the pondering returns (sorta)
perhaps, or is that wishful thinking in the title… and is that what is needed, I wonder… does my pondering truly lead to positive changes as I think I believe or is it just a deeper way of procrastinating and avoiding necessary changes, which, in the end, is more a negative outcome, or at least a null equation… maybe life is meant to result in zero… ultimate balance as opposed to the human illusion of progress (which is so often more destructive than productive, after all)… like we can ask will hydrogen cars really be progress or just another way to kill ourselves…
as usual, Raspy's asleep in front of the TV with the remote in his crotch and some infomercial is blaring away… he coughs and I ask him if he's awake and wants to see what else is on, he pushes the button to change to another infomercial and passes out again, remote still nestled up against his penis… maybe I should just buy another remote and keep it by the big green chair… or better yet, headphones for the music on the laptop (though the headphone jack could use some soldering as it's loose, though it works as long as it doesn't move around)…
the laptop is having all sorts of problems over at myspace, mostly, but not just there… however there it was enough so that I wrote the myspace support a couple of emails and gave up on the site without even checking my comments or messages… script errors and login errors and RunTime errors and wasting way too much time… I hope it's not the new laptop… something is going on with the laptop though cuz the volume control no longer works and the control panel will no longer open… I hope it's not a virus or something serious… I'm gonna have to shut down and reboot, I think, but that almost never happens at work with XP, so I'm wondering what the difference is… does browsing the web in Windows use up too much memory even with 1GB of memory and require a reboot?... if that's so, Microsoft sucks, again… or maybe Yahoo Messenger sucked up memory being open all night?... I closed that too… if that's so, Yahoo sucks too…
why can't computers just WORK?...
MIQ
some more specific techie details can be found in the previous entry and I know you're gonna go read it and respond or find out from techies you know if you don't know cuz there are techies and super techies and amazing know-everything techies and and I may need the latter, but I'm open to any help I can get…
I switched to Firefox and still had the same problems, so I'm tapping the keys here instead of exploring the web and searching for all the stuff I search for in my aimless random way… wait, volume control is back now… but nothing in the control panel works… maybe if I disconnect from the web for a moment or few… just in case it's some sort of outside attack in spite of the Firewalls and whatever else… no immediate change in the control panel being broken… maybe I simply made a mistake in buying a used computer and should have thought about it some more and spent three times this for a decent new laptop… my brain is suggesting I do that anyway and call this one a write off, but here we are again at that question… will a new XP machine run any better for me than this one… maybe it's just my usage habits that ask too much of any ordinary Microsoft computer… or any computer made these days…
what, browsing the web including myspace for twenty-four consecutive hours while downloading hundreds of files while writing several Word documents while keeping email open while checking out other programs while changing control panel options for IE7 while comparing site appearances in Firefox while burning a CD while whatever and promising her anything but giving her Arpege and dancing in the dark is too much to ask of a modern day computer?...
I think it's time to eat…
yup, it was… the vegetarian in me must be locked up in the closet with the budget director as I broiled a steak (Delmonico) and ate it with salad and broccoli and ice cream and mousse and down that road of decadence and weight gain I travel again this week (it's been how many days since I ran?... not all this week with the computer shopping and concerts taking all my evening time… I have never been quiet so inconsistent in my habits as I've been this decade… it may be (for another entry, I suppose) the remnants of the damage done in the last intimate interactions with humans have left me more disrupted than I originally thought, or perhaps it's the time alone lingering in hunger for intimacy might cause gradual deterioration in the focus on health and positivity and hope and consistency…
I look outside myself for inspiration, for support, for assistance, for help, for guidance, for someone to care enough to step into my world and clean up and take my hand and lead me to somewhere new and more positive than where I've been lately to renew my hope in humanity and extend my belief in sharing love and intimacy in this life again… and years of finding nothing of the sort has worn away much of the will to continue…
I look inside myself to find the same happy child who needs nothing but momentary experiences and sustenance and love most of all just wants to enjoy being and have fun… sharing such perspective and experience is the most fun of all, but if the sharing doesn't happen it's sad for the world… the child inside still enjoys being in the moment and exploring the fun that is happening inside and out…
so I feel sadness that sharing does not happen the way I know it can and I cry for the human wasteland we collectively create with the lives we live these days… and I sigh to accept my part in it as a visitor to this life… my choice to travel through and observe, rather than take a lead, may add to the malaise that becomes collective suicide for the species… it may be too late to change the decision, the habit, the process… there may not be enough time, even if I wanted to…
I have remained uncommitted to any specific lifestyle for so long, waiting for a partner just as uncommitted to choose with me a specific lifestyle or to chose with me to explore different perspectives and lifestyles, as we wish… and whether I'm right or whether I'm wrong, this was and is the choice I felt and feel is best for me for I know myself and my will/power/strength and do not want to be set in ways that might (probably would) dominate a relationship… the results, however, have been to experience a very few relationships that were mostly volatile and possibly destructive, but certainly paused (ended?) indefinitely… and the love I experience inside goes on to dream in words and share in professional ways and care for others who do not care for themselves too well… it is satisfying on many levels, but the personal depths remain unshared, even in words, as I mostly babble on about daily life and random abstractions these days…
more and more this decade, I leave myself behind…
perhaps that youth fading from this body, a natural process I am accepting with increasing complacency… perhaps, like this laptop, there is not enough memory (as the third Word document simultaneously opened has produced a message that there is not enough memory to perform a specific operation… maybe it's Word 2007 being unregistered that's sabotaging the system?... now IE7 will not open and the system has slowed to a crawl even with everything else closed… is this what XP is about, just another crappy Microsoft OS?... why spend thousands on a system if it's the same crap I have on my 32MB machine?) or time is wearing down the physical components, perhaps overheating is burning out enough brain cells to produce limitations on consciousness, perspective, and ability that were never experienced when this body (or laptop) was new… ah, so the two major discussions (monologs) in this entry are tied together in the end…
is this the end? :)
as usual, Raspy's asleep in front of the TV with the remote in his crotch and some infomercial is blaring away… he coughs and I ask him if he's awake and wants to see what else is on, he pushes the button to change to another infomercial and passes out again, remote still nestled up against his penis… maybe I should just buy another remote and keep it by the big green chair… or better yet, headphones for the music on the laptop (though the headphone jack could use some soldering as it's loose, though it works as long as it doesn't move around)…
the laptop is having all sorts of problems over at myspace, mostly, but not just there… however there it was enough so that I wrote the myspace support a couple of emails and gave up on the site without even checking my comments or messages… script errors and login errors and RunTime errors and wasting way too much time… I hope it's not the new laptop… something is going on with the laptop though cuz the volume control no longer works and the control panel will no longer open… I hope it's not a virus or something serious… I'm gonna have to shut down and reboot, I think, but that almost never happens at work with XP, so I'm wondering what the difference is… does browsing the web in Windows use up too much memory even with 1GB of memory and require a reboot?... if that's so, Microsoft sucks, again… or maybe Yahoo Messenger sucked up memory being open all night?... I closed that too… if that's so, Yahoo sucks too…
why can't computers just WORK?...
MIQ . . . MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION... MIQ
…this is a test of the most important question system… if this was a real most important questions, you would be asked to turn to another page and read the most important question in a less distracting environment… if this was a more high tech blog, this would scroll across the screen, and probably not be so babbly, but you know where you are and who I am, so let's get on with the test, aye?...
maybe there are too many processes running in the background… anybody know the best way to check up on such stuff and get a computer running as efficiently (and safely) as possible?)…
…this has been a test of the most important question system… maybe it's not just a test, actually, especially not if you can help... anyway, we now return you to your regularly scheduled blog...
some more specific techie details can be found in the previous entry and I know you're gonna go read it and respond or find out from techies you know if you don't know cuz there are techies and super techies and amazing know-everything techies and and I may need the latter, but I'm open to any help I can get…
I switched to Firefox and still had the same problems, so I'm tapping the keys here instead of exploring the web and searching for all the stuff I search for in my aimless random way… wait, volume control is back now… but nothing in the control panel works… maybe if I disconnect from the web for a moment or few… just in case it's some sort of outside attack in spite of the Firewalls and whatever else… no immediate change in the control panel being broken… maybe I simply made a mistake in buying a used computer and should have thought about it some more and spent three times this for a decent new laptop… my brain is suggesting I do that anyway and call this one a write off, but here we are again at that question… will a new XP machine run any better for me than this one… maybe it's just my usage habits that ask too much of any ordinary Microsoft computer… or any computer made these days…
what, browsing the web including myspace for twenty-four consecutive hours while downloading hundreds of files while writing several Word documents while keeping email open while checking out other programs while changing control panel options for IE7 while comparing site appearances in Firefox while burning a CD while whatever and promising her anything but giving her Arpege and dancing in the dark is too much to ask of a modern day computer?...
I think it's time to eat…
yup, it was… the vegetarian in me must be locked up in the closet with the budget director as I broiled a steak (Delmonico) and ate it with salad and broccoli and ice cream and mousse and down that road of decadence and weight gain I travel again this week (it's been how many days since I ran?... not all this week with the computer shopping and concerts taking all my evening time… I have never been quiet so inconsistent in my habits as I've been this decade… it may be (for another entry, I suppose) the remnants of the damage done in the last intimate interactions with humans have left me more disrupted than I originally thought, or perhaps it's the time alone lingering in hunger for intimacy might cause gradual deterioration in the focus on health and positivity and hope and consistency…
I look outside myself for inspiration, for support, for assistance, for help, for guidance, for someone to care enough to step into my world and clean up and take my hand and lead me to somewhere new and more positive than where I've been lately to renew my hope in humanity and extend my belief in sharing love and intimacy in this life again… and years of finding nothing of the sort has worn away much of the will to continue…
I look inside myself to find the same happy child who needs nothing but momentary experiences and sustenance and love most of all just wants to enjoy being and have fun… sharing such perspective and experience is the most fun of all, but if the sharing doesn't happen it's sad for the world… the child inside still enjoys being in the moment and exploring the fun that is happening inside and out…
so I feel sadness that sharing does not happen the way I know it can and I cry for the human wasteland we collectively create with the lives we live these days… and I sigh to accept my part in it as a visitor to this life… my choice to travel through and observe, rather than take a lead, may add to the malaise that becomes collective suicide for the species… it may be too late to change the decision, the habit, the process… there may not be enough time, even if I wanted to…
I have remained uncommitted to any specific lifestyle for so long, waiting for a partner just as uncommitted to choose with me a specific lifestyle or to chose with me to explore different perspectives and lifestyles, as we wish… and whether I'm right or whether I'm wrong, this was and is the choice I felt and feel is best for me for I know myself and my will/power/strength and do not want to be set in ways that might (probably would) dominate a relationship… the results, however, have been to experience a very few relationships that were mostly volatile and possibly destructive, but certainly paused (ended?) indefinitely… and the love I experience inside goes on to dream in words and share in professional ways and care for others who do not care for themselves too well… it is satisfying on many levels, but the personal depths remain unshared, even in words, as I mostly babble on about daily life and random abstractions these days…
more and more this decade, I leave myself behind…
perhaps that youth fading from this body, a natural process I am accepting with increasing complacency… perhaps, like this laptop, there is not enough memory (as the third Word document simultaneously opened has produced a message that there is not enough memory to perform a specific operation… maybe it's Word 2007 being unregistered that's sabotaging the system?... now IE7 will not open and the system has slowed to a crawl even with everything else closed… is this what XP is about, just another crappy Microsoft OS?... why spend thousands on a system if it's the same crap I have on my 32MB machine?) or time is wearing down the physical components, perhaps overheating is burning out enough brain cells to produce limitations on consciousness, perspective, and ability that were never experienced when this body (or laptop) was new… ah, so the two major discussions (monologs) in this entry are tied together in the end…
is this the end? :)
Labels: babble, bummers, computers, emo, home, hope, huh?, irony madness, lam, loneliness, love, mess, mtmm, myspace, perspective, revealing, semi-philosophy, techno-meep, web gadgets, yum
posted by candoor at 11:59 PM
21 Comments:
:( to computer problems :(
My Toshiba Satellite notebook with XP is currently running Photoshop with about 15 very large photos open in current edit mode, Firefox with 8 tabs open, including e-mail, my scanner software, MS Word, Notepad, is playing music from iTunes, and is humming right along with no problems. This one was about $700, not a really advanced machine by any standards at all...in fact, I checked and I have an unbelievable 90 processes running (which is ridiculous and needs to be remedied).
That said, I have never been able to get any computer to work well on MySpace, which is why I don't go there any more.
Maybe Master z will swoop to the rescue with his magic wand and heal your computer through the vapors :)
Happy Monday, happy week...hugs to you and to your computer.
"what, browsing the web including myspace for twenty-four consecutive hours while downloading hundreds of files while writing several Word documents while keeping email open while checking out other programs while changing control panel options for IE7 while comparing site appearances in Firefox while burning a CD while whatever and promising her anything but giving her Arpege and dancing in the dark is too much to ask of a modern day computer?... "
Gotta love a Man with a srnse of humour - lol!
i can't add "yawhofarted" to my buddy list bro, did you mistype?
z - I don't know what's happening with this laptop... it's slow on the web and things are not working right... that is my yahoo ID, has been for more than 10 years, works fine on the old desktop, but Yahoo Messenger and or this laptop is wonky... it loads up and I see my buddy list from years ago, yet it says the login failed... yet it shows me all of my Yahoo aliases and personal information... yet I can't seem to send a message or ad z0tl... I allow cookies from Yahoo and it tells me "cookies not allowed"... all in all, this laptop is heading for the $350 garbage heap if this continues... I browsed faster and easier on the PII 64Mb desktop than on this P4 1GB laptop...
Yahoo Messenger seems to default to Firefox and Firefox seems to work very poorly on this laptop... nothing makes sense...
I'm thinking of reformatting and giving up all the software that's on it, but then the money is wasted and the machine is bare unless I invest a lot more in it and that definitely does not seem worth it... I obviously made a $350 mistake buying this...
start over...
S - I keep hearing about computers that do that, run a lot of stuff, multitask, browse smoothely and quickly, but I've yet to experience a computer that can do that... maybe I just ask too much of a machine or set the security too high... I block most adsites, pop-ups, cookies, etc... maybe it's IE7
maybe it's just old and overheating or something, but it's definitely not functioning well... I just had to pause that comment to check the plugs because the batter was low as the power cord fell out...
I should have waited for a better deal on a better machine, because I am much less interactive, creative, and doing a lot less with this laptop than I was doing with the desktop... and I spent the money, so I'm stuck with it now, so maybe it's telling me to just walk away from the web for a while and get back to life without the internet... maybe that is what will change the pattern of minimal social life in spite of the living space and influences...
all in all, it sucks :}
dood, just friggin format the stupid thing, you always wanna do that if you buy used crap from anyone.
did you get that pretty CD that came with the lappy that wipes everything out in one fell sweep?
in other news, i have never in my entire life noticed speed differences between IE7 (which is a total piece of shit) and Mozilla FireFox.
perhaps i've always run speedy enough processors with enough RAM not to notice or perhaps i'm just not sitting there clocking every goddam page comming up, i dunno...
whatever browser i use, i use, but IE7 is the first browser ever that has actually annoyed me to the point i'm no using it anymore and i don't care if firefox is slower, at least it never crashes my computer like IE7 has repeatedly succeeded in doing.
but once again, who the fuck cares, just use what works and since in your case nothing works, FORMAT THE STUPID THING. & stick with XP + IE6 if you can and firefox is ugly to you. that is known to be stable.
oh i remember seeing you have no XP cd or something. just take it into work and beg your IT person to take pity on you, i'm sure they'll install XP for you on it with the same license key you use at work.
you know, the good ole when you're at work you're not at home, it's only one license idea, even tho MS went out and made that illegal...
just get the friggin CD, i'll give you a product key. i never said that. if billy the borg gates call you. you stole it from me. or do i have to MAIL YOU THE FUCKING CD?
!!!! YOU DRIVE ME NUTS !!!! WITH ALL YOUR COMPUTER WHINING !!!!
coconuts and cream, rather, friggin install DOS 5.0, please, i'm sure they have a browser for DOS out there.
or get that AMIGA 1200 out of storage already. i'll pay for U-HAUL from NY to Orlando, hotdam, it's like you could be a woman and complain about silicone boobs!
your fucking yawhofarted account is prolly expired since a millenium ago, either that or sitting on a C=64 at yahoo, no longer talking to the rest of the IM database wxrlds, can't you get candoor6969 or something and start fresh?
i think we're both insane!
in our own special ways.
but at least i delete my comments, so people won't know.
i'm rebooting my vista ultimate just in solidarity with your stupid crashes. there i go...
no reboot CD, right... doubt work will help, but I can explore the possibility... this might have all started when I upgraded to IE7 and Firefox 2.0.1, but both browsers are having runtime errors... it could also be the SPAM/Ad blocking features of IE7 Plus and or IE7 Pro plug-ins I installed from the Microsoft site...
I used the yawhofarted account just last month as it's my primary account for fantasy sports and getting on the Yahoo site... it's something in Yahoo Messenger that is screwy... it logs me in, I see my information and my buddy list, but doesn't seem to give me access... again, maybe it's a cookie or security block issue I have not fixed like another URL I need to give permissions... Yahoo.com may not be enough... it seems that blocking ads with Spybot or IE Plus or IS Pro or just IE7 or Firefox stops some programs from working properly...
I just know it's much less fun to be on the web since getting this thing...
even clicking on a button works only sometimes...
no reboot CD, right... doubt work will help, but I can explore the possibility... this might have all started when I upgraded to IE7 and Firefox 2.0.1, but both browsers are having runtime errors... it could also be the SPAM/Ad blocking features of IE7 Plus and or IE7 Pro plug-ins I installed from the Microsoft site...
I used the yawhofarted account just last month as it's my primary account for fantasy sports and getting on the Yahoo site... it's something in Yahoo Messenger that is screwy... it logs me in, I see my information and my buddy list, but doesn't seem to give me access... again, maybe it's a cookie or security block issue I have not fixed like another URL I need to give permissions... Yahoo.com may not be enough... it seems that blocking ads with Spybot or IE Plus or IS Pro or just IE7 or Firefox stops some programs from working properly...
I just know it's much less fun to be on the web since getting this thing...
even clicking on a button works only sometimes...
waves hello
hello :)
ok, who knows the answer - if Spybot says there are a dozen or so open ports with TCP connections established, is that a bad thing?... many are on Bittorrent, a few are iTunes, a couple are elsewhere... if I am not uploading or downloading information and not connected to a server other than my server and Bittorrent isn't even open, why would there be so many TCP connections established?
in my ignorance, I suspect paranoia creeping in :}
and it takes a half dozen clicks of the Publish your comment button to get the comment window to react...
just tonight I noticed a new Java 2 Platform icon in the systray that was not there before...
and the comment box just opened all wonky )in Firefox) with odd fonts and sizes...
the werdness on this laptop continues...
will this sign me in?
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