threads of emotion

i am not sure how it is for you or others as i do not live in your bodies or experience your life, but i find this life to be held in memory as a tapestry, a painting, a story from beginning to end and most of my most intense memories are vivid threads of emotion that do not fade with time... when talking to others, this seems to be unique to my experience of life in the brain in the head on the shoulders of this body... most people seem to let much of their past fade away or somehow disconnect from their memory...

i imagine that to be a rather superficial, empty experience of life, but then, it is all a matter of perspective...

for me, something will trigger a thread and take me back to the moments the memory was first created and i have some as far back to when i was three years old or earlier... mila kunis does that for me (and not just visually, though she is a top few libido fantasy, speaking of which, how am I going to react to black swan in which two {yes, natalie portman {though she does have issues a bit and seems a bit uptight to libbo} is another and come to think of it, wynona ryder is in that too and she’s at least in the top hundred or so} of my most recent top five libido fantasies kiss?... jealousy, turn on, even I don’t know… yes, libido does have an active fantasy life and more so, I am well aware it is pure fantasy… that’s what makes it so harmlessly guilt-free and enjoyable, after all… of course either of you are welcome to come over and share a laugh over my libido anytime, I mean, just in case you stopped by to read this bit of babble about you… meanwhile, there was something going on outside of this parenthetic libido fantasy aside so let’s get back to that now, whatever it was) as she reminds me of amy, one of the first who met initial criteria to be the one in this life and that brings me to wherever I might have been going before I got distracted finding links to slip into this paragraph…

ummmmm…

yeah, memories…

or libido fantasy, which are very closely linked in the brain and someday, science will confirm what libbo always knew, that we can all be quite ridiculously simple (and some cal it base, vulgar, or some other derogatory tern mostly because they are afraid of themselves, especially their own bodies and the sensuality they can feel… very sad, if you take an objective enlightened perspective… but anyway, that just leads to the pedophilic quality of most sexuality in our culture as the repression leads to secretive lusts for innocents, those ignorant of sexuality so they won’t acknowledge the learned fears and judgments and force hypocrisy closer to the surface, which is a real buzz kill for sex…

still, this entry was not meant to be about sex, it was to be about memory, and yet, the fact that this is related to the specific memory of the person who turned me on most in the actual physical experience in this entire life, naturally libbo pops up (entendre not actually intended)… more than all the sexuality in the world, however, is the depths of turn on that are ethereal (spiritual, emotional, intellectual… in other words, non-physical and much more profoundly lasting than the touches)… and while mila and Natalie have major qualities for libbo and mila is so much a memory of the first face/body to turn me on past all limits, natalie’s harvard education is more appealing to my mind… which brings me, however randomly, to harry potter…

yes, ok, I confess am a harry potter fan and while it is not just cuz of the schoolboy crush I have on the hermione character (not so much the real life emma watson, though I am amused by her public diddlings, for instance:

Child star Emma Watson teases the libido with her vagina (not that anyone would focus on three seconds out of a ten minute interview, right?) but it is for a good cause, after all, and it certainly doesn’t hurt her career. At least she does keep her sense of humor about it.

but seriously, now, if actresses did not want to tease for publicity and their career, why would any wear mini-skirts on talk shows when the slightest movement will flash panty (isn’t that the purpose of mini-skirts or skirts anyway?... I mean, to ever so innocently {without meaning to, of course, like the decision to not wear pants or a long skirt or even underwear [no, no links to brittany today] was accidental} tease with sexuality?)…

yeah, well, all I can say in my irreverent way is… good thing she doesn’t live in turkey), though I would love to meet a real life girl like Hermione, it is the experience of being orphaned and unwanted and making it anyway that grabs me most personally…

oh, was I writing a serious sentence about myself that got out of hand?... if you are not laughing with me, you missed the whole point (and may want a different government (or treatment for paranoia) and if you are upset or outraged or disgusted (you may not be enjoying life to it's fullest due to your fear that you don't have enough control over yourself or whatever and spent most of your time worrying about how to convince others that they should be afraid enough to spend their time fighting to change things that are mostly in your mind or meaningless in day to day real life, but then, i {or anything, in fact} could be wrong), you will probably have ulcers someday if you don’t already do… I write for the non-judgmental fools like me :)

returning to the original point, perhaps, or closer to the core, if nothing else, it is the intellect portrayed by the hermione character that is the real turn on… emma and mila and so some extent, Natalie as well have the physical body that appeals most to libbo, but then, so do many thousands of others easily viewed on the internet or in life (though much more easily viewed on the internet, which shows how visually dependent libidos and emotions may have become on the internet in recent years and how that effects our affects and changes the social dynamics of human relations could be a fascinating course of study if I ever decided to find the time to return for more advanced studied in institutions of higher learning, or simply did it on my own)… libbo is way too easily satisfied, even mine, which is way narrower in criteria than the norms, but that’s libbo’s story and this entry was not supposed to be about libbo, so moving right along…

today amy turns another year older so I gathered all this here to say…

happy birthday amy

I do not know where all the other stuff came from :)