where did the music go?
i have hundreds of new CDs that i did not open because the USB hub somehow burnt out (either a short or some household accident i suppose) and all the music on the mybook is inaccessible and the laptop isn't playing any sounds to boot, so silence is all around me whenever the tv goes off...
and i laid down to sleep, really i did, and i am tired, much tired too, at least the body is tired, muchly, but i slept something like ten or more hours last night and the brain is simply wired and eager for more stimulation and sharing and that just makes the body want to cuddle up with someone and be told it's ok to be a maniac, maniac, on the floor and have a brain that just doesn't turn off...
Rasputin is sick again... he gets sick a lot, partly cuz he woks in and out of a giant freezer a lot as he works for a wholesale fish place, but also because he eats mostly crap and drinks a gallon of diet pepsi a day and all that crap and aspertame is not good for the body, alas, but he's a pepsi addict and junk food junkie and couch potato, so much is not so healthy in his body... i hope he gets better soon and i must remember not to eat anything in the house or use any silverwear or pots or pans or even go near the kitchen or most anywhere else he might touch as he has no germ-awareness, which is probably another reason he gets sick a lot... but i love him and hope he lives a long long time in spite of his suicidal tendencies...
and so i was laying there in the dark waiting for the mind to slip into la la land and realizing it just wasn't happening at the moment so i dragged the tired body *that now starts to ache a bit cuz it's complaining about not getting sleep) into the living room to babble on a bit (perhaps you noticed) and i realized that i want a computer in the bedroom so i can babble on a bit laying down the way i used to and haven't done in many years even though that was my favorite way of writing (and most deeply intimate and personal and magically me) for most of the most creative years of this life and maybe that's another missing piece of the puzzle to the method to my madness or something...
we won 16-6 tonight and the first game was a forfeit win cuz the team did not show up so we finished 6-4 (won-loss record) and settled for third place... if pitched well, only walking one in the last inning, mostly cuz i wanted to slow the game down cuz we were ahead by nine runs and i knew time was running out and the team we were playing averaged close to twenty runs a game and i did not want them to get the chance to rally and i struck out the last batter to end the game, but i hit like crap (walk and two pop-ups) cuz i did not get to the batting cages before the game and i swung twice all night and both were pop-ups cuz i am the pitcher and pitched batting practice for everybody but nobodu pitched batting practice for me so i felt left out and uncared for and all sorts of neglected and want to throw a nice pity party cuz i am way overtired in body and babbling on in my head and all alone and nobody takes care of me and i have nobody to go with to Jesus Christ Superstar two weeks from Friday and next Sunday and i bought two tickets for each show, expensive tickets, and i have two tickets to melissa etheridge for a week from monday and nobody to go with and tickets for yes in august and still hope to find somebody to go with and hope hope hope is sometimes not enough, but i keep doing it anyway cuz i am too stubborn to not do it and i have softball practice saturday morning and sunday afternoon for two teams... or something like that...
gthe body is way too tired to run and that is depressing cuz that is what i used to do to get to sleep when the brain was too wired to sleep cuz running is repetitive and good meditation for the brain and relaxing but the hamstrings are tight cuz the game was tonight and the body is tired cuz it needs a lot more sleep than the brain and we've both been awake for more than eighteen hours so i'll just sit here and whine about this and that cuz it's amusing (no wait, that's no way to throw a pity party, never mind amusing, woe is me and so on)...
heck, i don't even have the energy to throw a good pity party for the lazy lonely bloated pathetic body... it's really so sad... where did the music go, anyway?...
or something like that...
and i laid down to sleep, really i did, and i am tired, much tired too, at least the body is tired, muchly, but i slept something like ten or more hours last night and the brain is simply wired and eager for more stimulation and sharing and that just makes the body want to cuddle up with someone and be told it's ok to be a maniac, maniac, on the floor and have a brain that just doesn't turn off...
Rasputin is sick again... he gets sick a lot, partly cuz he woks in and out of a giant freezer a lot as he works for a wholesale fish place, but also because he eats mostly crap and drinks a gallon of diet pepsi a day and all that crap and aspertame is not good for the body, alas, but he's a pepsi addict and junk food junkie and couch potato, so much is not so healthy in his body... i hope he gets better soon and i must remember not to eat anything in the house or use any silverwear or pots or pans or even go near the kitchen or most anywhere else he might touch as he has no germ-awareness, which is probably another reason he gets sick a lot... but i love him and hope he lives a long long time in spite of his suicidal tendencies...
and so i was laying there in the dark waiting for the mind to slip into la la land and realizing it just wasn't happening at the moment so i dragged the tired body *that now starts to ache a bit cuz it's complaining about not getting sleep) into the living room to babble on a bit (perhaps you noticed) and i realized that i want a computer in the bedroom so i can babble on a bit laying down the way i used to and haven't done in many years even though that was my favorite way of writing (and most deeply intimate and personal and magically me) for most of the most creative years of this life and maybe that's another missing piece of the puzzle to the method to my madness or something...
we won 16-6 tonight and the first game was a forfeit win cuz the team did not show up so we finished 6-4 (won-loss record) and settled for third place... if pitched well, only walking one in the last inning, mostly cuz i wanted to slow the game down cuz we were ahead by nine runs and i knew time was running out and the team we were playing averaged close to twenty runs a game and i did not want them to get the chance to rally and i struck out the last batter to end the game, but i hit like crap (walk and two pop-ups) cuz i did not get to the batting cages before the game and i swung twice all night and both were pop-ups cuz i am the pitcher and pitched batting practice for everybody but nobodu pitched batting practice for me so i felt left out and uncared for and all sorts of neglected and want to throw a nice pity party cuz i am way overtired in body and babbling on in my head and all alone and nobody takes care of me and i have nobody to go with to Jesus Christ Superstar two weeks from Friday and next Sunday and i bought two tickets for each show, expensive tickets, and i have two tickets to melissa etheridge for a week from monday and nobody to go with and tickets for yes in august and still hope to find somebody to go with and hope hope hope is sometimes not enough, but i keep doing it anyway cuz i am too stubborn to not do it and i have softball practice saturday morning and sunday afternoon for two teams... or something like that...
gthe body is way too tired to run and that is depressing cuz that is what i used to do to get to sleep when the brain was too wired to sleep cuz running is repetitive and good meditation for the brain and relaxing but the hamstrings are tight cuz the game was tonight and the body is tired cuz it needs a lot more sleep than the brain and we've both been awake for more than eighteen hours so i'll just sit here and whine about this and that cuz it's amusing (no wait, that's no way to throw a pity party, never mind amusing, woe is me and so on)...
heck, i don't even have the energy to throw a good pity party for the lazy lonely bloated pathetic body... it's really so sad... where did the music go, anyway?...
or something like that...
Labels: babble, body, dichotomy, emo, loneli, mostly dead, mtmm, music, pathos, psych, sigh, sleepy, softball, tinitus, whine
posted by candoor at 1:53 AM
2 Comments:
Well, I had the loneliness birds circling in the middle of the night that brought with them a want to cuddle and even had a dream about cuddling, which didn't help at all because in my dream I wasn't cuddling...I was talking about cuddling on the phone, describing cuddling, because there wasn't anyone to cuddle with, even in my dream. You'd think the dream cuddle fairy would have at least brought me a cuddle in my own dream, wouldn't you? Maybe she was busy cuddling.
In other news, the sun is shining, the hydrangea on my porch is blooming, there's stuff to do, the hummingbirds are bringing cuddles with them as they hover over the feeder, and Tonie and Shirley are still cuddling Jessica the hippo, the daughter they never had. (http://tinyurl.com/5yhkj2)
hugs :)
hippo irony...
it's all about energy levels and finding someone who matches yours... someday i hope to do that...
settling for a compromise just hasn't been satisfying enough and always seems to end badly because of that...
still, hope...
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