starving for creative time, but otherwise fine

I was "removed" by someone at myspace today... apparently two people are in some sort of war and my leaving a comment for one of them was grounds for "removal" by the other person... I have no idea what the war was about or who the other person was, but she sought me out, judged me unworthy and evil, and "removed" me from her space... much like the reaction to my word entry a while back behind the candoor (which was, coincidentally or not, the topic of my comment), the paranoid among us read negativity and rejection where none exists and react with aggression...

perhaps even more ironically, five days ago, as if by prophesy or some such, I wrote a similar query in the myspace blog and it happens to be the current entry at the moment... the fact that I am presented with an example of one who answers a definitive 'yes' to the current query is one more synchronicity that adds to the wonder and amusement of life in this human world...

meanwhile, in other myspace news (as that is where I am finding most of my amusements and inspirations these days), the potential is mostly unfulfilled and that just leaves me longing more than ever for the bottom line womb-like inspirations in the real world RealTime™ inspiration (which has been sorely lacking for years now)... so the ache for sharing life offline on more than superficial levels is greater than usual these days and I'm full of sighs and alases, but as the title says, otherwise fine...

giggling and grinning at that, since the ache is a wonderful expression of life for me... even though I've rather the ache be relieved and the hunger the share be satiated (as if the insatiable can be satiated, but I know what I mean), it's oddly wonderful to feel starvation again...

this may be why I am writing with a certain tone, more caustic or biting or confrontative or pushing the limits or something like that... I mean in the writing I do everywhere but here... here, where I attempt to just sum up the facts, I tend to write with as much objectivity as I can muster as I am just reporting life as I recall it and not getting as babbly or creative as in my other writings... but elsewhere, well, I haven't written a sappy love song in a week or more...

obviously, based on the linkage, I am feeling desperate to be discovered in my most vulnerable moments by someone who could inspire me to fall in love again... that is such a wonderful desperation, if you understand the instinct and positivity and depths behind and within it... unfortunately, from my experiences with others, I've found most people choose the negative view of such hunger and find misery and agony and want to share a pity party with all the trimmings... and I wonder why people are so negative... afraid to feel, perhaps... alas and all...

anyway, much accomplished at work, then home to write an epic rhyme that will find it's way out on the net somewhere (epic, aye?... how's that for a build-up?)... you know, the kind of epic poem (though not as long as ancient epics, though it might be grown in time) that could be a harmless drivel or a profound reflection and/or challenge to an individual or everyone or an institution like government or religion or capitalism or any ism or maybe even the universe... I wonder what the great critics and literary analysts would make of it....

hey, what else have I got to do when I am all alone and longing like this other than amuse myself with self-important perspectives and illusions that I am some historic artifact for some future culture to treasure and/or worship, aye?...

of course this is exactly what I am not supposed to do here, babble, but then, breaking the rules is what I do everywhere... Jake 2.0 and Stargate SG1 played in the background for hours (like eight) as I browsed the web (slowly), responded to messages, babbled, rhymes, cooked and ate pizza, did several loads of laundry, and drank a ton of Code Red... so of course I have to find some drama somewhere, right?... at least my drama doesn't involved sending negative notes to people, right?... or as Don McLean sang, everybody loves me baby...what's the matter with you?... won't you tell me what did I do, to offend you?...

I suppose I should not be so amused by the real internal emotional conflicts and negativity and drama people create based on words from relative strangers on the net, but hey, I just don't understand why people would choose to be upset when they could choose to be happy... we create the fine illusions of unconditional love and beauty and trust, after all... I think it's time to turn the TV off and put on some music... I haven't listened to Meg and Dia in a week or more, after all (for shame)... oh, how I long for the fall at this moment... and the giggles... yes, the giggling true love fall, that's where I want to be...

yeah, life is just too exciting these days J