who hears the narf?

so here we are again… i started this bit of babble behind the candoor, if you recall the blog that rambled on before this one (not linked in this paragraph, by the way… confused yet?... give it time)… so it kind of started out like this tonight, or whenever… for no apparent reason, i was remembering way back when i first started there (well, actually, i started there, or here, from another perspective with some of my favs like nebs (who was not just a wonderful fantasy, but that too) who may not find this for a hundred years, or tomorrow, but that is the nuance of that world, or land, and the internet, for that matter (time is relative, if you know, understand, and/or recall), but that's beside the point as this one you are reading now (not linked here because you are here, silly) started simply to leave a few comments here in this brave new world (before google bought it and renovated and complicated and all)… actually, i started way before that, but we can leave that journey at this point because you (or i, even) might want to leave something for your asking, or the imagination, or something like that…

ah, who remembers?...

meanwhile, in other games, i returned to a favorite pastime, creating the quintessential best of the best all-time greatest baseball line-up ever, but that’s beside the point for another blog and trying to line up tables here in this blog space might stifle the babble (so i did it here for your debating pleasure), but then, i've not been babbling for some time, i mean, this is not exactly babbling, though it might not always be the brevity it was intended to be... so all in all, more or less, this blog you are reading was one of the middle children, sort of, though there are many others (as in hundreds, though only a hundred or so have made it online... yes, i am talking about blogs, diaries, journals, and other assorted books... need i mention i babble?... really?... did you think all i did was ellipse?... or play in parenthetic asides?... did you wonder how long it would take for me to use that term i tend to use a lot?... are you wondering what term?... are you getting lost?... are you following the stream of consciousness?... how about the steam of consciousness?... curly would understand, or fake it well… too bad he's not my type... i'd like to be idolized in bed again... i mean, don't get me wrong, casual sex has its place, as long as it's good, and a very good place that is, but there is still something to be said about bonding on every level... falling in love, you know?... like wow... we may have lost the train of thought in this paragraph that was supposed to be this paragraph... or we may have lost the train of thought that was supposed to be this paragraph in this paragraph… maybe it's time to step out of my subconscious, or this parentheses, even, and get on with the entry that was in progress before it was ever so not subtly interrupted)...

what?...

actually, this (this too) was the middle child, but that's another story, or middle child, even... and it all started here, as far as we can tell, in case you are interested, curious, care, or have many days to spend reading for whatever reason… and in the end, it may all just be a big plot to fool the nsa, but don’t tell them that… and we all enjoyed catching up on the life loosely sprawled through this diary (yes, still here) for many years, or was it this blog you are reading, or one of these babbling places… it was ten years after that diary or this blog began, almost to the day, that i started the latest chapter of this multiphasic life as i started another new career as a health care facility administrator after about sixteen months of yet another early retirement (not as long as taking almost a whole decade off, but then, who's counting?) which followed almost a dozen years as a director of risk management and performance improvement at a psychiatric hospital for children and adolescents (yeah, i have looked at life from both sides now and then, and inside out too) which followed that almost decade of early retirement (retirement is wasted on the old, retire when you are young enough to enjoy it and let the chips fall where they may down the line), but i think we've been here before... loopy?...

yes, so as i've said in other worlds (and languages, no doubt), this is a self-indulgent trip through the daily life of an ordinary stranger in a strange land who is currently (what still?… not even her hairdresser knows for sure) wallowing in ambivalence and practicing procrastination as an art form... if you read regularly you deserve a medal (and a hug... and you can get one if you know how to look) which is part of the introduction or description or whatever we call it to that long ago diary i’ve linked more than a few times already in this entry (oh, a mystery?) so i won’t link it again just to add to the confusion… anyway, just look:

candoor

looking for a few good friends...

(and the silence screams so loudly once you hear it)...

narcissist altruistic dichotomous and usually meandering ramblings that only a mother could love (are you my mother?)...

(I'm not really human, I just play one in this life)

no really, this is a self-indulgent trip through the daily life of an ordinary stranger in a strange land who is currently wallowing in ambivalence and practicing procrastination as an art form... if you read regularly you deserve a medal (and a hug... and you can get one if you know how to look)...

"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose." - Steven Wright

and then, 42.

breathe deep, the settling mist...

about favorites... to begin to find my favorites, and yourself, see my multitude of other diaries for other favorites lists (I am going to try not to duplicate, for I will never have room for you all in any one place)...

and remember your towel

your caring matters much more than words can say and probably much more than you will ever know unless you visit offline...

(just tell us you love us, so we don't feel alone)

so we all know that babble lovers believe that repetition is the simplest form of charity, or was that flattery, and imitation is the sincerest, perhaps, but as we've never seen anybody who quite does the babble as this babbler does (many have tried, few have follied... and while we're on the subject, many have followed, few have follied) so give us a kiss, pookie, aye?...

but first, random links for no apparent reason (who’s watching?)... link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link (so many locked) link link link link link link linklink link link link link link link link link link link link link link link


and as often happens in situations like these (whatever this is), more may appear at any moment (words, links, chocolate cake {with more icing than cake and cream filling, of course} as there are many missing links {get it?} in literal and figurative and metaphoric terms both past present and future, or all three, even... and as even more usual, there is an obvious (to me, at least, or only, even) as this thread of consciousness and sense or sensibility and even rational mind (got reason?... we've got a prayer for that... mind?) continues running (or at least strolling, if not meandering) through this entry as if there was a purpose and

but we all know it can (and sometimes does) end just as quickly as it began... even after years...

of course it could just continue elsewhere, like right here… or more likely, here, at least for now, though i have been considering moving on to yet another new flavored blog as you can see in this pondering i was doing there just last week.. or maybe it was yesterday…

is it time to go away?

i do not think i mean from the world wide web entirely, though that thought is within the rhelm of meanings of the title... i am pretty sure i meant is it time to go away from this blog and start again as i have one two three four five, six, well, many times before... thought the purely daily ones were sorta these two but there are lost pages and broken links in the earliest ones and a whole myspace blog up and disappeared one day as well, but what i was starting to say was i've done this all before... after all, there are many (around a hundred) blogs and none of them actually completely concluded, even when they disappeared at the hands of others... and yes, that's not bullsugar...

but the question here is timing... is it time to leap to another blog space that will allow another new perspective (if perspectives changed at all from blog to blog)... i actually have one two three several places i could leap to already seeded with entries that would give the blogspace some sort of flavor (or so it should?... without an editor and feedback from people who've read all of the different blog spaces, all i can do is guess from my own perspective which is bias no matter how objective i may be... so anyway, the question remains like the song, should i stay or should i go, sort of)...

i think this is part one of this pondering...

and i suppose we must wait for part two, at least, before we find out if there will be a move from there, but what is certain is i did move on from here, even though i still stop in to ramble on as i am doing because the point of moving on from here was to focus on briefer babbling entries that were slightly more to the point than this blog usually got and most of the almost six thousand entries there might have gotten close to that semi-concrete goal… and what i do there is similar to what i used to do here before i left as i just recently said there (is this making as much sense as it is intended?)…

what i do here

i share me and my thoughts on everything that happens to me, everything i do and see, everything i feel can be and more what i want things to be... and more i share what bothers me, i vent frustration easily and that allows me to be free of stress or animosity... it's not that i don't feel negativity, i just release it as harmlessly as possibly in words (you see?)... i mean no harm and want to do no harm in this life, but intentions are not perfections and i will do more harm holding frustration in than i do by setting it free, literally... i wish to never offend, but it hurts more to pretend, and i cannot make others understand this process if they don't want to... leaving the negativity here, i don't carry it around and that allows peace and happiness to blossom... it's really pretty simple... i wish everyone had a way to do this that worked for everyone...

i have a hundred live blogs, each waiting for words, each with it's own reason for being heard and here is the daily babbling life that longs to share which is why the words are here... i write and write and write because i want to share everything in this life with someone and until i have another partner who wants to share everything in this life with me, i record everything i think, do, feel, and see (and experience and perspective and joys and pains and excitements and frustrations and yeah yeah yeah) here and there (and wherever)...

i share, i care, i hope for more...

yeah, so there just may be a touch of seriousness in the irreverent babbling i do everywhere i irreverently babble and i hope it pleasures you in a pleasurable way because while i babble primarily to release the thought energy in the head (because heads can explode if you don’t release thought energy, i mean, in case you didn’t know that), i put the words out here for you in the hope that you find some pleasure, meaning even, in reading…

i will admit that as far as i can tell, this particular entry is nothing like the babbling i used to do here… we can sigh and alas together, if you remember, or you can scratch your head wondering just what sort of madness used to happen around here before i left and took up the calling of brevity, though it probably should be called attempted brevity, or you could just click back randomly some years and read for yourself… i just don’t feel the infinite energy exploding in words flowing faster than i can type them as it used to be and of course, i am cheating by including words from other entries in other blogs and places and most of all (as if this sentence did not run on long enough already), there may even be a little thinking going on as i write, i mean conscious thinking, which is not the kind of babbling i am used to when free association into the something something of the eternal infinity and ultimately, the imagination rolled in all it’s it’s splendid infinite potential… energy of the eternal infinity, that’s what’s missing… now where did i put it… i know it’s around here somewhere (the joke being that it is everywhere in everything and if only we allowed ourselves to be perceptive and sensitive enough to feel it, wow, you know, just plain wow… sometimes not so plain, even)…

lights are glaring at me now, the space is ackwardly arranged, not much king fu, or fung shwang, or whatever that term might be (amusement might follow if you buy into the plays on words, but if you are annoyed at my faux ignorance, well, maybe your feng shui is a little out of whack and you ought to chill or move along to something less that your mind can handle because this rambling babbling is weak and if you can’t take this, you are in the wrong place… try the bible or something… oh, she did not say that… yes she did… girl, you are playing with fire… brimstone, even… what about those lights glaring?...

did you ever figure out what you are doing here?... i mean, if you don’t know me, do you know why you come, why you stay, why you read?... you don’t have to tell me, heck, you don’t even have to know, but it’s a curiosity your cat might scratch about one day so feel free to explore your reasoning in a comment cuz comments are still happy pills, even here, even now… heck, maybe you even care, in which case, maybe you will smile if you find this one:

used to be at least a few stopped by for every entry but lately it's just been one of you and right here waiting and the rest of you find your way back here later in the week... i feel your sadness and wish i could shower you with love and some energy that would burst through your depression and rekindle the glow of the you buried somewhere inside... i know you are in there... just as pockets said to peter "oh, there you are, Peter!", i know you are in there... hurting... hiding... humbled by sadness and feelings of failure... but you are still there and i love you... and i wish you would express the moment, whether it is utter despair or an overwhelming sense of nothingness or numbing pain or blind rage at the unfairness of life, i wish you would just put on word after the other and see what happens... it is worth a whole lot to me, even if you think it is worthless... let me treasure you...

and maybe you remember the many incarnations of the roller coaster ride, for that matter… oh, somebody’s missing the old written gardens all of a sudden… and wondering if anyone remembers… and what is remembered… and did anything leave an impression worth remembering on anyone anywhere… besides me, i mean… don’t go breaking a heart, now…

this may be an opportune time to pause… or not… inopportune is a song of a different color…

who hears the narf? 