1st impress

first impressions

first impressions are an oddity i've always enjoyed (i think that's mostly because, in spite of my posing and egocentric babbling out in public, i secretly do not give much creedence to what anyone thinks of me unless truly deeply intimate trust forms between us in the physical world and even then, it's still my choice - and have i ever been wrong before, but then, that's another long story of woe and weirdness we can save for another time... because i am supposed to be sleeping)...

where were we?... ah, yes (is feigning absent-mindedness at all amusing anymore?), first impressions... i recently joined a meetup group and was spun through a revolving door so fast i felt like a whirling dervish, not that i pretend to actually know how a whirling dervish might feel, but perhaps it's a worthy metaphor, or is that a simile?... labelling language is a fine distraction for writers with nothing to say (i'll just leave that semi-open ended statement there for all of us who enjoy wide-eyed statements)...

anyway, i was (as my roommate starts talking to me to distract me further from whatever it is i am writing about, as if i don't distract myself enough) accepted in the meetup group and then rejected (removed, they call it) within an hour or so... it took a few days to find out why and apparently the responses to the questions that had to be answered before joining were rather massively misunderstood...

the question in question, or response, for that matter, was something like "what do you want to do but will not do because think you are too old"... naturally (or unnaturally, come to think of it, but that's another story) my mind skidded right into the gutter and instead of responding "sleep with the latest teen starlet libido fantasy" (remember, this is something i supposedly will not do, so please do not call me pervert until you know me better, ok?), which might have been a rather poor first impression no matter how amusing i thought it could be (cuz i know i'm harmless, after all, innocently batting ever so long eyelashes, of course), i said something like "that is so very wrong, even for my sense of humor, so i'll not go there" (now who'da thought the group organizer was not in my head understanding that i was referring to my own sense of humor's less than purient thoughts, aye?) and so i said, "so seriously, i hope there is nothing on the list, and if there is, i hope you talk me out of it"... of course i meant nothing should be based on ageism, isn't it obvious?...

yeah, wide-eyed stares all around...

apparently not as she thought i was bashing her question and took much offense... i think we've cleared the matter up as i rambled on a bit in another email that hoped to clear up a rather misguided first impression and at this point you might think i am going to post that email here as an example of my sort of odd first impressions (do i give odd first impressions?... i mean, what if you stumbled into just any old post in this or any of my myriad of blogs?... do i ask questions with obvious answers too often?... am i the only one amused?... s'ok if i am, after all, i am amused)...

but no, not likely will i follow any such logical path... in fact, this whole entry was born in order to introduce my latest first impression (this one came after the last one with that meetup group, hence making it the latest and, yeah, imay just enjoy stating the obvious a bit too much sometimes... ok, i'll move along) which follows below... if the lucky myspacer wants to be identified, i'll happily expound and link and probably point out the blog comment i left her too, but we'll not drag her through all that just yet cuz. after all, i only have the right to make my own first impressions and respect others to make their own... or something like that...

so this is what i wrote without plan or much conscious connectivity to a relative stranger who passed through my internet screen for a little while tonight...

ready, set, go:

I somehow found time to read your entire profile... and now have nothing left to ask (my brain is digesting, it's late, I ran around the bases four times in a long softball game tonight after working all day, and i am still recovering from jumping up and down with thousands of others at a playoff basketball game cuz a friend scored good enough seats to go to the game {and they were free, yay for free}, even if it was my first b-ball game in a few years, at least... i'd rather go to the movies, or a show, give me a live musical... just saw the Broadway touring company doing Rent in the past month and Jesus Christ Superstar us up next... heck, I enjoyed a production of Miss Saigon at a local high school last week, but I may be digressing a bit)...

so I visited myspace to do more than just click on friend requests and check messages and comments for the first time in months tonight, i mean, i used to browse around a lot but life is pleasantly getting in the way of my internet time these days, anyway, i noticed the subscribe to friends to get little blurb reminders on my home page when friends update and decided to check out the feature and stumbled across your profile and started reading... exhibiting amazing discipline, i paused and came here to say hello in a comment because if i do not give this body a decent night's sleep tonight, it will not enjoy all i want it to do tomorrow and this weekend nearly as much as it will if i do let it sleep tonight and i figured that leaving a comment might distract me from the fascination i am discovering in your words and that was a rather long way to go for a compliment, but there it is and i hope you felt the sincerity, even if we are laughing at me...

i am told often that i am not very good at first impressions (heck, i don't even check for typos because, well, time is limited but also because i love the amusements a good typo can bring) and though i would avoid them if i could, i haven't found a way (to avoid first impressions) short of dying and i'm not quite ready to go there, wherever there might be, if there is a there then, whenever then might be, which is also why i should really get some sleep tonight, but that's beside the point (point, point, was there a point to all this?... ah yes, say hello and praise the writer, that was it... hello, i like your writing :)

yeah, so i hope this is somewhat amusing for you and if not for you, well, maybe someone else found it oddly funny, but since it's for you more than the public spectacle, i hope you are smiling... laughing would be good too...

and now that i've babbled a bit (and trust me, this is barely even a bit for me... not that you should trust me just because i suggest it, but we can wander along that myriad of possibilities some other time if you like as infinity might keep me awake and i did have an offhand goal of getting some sleep tonight...

is there a limit on the number of words in a comment?... i wonder how much of this will be cut off... is it worth cutting and pasting to save it and continue it in another comment?... but that would put the ordely flow of thoughts out of order... might make more sense, but that might just be me poking fun at me, my second favorite pasttime... or third, when the opportunity arises... i do tend to leave a lot of open ended thoughts out here in my public babbling... it maybe be a secret plot to take over the world by tempting curiosity ever so subtly until some mass conversion of mental energy is aimed at me and all the people scratching their heads demand an answer... and here all i have to offer them might just be the number 42...

so hello, i must be going...

obscure song lyrics find their way through my synapses quite often, but when does it end? (the agony of the babbler and the readers of a babbler is never so extreme or exposed as when the babbler him or herself asked the question... that wasn't the question I was referring to a little bit ago, by the way... i was hoping for something much more profound and meaningful from the mass convergence of the curiosity of humanity...

yeah, i'm a hopeful kid... a dreamer hoping i'm not the only one... and while i may appear to be lost somewhere between the ellipses, i know where i am and that, to me, is a whole lot more vital information than where i am going... and more fun too...

i hope you are having fun as well, you appear to be, even as you gripe about the foibles of human beings (so many have so far to go before they know), but as you astutely pointed out, (lover of good sci-fi too, are you?), even the cynical futurists seem to understand that there is nothing to write about if humans do not enlighten-up, cuz when a species commits mass suicide, there's no one to read the books anymore...

it's basic economics to us fools who find laughter between the lines :)

and on that note, i shall slip into sleep and enjoy the rest and hope you enjoy your night as well, or even better... may your dreams dance and heart sing and body tingle, even at rest :)

g'nite :)

ok, so now i ask you, what would you think do or say if that was the first message or comment you got from me (knowing me only through what you might find if you took the time to come here and explore, but maybe you haven't even visited my profile at myspace yet, even)... I think there should have been a question mark somewhere in all that... just pretend there was... so, whatcha think?...

and i imagine i see a whole lot of wide-eyed stares in response (and should i be sad or amused or both?... well, that's a whole other philosophical discussion, but feel free to go there as you wish)...

may you present yourself, in first impressions, without any thought of anything except being yourself and sharing yourself as well, as honestly, and as lovingly as you can... that's what i do, even if i'm usually misunderstood :)