probably recycled babble

yes, this is another of those entries that celebrate the awkward pause, or recycled babble, whichever comes first... with or without masturbatory fantasies, as you wish... cuz the film V is a favorite for it's theme and not just cuz natalie portman dresses up as a little girl to stimulate the pedophiles inside everyone, right?...

well, now that i've offended half the world and enraged the other half, let's get on with the rest of this entry that most of you will never read, even if you did stop nby here to see what the hell was going on...

somewhere it was written:

everything in this world is so skewed by human judgments, by preconceptions of right and wrong, how can anyone have a clearly objective perspective or understanding of anything?...

so do i choose to be alone, intimately, not trusting unconditionally, intimately, because i do not trust others because everything in this world is so skewed by human judgments, by preconceptions of right and wrong, logic suggest that no one could have a clearly objective perspective or understanding of anything and without that, no one's judgment can be trusted, which is the basis for most, if not all, decision and actions, so no one's actions can be trusted, so no one can be trusted...

so the question for me, or anyone accepting the above logic as true, is how to get past this obvious logic to actually attempt to physically trust another human enough to actually develop an intimate physical relationship beyond momentary sexual contact...

i believed i found the answer a few times, but being alone again might point to an error in that belief as the relationships did not continue...

chocolate thoughts are not always fun, aye?...


somewhere lost in though, this thought surfaces: be trusted...


and then, from out of left field (or the boob toob), i think... wow, i wonder if the obvious difference in how david letterman approaches and interacts with little girls and little boys would have been as noticeable on his 2009 halloween bit if his apparent history of womanizing was not recently exposed... the kids appeared uncomfortable either with being on stage or with dave or both... but it was his flirtatious language and extended conversations with the little girls and brevity with the little boys that stood out from my perspective... his launguage was almost creepy and pretty manipulative, in fact, and definitely different for each gender... i find myself disappointed in him now more than i was before...

but you see what really happened to bring this downbeat period (that might actually be bringing me back to the web, oddly, cuz euphoria doesn't seek nearly as much company as misery, after all...

i stopped to play a video game that helped me focus on dropping the weight i piled on during a few years of imbalanced diet and when i returned to daily blogging more than ever, i find the past month has unfocused the balance i had achieved in the diet and have regained at least ten of the almost forty pounds i lost during the two or so months of what i semi-jokingly called the video game diet...

no sexual impetus for streamlining and optimizing this body, obviously, so it's all your fault, people, for not sending a lover in the right body to inspire me to remember the sensuality more often... after all, i don't need to be optimal to masturbate, do i?...

wait, are you still here?...

embarrassing, isn't it?...

bare assing?...

narf too :)