wanna catch up?
meanwhile, it's been a while... so maybe we ought to catch up a bit... we;ll try that later when the drugs wear off... what drugs?... oh, imaginary drugs, naturally... the company i work for does random drug testing so i gave up drugs (bummer, i know... or at least part of me knows) though chocolate and sugar are still amazing... the body and mind remain a fun playground independent of external chemicals which, in the long run, is so much better cuz, after all, what if we were on a desert island or a post apocalyptic world where we had to depend on our own minds and bodies for everything... left with only self-stimulation for a high, it's good to know how get the brain to produce the drugs others typically buy on the street... in other words, in a world without music, it is good to know how to inject your soul with some sweet rock and roll (or let's say you were deaf, i mean, the metaphors are overlapping and endless, after all)... and then i thought about some tv sci-fi...
yeah, so?... sometimes i wonder if there is the same profound optimism about the future of humanity in dr. who or even in the hitchhiker's guide to you-know-what as there is in star trek or is star trek just hopelessly naive about human nature as the most hopeful writers of the bible, or wikipedia, for that matter... who?... but seriously, are we a most promising species or are we merely mostly harmless but ultimately, worth saving in spite of general ambivalence (who may or may not be a character in the last novel ever written) or is it all, in the end, apophenia (or something like that, as if there is a question to be answered at all after all)... and meanwhile, after the fact and relatively off topic (hey, i'll be your friend in real life what life? because i know how irreverence keeps people at bay, or something like that... just friends, m'ok?) but still an interesting couple of couplings (perhaps for trivia lovers only with a slight smirk or maybe for those who find the word god so meaninglessly over-used that it instantly negates any interest or meaning in any article (or tweet, even) containing it) in the physical world many call the real world is Tom Baker married his companion Lalla Ward who later married Richard Dawkins (but that is certainly mostly beside the who) and some may call it humanism if the process ever works, maybe we're wrong, what? not irreverence, not again? (or maybe the ultimate question is... is everything shameless self-promotion?... maybe)... would you like to buy a vowel?... how about a number?...
because you are one too, right?... of course right... i've miss you, which is so strange in so many ways but mostly because for the most part, we've not met... most of you have never been in the same space or even share the sound of our own voices and yet, i remember the comments, the emails, the smiles you shared and inspired when i had the time to ramble on here and i miss that... i want to know how you are today and what is going on in your life and hoping you want to know what is going on in mine, here's a casually placed summary to catch up on where i've been (nonchalance is so hard to resist, aye?... or is it just harder to reject... something like that) :)
softball is in semi-full swing again (though limiting it to four days a week, including one practice day) as i play on monday and friday evenings and sundays with a practice every other saturday morning and so far, the winning is winning over the losing giving all three of my teams winning records that i lose track of after the first or second games... the sunday team, having played our second game today, is 2-0 even though the team played poorly in the field both games and hit poorly in the second game today... hopefully we will get better as this is the season that determines which two teams goes to the world series and while we've gone the past two years, it was only because two other teams did not want to go the past two years so we took the second spot and we did not do well at the series (fun as it is to go away somewhere for a week of softball) and this season we have five or six new players with varying limited skills and minimal softball knowledge and a couple of them seem to think they know enough to coach, which does not bode well for winning... still, there's always hope... the other two teams are on track for the playoffs in both leagues even though the leagues are mixed with a few much better teams and a few really weak teams and we are in the middle... outcomes aside, i love to play and wish i had time to play more and so i am having fun...
life is mostly about work these days since taking the new job back in the fall of 2013 and that is sometimes frustrating as i am deeply lonely deep inside even though i rarely have time to feel it deeply or explore it or express it (or wallow in it, so being busy has some positive going for it) and yet i love the work i do and need to remind myself to head home after working through the day without taking a break or eating lunch most days because i juggle many balls and just continue from one to the next as they rise to become the next priority... so closer to the bottom line reality of this life, i am happy doing what i do in spite of the loneliness because i love what i do...
at home, jackson is home even less than i am which makes it tough for happiness the dog especially since he is getting old and has accidents when left alone for long hours so jackson drives 15 miles each way (at least a 45 minute driving time round trip) just to walk him which is an extra $70-$80 a month on top of other expenses (especially since her other job is 15+ miles in the opposite direction), but the good news is happiness is still playful and jackson is paying more of her bills even as she is risking burning herself out... so i am out at work 50-60 hours a week most weeks with 10-20 hours doing work for work at home and she is out at work 90-100 hours most weeks and works home too and we try to watch a few tv shows and have dinner together a few times a week just to remember what we look like... happy idiots, perhaps, but i, for one, still wonder how humans ever got to this point where life is so much about making money and so little about actually experiencing the full randomness and social experience of life...
we've had some expensive fun, saw jackson brown in concert recently and saw other concerts and shows over the past years (i'll forget many if i try to list them, but recalling some includes alice cooper, motley crue, the moody blues, chicago, amy steinberg, melissa etheridge, milissa ferrick, brandy carlisle... and a bunch of broadway touring shows too and six ucf football games and a magic game and a soccer game and more) and we have tickets for sara mclachlin and alanis morrisette coming up... and i play a lot of softball and jackson plays on fridays with me and has a bowling league on saturday nights and she gets to the gym several times a week for a couple of hours of strong workouts (something i ought to get back to myself) so we somehow squeeze in a lot of fun and good stuff and all in all, life is fuller than full and mostly much fun...
it's all a lot of multi-tasking, for instance, while writing this entry i have been listening to part one and part two of this discussion of minds i respect a lot...
what else do you wanna know? :)
i missed a bunch of fun creative art experiences in that catch up but there's so little time to remember when so much time is spent living life... not living alone is much more fun and rewarding and comforting than living alone even though i enjoy my alone time too... so what is happening in your life in your world in your dreams in your reality?... dreams are reality if you live them, ya know... i live most of mine, though there is the falling in love dream that takes another person that i am not living at the moment, but you know that already... i am still hoping to fall in love again in this life, as is jackson, but we agree that we are mostly happier together than we would be on our own... just in case you happen to be exactly what we are looking for, or think you know the one for either of us, do send them this way... or that way... or give them my number for crying out loud... it's around here somewhere...
tweet tweet... god knows i've tried...
yeah, i tweet now and then... call it sociology 140... even philosophy at times... or meaningless trivia... shut down facebook lately, but i will likely turn it back on eventually... twitter takes a lot less of my time and offers fewer distractions... not much in the way of communication there either, but that never stopped me (as you know if you've followed me over the years)... i mean, i am not a dishwasher but i do write a lot, still, even with the limited time... i just write in shorter segments... briefer moments... more abstract babble...
as you see, there is little time to really dive deep and get lost in the babble... it is not that i've changed, i just don't have time to nurture my heart dreams the way i used to... all the tired horses in the sun (or babble blogs if you recall)...
this may not be done, but...
posted by candoor at 1:26 AM
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