freakin bloggin fool

or something like that... cuz the babble just doesn't want to stop and i've got all my rowdy habits (well, maybe not all my rowdy habits) around me tonight as the belly blows up like 99 whatever balloons (or one big one) and the temp tee whipped cream cheese is found out of the blue while taking precious shopping for food cuz raspy was laid off and who am i fooling when i whine and complain about being lonely and feeling put upon or taken advantage of or when is it my turn or always giving and waaa waaa whaaaa cuz nobody loves me or understands me or appreciates me the truth is even without any return or direct appreciation or anything, i love giving and there are few feelings in the world, for me, better than feeling needed...

and even if in the next moment when i indulge myself in spending more money on people (just getting back from upgrading our phones and adding raspy as a third phone line to raise the monthly bill even higher ... wait, is that a slight complaint department movement i just noticed?... or is it some little kid looking for a pat on the head and a good boy... or is it just me acknowledging what i did and why i am bouncing around happy in spite of being alone and lonely and bloated and poorer and further from a decent retirement plan or toys i want or most of all, eating what i please without a thought {well, this is a thought, isn't it?) of how i bloat further from the chances of finding someone who can turn libido on who is also interested in this body i am bloating),...

what?...

more temp tee whipped cream cheese please... on pistachio crisps... with some grape jelly... thank you breakstone of kraft and co, welch's, and true north at frito-lays for your fine products... in spite of realizing that any doubt about whether humans are a suicidal species, well, here's another look... who feeds you?... and all that simply came from wanting to find out who actually owned and made temp tee whipped cream cheese, pistachio crisps, and some grape jelly...

but not even the pending doom of us all is enough to bring down the spirits bursting at the seams (like the belly, in fact) cuz there's just something in the air, i mean, look:

and then there was the evening and i'm sitting here typing with one hand cuz the other is on ice cuz i just touched something hot from the oven and two fingers may be burned which will hurt more if i do not ice them so i am icing them and babbling with one hand is a challenge but without a tv to vege into or distract me from the fingers or ribs or lonelies, this babbling is all i've got and in spite of the happiness that comes with being me and the joy that comes from being alive and the excitement that comes from living in the moment with the awareness the anything is possible and could happen at any moment {even a knock on the door or anything), the lonelies still come to visit like an old friend cuz i still want to share caring so much... ya see? :)

i'm just in such a superdy duperdy dandy mood these days, nothing seems to wanna get me to the mostly dead blues like sometimes can happen, not even the lonelies... not even silence at the most inopportune times... not even losing a softball game or finding myself handing out more money when i just told myself to draw the line... not even the emo sappiness inspired by my emotional sunday softball team that poured out in real time or the roller coaster of rhymes that are sprinkled all over the place in the blogs and i'm not even linking them all for attention like i usually do... not even the hurt that comes when friends and family hurt and are down and there's a lot of that around me these days... not even the belly and bloat and painful breathing and inability to cough or sneeze or do many things this week... not no way, not no how... just something strange in the air (inside of me)...

i hope you find your magical mystery glee inside too :)

and that's not all, but you ought to do a little running around and finding stuff for yourself in the many (at least a dozen at last count) new rhymes popping out (like the belly) all over the written gardens lately... there's just so much excitement and yet, so much trepidation and yet, so much hope and yet, so much fear as the patterns seem eerily the same as they ever was, or were, or whatever... i learned to survive by distracting myself with words and dang doodley dood doodle if i am not remembering the best survival tchnique i've got just when i needed it most (so many song cues we'll need a libretto to get out of here)...

i like my new toy phone... i almost splurged on an iphone and then almost splurged on an lg vu and then looked at a blackberry bold and then left with three free sony/erikson phones that are the same as the one i've had for two years, only two years better (or so the consumer 101 class told me) cuz they are newer models and they were free... precious got red... raspy got green... i got black... the old phone is now a 2.0mp camera and 1gb mp3 player (that can expand to lots more gbs if i want to buy more cards...

and after taking raspy and precious to lunch at china jade, which i think is one of raspy's favorite restaurants, and all that other stuff, and eating three hot dogs with mustard ketchup and onions in red sauce, i am now finishing off eight ounces of temp tee whipped cream cheese and half a jar of jelly and half a bag of pistachio crisps and wow, look at the belly grow... i'd say i'm at least five, maybe six months along, if i was with baby, that is... yeah, what about the babies... sigh and all...

but oh, such comfort food heaven... all i'd need now is fox's u-bet chocolate syrup and milk and life would be perfect (or is that death by comfort food?)... ok, so i exaggerate a little... a hot fudge sundae and the one would help... i see how people get to 800 pounds or more now... i mean, if i did this ten hours a day for ten years, i'd be on daytime tv in a custom wheelbarrow too...

and at work, the chocolate bowls are still overflowing... amazing decadence, how sweet it is, to stuff a pig like me... once i was thin, now i am fat, was blind, but now i see all the food all around me... yum, yum, thank you jebus... homer simpson eat your heart out (oh, the pun of it all)... wait, maybe it's more funnier if it went went blind, diabetes got me...... spiritual, isn't it?...

so what's up with you and your silly selves?... a personal blackout in the great white north and a total eclipse in sunny eggo, signs of life in the european theatre... and loving in irvine, but that's so consistent it's even more beautiful every time... and the rest of you freakin bloggin fools, whatcha doing just sitting there alone in your room, come here the music play (la la la), i mean sitting there there silently wondering if you'd be welcome in my odd little somewhat impromptu freakin bloggin family... come on in, the water's fine, and if you ask real nice i won't call you out, however obscurely, for any reason at all... you are worth it, you are welcome, and you are definitely paranoid if you think i really see you out there right now...

so how many fingers am i holding up?...

i love you and miss you, even when i am blogging a couple of times a day over in thereal, even when i am babbling on in rhymes and reasons elsewhere... even when i am rushing through life working and playing offline so much that i just barely make time for the brief thereal updated and the babbles like this and the occasional rhyming fountain of words that spews forth from the innards of my insides and do not make more internet time to visit you as regularly as you deserve to be visited... i love you and miss you so there...

maybe it's the music...


happy birthday mikey b