to speak up about my plans to be in a room of my own very shortly (Labor Ready has day-jobs that can bring $50-60 a day until a better job could be found... that's how I got myself off the street and out of free food lines), so that'll be my limit (Friday night) for tip toeing around my space (offline), especially in the evening hours... I am not going to stop living in my living room (or keep all the lights off or not listen to music or watch TV or cook in the kitchen or talk on the phone or stop living in the living room (did I say that?)... and I'm not gonna stop tapping on the keyboard who is about six feet from Odysseus's head and one of the old noisy keyboards, so he'll probably not sleep much after tonight (Thursday night)... Rasputin could buy an air mattress and let him sleep in his room, after all, if he's of the mind to give him free room and board for any extended period...
after all, this is the living space we share, not a bedroom... even if we all sleep out here often... the kitchen, dining area, living room, and this little nook in which I tap on these keys is all one big open space and we go ahead with out activities (cooking, eating, TV, music, and so on) even when one of us nod off on the couch (or in my case, the big green chair)... and the lights have never been off as much as they have been the past few nights... not the way to suggest to someone who is used to freeloading that this isn't the place to continue his habit, is it?...
I could turn down the air conditioner all day and make it a stinky hot house, but that would be unkind and I am seldom unkind... that doesn't necessarily mean I am kind though (I just have a way too flexible sense of humor and find amusement in the most unpleasant or obnoxious or obscene or even horrible challenges... did I mention the time the very loose stool that did not quite make it all the way to the sit down position on the toilet?... can you say splat< boys and girls?... you don't want to know, really, but the bathroom was never cleaner by the end of the night)...
ah, ever so distracting, my warped sense of humor... and as was just pointed out in last night's comments (for the throngs of fans who missed it), the sunrise is half full, the dirty dishes are half empty, which is , of course, obvious... if it is not obvious to you, no worries, you'll evolve in time...
meanwhile, at work, my new data person, who is an experiment in sharing as she was the Medical Records (or do they call it Medical Information Systems {or MIS} now?) Director's assistant until someone had the brainstorm to divide her in two, much to the chagrin of the MIS Director... we're trying to work out the sharing as both of us have to pick up on what the assistant can not do in our respective departments... it's going to be confusing at best and other director's are trying to wedge their to cents in, especially when it comes to office space, which is scarce... everyone wants to know why the Data person has to have their own desk and office space (as if suddenly the job didn't need all the sorting boxes and file space and desk space it's been needing for years while full time staff did the job before the expanded the responsibilities)...
I can see the work falling behind a month, at least, before the dust settles... not very good timing since we just had an audit and are supposed to be correcting things, not falling behind in more things (and the data I've been doing is one of the few things that was not behind, but as I've been reminded a lot lately by other directors, my standards may be too high... so my reply is, that's my job, PI/QA, performance improvement, quality assurance, to find ways to improve performance and assure quality, get it? and I smile and they don't know what to say when the obvious is presented so bluntly)...
anyway, I shall do my job, which starts with smiling politely without condescending, listening patiently with genuine concern (and without sighing), and formulating responses filled with suggestions for improving the performance of hospital systems and quality of care we provide the patients...
so life continues to provide interesting challenges as I increase my interactions with humans... such a problematic species... so much intelligence and ability, yet so narrow minded and afraid of their own potential... so resistant to change, even when the confusion and lack of organization is obvious... so afraid to trust themselves or each other... so eager to take to easy way out for the short term that they will not take an extra step or two even if that means everything is much easier and much better in the long run...
maybe I don’t really want to be human after all...
yeah, and with the ever increasing interactions with humans of late (intentional and unintentional, professionally and privately), I am increasingly reminded of late as to why I took the path less travelled almost the moment I left the womb (presuming that is how I got here)... consciously, I suppose it was a bit later than that, by a few months or a couple of years maybe, but there are those who might say I never really left the terrible-twos behind (but I am four *holds up four fingers, tucking the thumb into the palm with the other hand and smiles eagerly* see?)... and others who'd just call be strange... what can I say, it's been that way since the beginning of time as I know it and shucks, ma'am, I'm much obliged...
moving right along with this entry, which was originally called ok, back to yesterday but somehow convinced me to go with a slighly more philosophical title as if some sort of profound thought might be lurking ahead, you may already know some of this, cuz it starts out with words from the comments you inspired, but then, maybe there's someone who doesn't read the comments and just has to know what's going on after yesterday's cliff-hanging entry (aherm)...
well (shhh, I'm not just cutting and pasting, watch), arriving home this evening (which would be Friday, see?) I find Rasputin in his room with the door closed, possibly asleep (possibly?... come on now)... Precious is not actually in her room with the door closed, probably hiding out on the computer, or asleep, as I originally thought... turns out she was wandering the neighborhood waiting for me to get home... sad, huh?... and Odysseus, also known as Rasputin's brother (hey, everybody's gotta have a name, ya know?), is asleep on the couch... I wonder if that's all he does... of course the TV is on, there's a pizza box on the only clean kitchen counter (I cleaned it this morning), and it is a beautiful sunset...
you suggested that I am kind for not inquiring about why there's someone sleeping on the couch for the last few nights... alas, I've been on the street and know the experience, so I'm tolerant (kindness comes and goes, tolerance is mostly permanent :)
though not completely permanent... by Friday night, which would be long enough for me to have gotten work and enough money to speak up about my plans to be in a room of my own very shortly (Labor Ready has day-jobs that can bring $50-60 a day until a better job could be found... that's how I got myself off the street and out of free food lines), so that'll be my limit (Friday night) for tip toeing around my space (offline), especially in the evening hours... I am not going to stop living in my living room (or keep all the lights off or not listen to music or watch TV or cook in the kitchen or talk on the phone or stop living in the living room (did I say that?)... and I'm not gonna stop tapping on the keyboard who is about six feet from Odysseus's head and one of the old noisy keyboards, so he'll probably not sleep much after tonight (Thursday night)... Rasputin could buy an air mattress and let him sleep in his room, after all, if he's of the mind to give him free room and board for any extended period...
after all, this is the living space we share, not a bedroom... even if we all sleep out here often... the kitchen, dining area, living room, and this little nook in which I tap on these keys is all one big open space and we go ahead with out activities (cooking, eating, TV, music, and so on) even when one of us nod off on the couch (or in my case, the big green chair)... and the lights have never been off as much as they have been the past few nights... not the way to suggest to someone who is used to freeloading that this isn't the place to continue his habit, is it?...
I could turn down the air conditioner all day and make it a stinky hot house, but that would be unkind and I am seldom unkind... that doesn't necessarily mean I am kind though (I just have a way too flexible sense of humor and find amusement in the most unpleasant or obnoxious or obscene or even horrible challenges... did I mention the time the very loose stool that did not quite make it all the way to the sit down position on the toilet?... can you say splat< boys and girls?... you don't want to know, really, but the bathroom was never cleaner by the end of the night)...
ah, ever so distracting, my warped sense of humor... and as was just pointed out in last night's comments (for the throngs of fans who missed it), the sunrise is half full, the dirty dishes are half empty, which is , of course, obvious... if it is not obvious to you, no worries, you'll evolve in time...
meanwhile, at work, my new data person, who is an experiment in sharing as she was the Medical Records (or do they call it Medical Information Systems {or MIS} now?) Director's assistant until someone had the brainstorm to divide her in two, much to the chagrin of the MIS Director... we're trying to work out the sharing as both of us have to pick up on what the assistant can not do in our respective departments... it's going to be confusing at best and other director's are trying to wedge their to cents in, especially when it comes to office space, which is scarce... everyone wants to know why the Data person has to have their own desk and office space (as if suddenly the job didn't need all the sorting boxes and file space and desk space it's been needing for years while full time staff did the job before the expanded the responsibilities)...
I can see the work falling behind a month, at least, before the dust settles... not very good timing since we just had an audit and are supposed to be correcting things, not falling behind in more things (and the data I've been doing is one of the few things that was not behind, but as I've been reminded a lot lately by other directors, my standards may be too high... so my reply is, that's my job, PI/QA, performance improvement, quality assurance, to find ways to improve performance and assure quality, get it? and I smile and they don't know what to say when the obvious is presented so bluntly)...
anyway, I shall do my job, which starts with smiling politely without condescending, listening patiently with genuine concern (and without sighing), and formulating responses filled with suggestions for improving the performance of hospital systems and quality of care we provide the patients...
so life continues to provide interesting challenges as I increase my interactions with humans... such a problematic species... so much intelligence and ability, yet so narrow minded and afraid of their own potential... so resistant to change, even when the confusion and lack of organization is obvious... so afraid to trust themselves or each other... so eager to take to easy way out for the short term that they will not take an extra step or two even if that means everything is much easier and much better in the long run...
maybe I don’t really want to be human after all...
Labels: alas, changes, corporate bull, duh, huh?, perspective, semi-philosophy, smile
posted by candoor at 11:59 PM
2 Comments:
Hi Candoor,
awesome poetry, excellent rhyme
great prose scent sweet as a rose.
There are those moments of euphoria
those moments between the here and the dream, whether we are awake or nearing sleep, that lift us higher and enable us to reach those places where we feel so light, and yet with both feet firmly still on the ground, we can also see everything all around, listening to some great (or distant) sound.
thanks Q :)
I think, sometimes, that I live in those moments and life is the distraction that pulls me out of those moments and I keep hoping someone will join me in those moments rather than pulling me out, but then, I'm a dreamer and wouldn't have me any other way :)
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