why myspace

well my dear wonderful supporting people who still stop by here to check in on me, i seem to be drawn to write more on myspace these days... i think maybe it is because of the vastness, but i am not sure if it is because i want to get lost or be found (if i told the true it's the latter, but when i am insecure it's the former, so in my ever ridiculous journey toward being human, i can add flip-flopping to my growing list of human skills)... who is grinning?...

i have several (dozen?) entries to flood into here and other places, but for the moment this may be enough to explain the most important thing... i miss you when i do not read you... i love you for coming here and letting me know i am missed... and i intend to continue - here - there - and everywhere (at least virtually)... and though that may seem a challenge, when i remember time is irrelevant (and relative), it's easy...

still, just to maintain the continuum of pathos and drama in this ever so futile attempt to be human, i shall slip one of my amusingly (to me, at least) insane (but hopefully not prophetic) experiences with humanity in a previous entry just for you and anyone else who cares to read the soapy suds (and soupy sales) of life… yes, it is based on true experiences and names were omitted (or changed, if i choose to insert names for improved clarity or ease of reading or something like that) to protect the innocent and the insane (who may or may not be innocent, cuz like god, we can only judge by faith what is not actually there (or contradictory) and i seldom judge others, but i hope that if and when i do it's never based on blind faith or too little information and when it comes to pretenders, how can anyone know for sure (time, time, time, it's telling you a story)… feel free to enjoy or ignore as you wish…

my RealTime™ RealLife™ schedule grows on the sidebar and, in its way, explains why i am so seldom here these days… rarely am i home in the evening these days (or during the days, for that matter)… i suppose it is time to consider investing in the connectivity of the cyber world… pondering spending another few hundred dollars a year, at least, in order to do that thing that i believe is called remote blogging, reading on the run, commenting on the fly, and communicating from anywhere (or something like that) leads me to remember living on the street with minimal no income and almost no expense and i often miss the simplicity of such an easily balanced budget… the call to find a communal farm or monastery or something like that is always singing a sweetly seductive song through the deeper woods of my mind… but, as with falling in love, i am not actively searching at the moment and the opportunity for such a life change is not presenting itself in my scope of perception at the moment, so i continue along the self-destructive suicidal self-mocking semi-serious irreverently futile path to becoming human and if this body does that dying thing before that other lifestyle arrives, oh well, i'll die a stupid human (so why am i smiling?... ah, cuz that's what stupid humans do… i think i may be getting the hang of it, aye? :)

so z, does this make me a guru for stupid humans now? (laughter is good, even here, even as sad as it may be from a more enlightened and sensible perspective… maybe it's cuz i've been there and done that, as the humans say, and choose to explore the decadence {like Messenger in City of Angels in a way?} so casually and carelessly {as opposed to being ignorant of the choice} that makes it more amusing for me than pathetic or pitiful or sad… but then, looking at it from the self-sustaining eco-balanced vegan peace-love co-op commune, it is pathetic and pitiful and sad… cha)…

there is none quite so insane as the aware fool, aye?...

anyway, it's time for me to give this body some rest, perchance to sleep, so it can carry the brain that gives me the illusion of life around for the rest of this week as i am working every day and going out every night… i hope life is fun for you out there and i want to keep in touch… you know my number and email and where i am most of the time… and you should know how much i enjoy you reaching out… which leads me to a thought that deserves a whole introspective blog entry of its own (not to mention i did not exactly dig into the answer to the question in title of this blog entry here except briefly in the opening), why i still feel like i am intruding or why i am so reluctant to reach out myself most of the time… and most likely related, why meetup seems to much appealing... it's easier to just roll with the flow and not risk rejection or disappointment, i suppose… dang human ways, i'm getting too good at them…

maybe it's time to consider a blog focused on unlearning how to be human :)