and incomplete thoughts

more often than not, we wonder what is real? (or brilliance, for that matter?)... as the babble flows or as the life occurs within and around us... but i won't speak for you so much as i speak for humanity and then, that's folly as i may not even know myself, hence the question what is real? as if spelling out the obvious makes it more real or somehow brings clarity of sort to the obscurity that is like abstract art painted on the ether of time and space (and, of late, the internet)...

take the previous entry, for instance, as blasts from the past emerge from new reflections of history to open doors and clear paths i have no time to travel down (or up, for that matter), yet i somehow scratch out just enough on sign posts to point me in the direction i might wander if i recall where i was at the time when i might once again have the time to wonder...

or for that matter, the entry prior to that in which i dedicate a moment to the jester of late night television who reminds me of me enough to enjoy the reflections of his rather zig-zaggy mind and the hope rises again that someone might actually like me enough to hang close in real life cuz, after all, he has a large enough fan base to be on for almost a thousand shows and is married as well, for whatever that means...

and another night i crash at around the 8pm hour only to wake again with head racing with blood and thoughts at about the 11pm hour (but where is the four hour rem cycle, i wonder?... condensed or skipped or broken, and is that the frontal lobe pressure i feel?) to move from big green chair to bed only to lay in bed lay in the dark listening to the sounds of the night that call out to me to return to the big green chair and the laptop to write such nonsense as this...

dare i seek the inspirations of audio video again and ride the wave of creative play that might bring and in turn, put off for another night the precious sleep so required for health on every level and therein risk the stroke i expect will end the babbling for this life somday (unless the heart gives out first) or is this stepping too deeply into the visceral underbody of thereal with or without the benefits of linkage maps or sky charts or things that go rhyme in the night...

and if that was a question, is the answer blowing in the wind or waiting for someone outside of my head to care to ask to arrive to share to reflect to be real in the flesh and blood touch-sense of the here and now in which i breath as opposed to here and now in which i write (or you read, for that time and space and matter)...

or is it the hot sticky air due to turning off the air-conditioner unintentionally because it froze up once again and i have not had time to arrange for the maintenance people to come by to fix it because i have not had time to pick up behind myself or tidy this place in weeks and the surface reflection of clutter and disarray is not where i want anyone to wander unless i am present that raises the body temperature and increases the cranial pressure and brings me back to the babbling place once again...

or a combo platter if not all of the above...

and then there was this:

is thinking, "the frivolous jealousy of your unrequited love has lead to an absurd rebounding joke." © will get back w/everyone
karen

that was read on someone myspace page and i wonder who now as i did not paste that quote next to a specific link and the browsers required a shut down thanks to the windows inefficient memory drains so connections may be lost for the moment... or not, as i was wise enough to send a message and still curious, i checked myspace and the kind heart that she must have relieved my curiosity enough to respond (so i give her credit for the intriguingly inspiring words) and now i wonder even more if what those words meant to her is/was anything near what those words seem to mean to me and yet, i see so many other meanings and levels and layers as well...

anyway, for what it's worth, this came out in response:

tell me more please? :)

I mean, what does it mean, cuz it means something to me at a level deeply stirring my subconscious as if it was meant to be said to me as some sort of important reminder to stop making a mockery of my deepest dreams (and somehow the song once in love with amy plays in the background of my mind adding a deeper association) and myself and to start living and actualizing the dream...

or something like that :)

i wonder now, to myself mostly (cuz, after all, you are a stranger who might not care to be a friend or want to know me at all and may even find annoyance in my babbling and if that is the case i will stop as soon as you let me know my messages are not welcome in your mailbox, but thank you just the same for the thoughts and inspirations your few words provided and i haven't even touched on the thank yous hat you deserve for the rest of the stimuli that fills your myspace page {especially the sci-fi stuff as i too travel far from this planet in my mind and, to take it a step further, firmly believe that my psyche does not belong and is not from this planet or the human species, but then, that could be viewed as a psychiatric disorder so let's laugh and leave the world to wonder if i am serious or just irreverently pondering the number 42 with douglas adams and dr. who somewhere out there} cuz it's kind of like an audio-visual candy store for me), who are you?...

i babble, irreverently, but i live by my ideal which is honesty without harm and i intend no offense as i freely allow my brain to wander in words here (there, or anywhere)... i love it when someone appreciates words, or me, and tries to know or understand me, but some love it, some hate it, some ignore it, do, as wesley once said, as you wish...

perhaps it's time to sing groucho marx hello, i must be going... in any case, for the time you spend creating your page, you are much appreciated, for whatever that might be worth to you... i shall, as i quote your words in my babbles, give you credit and a link (see, i won't steal cuz you said no) as i explore the inspirations you provide... and while i sometimes disappear from myspace for weeks or longer, i will do my best to respond to you, should you wish a conversation to continue, somehow, someway, somewhere...

i hope you make today/tonight wonderful :)

ric
(my email)
407-325-1482

so there i am doing my introduction thing in my weird way... spontaneous outpouring of everything in my head usually puts people off, but perhaps karen really means it when she says she'd like a real life dr. who to take her off this rock and might not be put off by my mental wanderings...

how about you? :)

of course, if you've been following my babble for a while, especially the few of you who trail back to the diaryland days of planet candora and the rest, might see or sense the deeper memories and meanings i might see in the few words quoted above and if i had time i'd wander deeper tonight, but alas, the good news is i remembered to return to the thought stream and remembered where the spark was ignited and reinforced the connection right here so perhaps i shall return again and build on whatever might come of this...

ever so appropriate title, no doubt, aye? :)