once upon a RealTime™

ah, well, it was 404am, no, 405am as I typed the words but what of RealTIme™ last night in the previous entry and I was still wet from a 5 lap log (1:08:05, in case you're keeping track)... yes, I said log... it's not a blog without the b, it's a lazy jog, if we must be more precise, and perhaps attempt to shame me into getting more serious about getting this body back to where it can be (if getting it back to where it was all those years ago is not possible)... and what with a busy first day of the month at work coming up in a few hours, I decided to shower and attempt some sleep...

it did not work however, as I wandered over to craigslist and found the addictive power of computer shopping continued to sink it's teeth into my ever stretched mental capacitators... including tonight's adventures, my primary focus might now be a Dell Precision 450 Dual Xeon 4Gb machine with XP Pro and Office 2007 on it... this draws out the writer, publisher, and business professional as I know what that machine can do... and I am guessing/hoping that it can take a video card and tuner and become more of a multimedia machine as well with that much processing power and RAM... the guy wants $500, I offered him $400... still would have to get a monitor and accessories, but I think it's a solid base box...

there's also a couple of laptops and a few cheap desktops I'm pondering as well... I just haven't had time to call back the people today... I shall try to from work tomorrow (as tomorrow night ... or is that 'tonight'? ... I have the Rilo Kiley concert... Rasputin and or Jackson might come along, since I have three tickets and I am only one person... maybe I should stop buying multiple tickets in the hope I'll find a concert partner or friends that can afford to pay their own way... tell me that after the six front center orchestra tickets I bought for Rent for my birthday next April...

so anywa, here we are back in RealTime™ and it's time to catch up on life as I know it around here... you can stop drooling now... I mean, if you can... prior to writing yesterday's philo-babbling-sophy entry, I celebrated the body of z0tl running three 8 minute miles and reflected on my own as I wrote to him:

I haven't seen a 8 minute mile since I was your age (pulling age-rank is such a low blow, aye?)... I wonder how long it would take me to get back there if I started running daily... it would be more reasonable if I dropped the last extra weight I kind of ignored since pausing the daily gym routing... I did run again tonight though, so things may be waking up in this body again...

nobody caring in the physical world doesn't help and easily allows back-sliding, but at least I am going alone (if that's how it must be cuz I can't be right for anyone else if I'm not right for me, ya know) again...

still living and playing with myself in my head as I look out through my eyes every few moments wondering, is anybody out there?

but nobody sees, so I giggle about being invisible and continue playing with myself...

I hope that does not seem too pathetic, especially since I am amused, but I am beginning to wonder if my amusement is a sign of senility or just plain giving up and accepting the supposedly inevitible process of growing old... that thought churned my hunger... I am such a perdictable emotional creature simtimes, or at least this body is...

back to CatchupTime™ though, it somewhere before or after that I wandered over to Q and found in his continuum, xmichra, who lead me to Llewellyn (who must like the letter L) where I found the quiz that produced the following as yet relatively obscure and unexplored results:

Your Q Score is: 7
The Q score ideally should be as small as possible, indicating maximum agreement among elements. However, even a tiny Q score may not mean optimal functioning, since all four elements may in fact be relatively undeveloped.

Your Primary Mythical Creature
Water Types
The main strength of the Water types is feeling. The second element indicates the most probable focus for this emotional expression.

Mermaid
Water with Air

Astrologically associated with Pisces and the Twelfth House

Mermaid types are warm and caring in a passive, receptive way. They are given to daydreaming and to contemplation, a combination that can make them seem curiously absent and fey. They are among the most unworldly of all the types. Despite this they have a strong ability for clear, rational thinking that can be startling. They seem to have a deep, intuitive understanding of the oneness of the universe. They have a desire to help the world at large and are acutely aware of and sensitive to suffering. This is partly because they do not recognize the customary boundaries between people, other living things, time, space, this world and the Otherworld. They are frequently psychic. They can be brilliantly original and highly creative. They are usually regarded by others as benign eccentrics or as plain weird.

Your Shadow Creature
Earth Types
All the Earth types have problems relating to productivity and stability. The weakest element indicates the main focus of these problems.

Wodwose
Earth and Fire

This shadow is beset by inertia and a feeling of hopelessness and stagnation. They are prone to depression linked to apparently insuperable odds. They exhibit an attitude of defeat that is betrayed by their fatalism and pessimism. They often find themselves trapped in a rut of grinding routine. They have no energy or sense of direction. They often alienate others because of their negativity and narrow outlook and because they feel anger and resentment toward them. Passive aggression is used to good effect. They are self-neglectful of their physical needs although they may binge on unhealthy foods and substances. The biggest obstacle of weak Fire is to overcome anger and aggression; the biggest obstacle of weak Earth is to overcome self-centeredness and greed.

well that isn't exactly catching up in RealTime™ daily life, now is it?... ah, but it is a sign of my desperation to be known, to share with someone who truly wants to know me and help me redefine myself and come out of my long hibernation and regain my powers of persuasion and clarity and return to self-actualization as only I can do it (because, after all, who else could possibly be me ya know)...

yeah, so anyway, you can read about the test and the magical personality stuff on Llewellyn's site and if you figure out what it means, please tell me because it seems to be yet another quasi-personality test that is too generalized to mean much, even though it does amuse and reflect some of me quite well... it's just not deep enough or explained enough (I suppose that's how they are trying to sell the book they are trying to sell)... in any case, I am quite happy thinking I've got any sort of magical personality, even if I don't quite get what it means in their context...

it's all about the desperation for attention and redefinition and exploration of who am I really? and sharing self-actualization in a mutual actualization, remember?...

uh-huh...

and before all that I went out for the run I mentioned above... pushing slightly to add a fifth lap was positive and as the first four were timed in 53 minutes, I am not slacking off too much, but I do find the laziness of the past month unpleasantly dragging in the feet as I plod along and hope the rekindled awakening to becoming more physically alive again continues to catch on in the brain cuz mind over matter does not work as well as it used to when I was in a younger body... ah, more and more I realize what a blessing the right partner would be... but patience and conscious awareness continue to override loneliness and fear and that keeps me happy in spite of missing the sharing...

and before the run there was sports on TV and naps all day (back into Sunday now)... Rasputin made a DiGiorno pizza so I added some pizza to the cereal and trail mix and nuts and that's what I ate today... probably more carbs that is best for the body, but Raspy forgot to bring home fish again this week (or else there was none available) and the freezer only has veggies and veggie burgers left in it cuz I forgot to stop in the refrigerated and frozen food sections on the shopping trip this weekend... good sleep, but once again the week starts off with minimal sleep on Sunday night and so I may sleep through the Monday night TV I try to watch cuz I sorta like Enterprsze and can sometimes get into Heros... tmorrow I'll be going to see Rilo Kiley (and have two extra tickets that I'll either give away or whatever)... maybe Rasputin will go if he can stay awake...

and that was the RealTime™ for Sunday...

Saturday was about the same, I think... and to think, I could have been out meeting some meetup people or meeting some people selling computers, but noooo, I chose to lazily lounge around the space (except for a run out to the Chinese buffet) because college football is the thing to do around here and I've kinda learned to enjoy sitting in the big green chair munching on snackes for a few hours and staring at the screen watching eleven helmeted men smash their heads and bodies into each other as they play a kind of game of chess for field position on what they call a gridiron...

today was work as the data due on the 1st is not yet completed so I helped my new data person a bit (he's good and not far behind and actually, for his first month, I am very happy with his pace... if only the Admin would let me keep him... I'm pretty sure I have him for at least another month or two)... and then I have my own work that's falling behind because I spent half my time training the new data person last month and much time helping others do their job... today I spent four hours (at least) getting the business office census spreadsheet right for them... the rest of this week I must try to focus on catching up on my own work...

and it's 405am again, ironically, and I shall upload this now for your pleasure and whatever... I so much more appreciate your being around than I even express even when I express how much I appreciate your being around with all the enthusiasm and sinserity words can muster... sticking with me through these dumb am I human yet? times is a virtuous noble beautiful thing you are doing for me and someday I hope to give you the rewards you deserve... I'll thank you from the Nobel podium, or something like that...

ah, if only you had my sense of humor, you'd be laughing through your tears too :)

so maybe this entry was more revealing and insightful and personal and meaningful than others and maybe that thought just comes cuz it was more narcissistic and self-focused and mostly about the mundane details of like and me and who I might be if I ever share the redefinement process again (cuz nothing is quite real in this world unless it is shared, after all, except in thought, like the tree falling in the forest, though only real in the mind that imagined it might be)... so yes, I continue to dream of the sharing Ibelieve in and I continue to mock myself for languishing in (or perhaps between) amusement and apathy and I slept a bit and missed the cheerleader, but then, I still have you...

I still haven't heard from Oklahoma... is it still there?