today is a holiday

(just ask the BeeGees)...

but I am burnt out big time, beyond zombie - too much fun, food, friendly people, forgetting to sleep, almost all the f-words... so i am cheating and using this comment you inspired to create an entry here cuz i am fizzing between the ears...

this is the earliest i've been home all week, it's almost midnight...

no wonder i pitched mediocrely (is that a word?) tonight... well, word or not, i definitely pitched like that... the ump didn't help, he was one of the most inconsistent umps we've seen... and there was a distinct bias in the calls, especially when right after we turned a double play, one ump said she called a time-out that nobody heard and the home plate ump went along with her even though he didn't hear any time out call either... we still played mediocrely though, me included...

i may get an hour sleep this weekend, maybe a few hours sometime Sunday morning...

this is about the time i am singing Elton John's songs... somebody save me from myself (the kid in me is on a role, hopefully the body will be able to keep up with him (wishing someone save my life tonight by actually connecting eye to eye... and the hopeful fool i am sings Carpenter songs believing it may still happen... and still i fall asleep the Honesty cuz it's all i need :)

I need a mommy who won't drive me crazy :)

nobody understands me
i've got to face this fact
everybody just watches
they don't know how to react
some people think i'm crazy
i probably scare a few
but i can only be myself
and that's all i ask of you

nobody really gets me
i've got to face the truth
the TV blares in the background
the children sell their youth
and everybody's a zombie
they don't know they have died
and i just will not fit in
no matter how hard i've tried

i guess my heart wasn't in it
fast food junking's not for me
or watching other people pretending
to live life on TV
i'm living life non-stop now
to face for most to see
and nobody wants to keep up
so i am still lonely
from crowd to crowd
still lonely

but i'm sharing more than anyone i meet
and doing more than anyone i know
and my doors are still wide open
does that scare everyone away?
I see everyone under cover
hiding from the public view
so i sit here alone writing
all these words to you

yeah, fun fun fun... and the irony is i am enjoying it, even though it's superficial and relatively meaningless as there are no lasting connections or truly life-changing meaningful conversations (ah, but that is just my perspective because i am always in the position of being more happy and secure and comfortable and ready, willing, and able to share whatever anyone needs or asks for... and if i read this i'd wonder if the writer's perspective is not skewed by ego and laugh at my doubts as hope it is true... where is the love... the trust... the truth...

so why aren't there millions of people "getting me"... i mean, i am the most loving giving caring person i've ever met... i've got more energy and am happier and more energetic than anyone i've ever met... i should have a following, like not just fans, but loyal devoted worshipers, maybe even a few stalkers... i think i've gotten too good at being human, fat, flabby, and half-heartedly faking everything... so why should anybody see through that facade and connect, even if somebody could?... i appreciate you listening...

so tomorrow I've got to wake up a 7am to have my head examined...

no really, i am finally going to get my head examined... an MRI of the head... the ear doctor wants to make sure it's just shit in my ears causing the diminished hearing (left side only) and not something more serious... i mean, he didn't come right out and say brain tumor, but why not stir up even more drama than meetup or work or whatever ever could... unfortunately, only you few dear souls will read this, so chill, it is something i always wanted to do... have my head examined, that is... they probably will not take enough pictures to satisfy me, but it's a start... when i die, i want to die of something one step beyond an x-files episode with twilight zone music playing... something like a brain abnormality that gives me some ridiculous power and communicative ability so aliens will talk to me and humans will open their minds and gow in spite of themselves... maybe a fear dissolving mental beam... anyway, i go to the ear doctor to have the wax blown out of my ears and the next thing i know i'm having my head examined... dontcha just love the modern medical machine?... I wonder what they will find up there (and can i pass as human?)...

i hope my head doesn't explode, i have a very busy weekend :)