blurrier

the irony of this old monitor selectively (or is that randomly) losing focus on some pages and allowing visual acuity on other pages is creeping into several laugh centers in my brain... blogspot blogs appear consitently blurry (and sometimes I can clear that up by right clicking so the pull down menu pops up and then the monitor remains in focus, but sometimes that doesn't work)... other sites appear blurry while they are loading and come into focus after they load... other sites only come into focus when I scroll down from the header...

there must be some sort of scientific explanation for it, a graphic coding factor or something in the processing of the bits from the internet into the visual tube of light, but my lack of time reaction is simply to want to toss the monitor out the window for a moment and then be amused...

I don't do that because it's a 21 inch monitor and I do not want to return to the 17 inch monitor until I absolutely must... I keep hoping that I motivate myself to break into my bank and steal enough for a new computer system that includes a new 21 inch monitor (though I may be frugal and settle for a 19... as I cringe... I am so visually spoiled these days)...

another irony or coincidence or both or neither is that I have a driver's license renewal appointment on Thursday during which I may have to re-take the entire test from scratch because I did not notice my license expired more than a year ago and that';ll mean taking the eye test, the written test, and maybe the driving test again and I am trying to remember the strict rules of the road because it would suck if they took away my license because I don't remember precisely how many feet it takes to stop when travelling at 65 mph or something...

but the irony or coincidence I refer to is that every time to monitor blurs I think of the eye test and wonder if they will put a stipulation on my license that I must wear glasses to drive... I've never worn glasses and still can read lyric inserts and most of the fine print on CD covers, but it's been decades since I had an eye exam so I am having eye exam anxiety because I don't want to have to drive with glasses on (or face the fact that this body is actually aging and the eyes are not perfectly 20-20 anymore)...

again, the monitor mocks me and I laugh... I still don't seem to find reason to takew anxiety or worry or any of that stuff seriously for more than a moment... but this blurry monitor is making the internet even less a place I rush to visit each day and I am already (as you know, if you're following along in my rambling story of a life spead across various websites) sloacking on the daily connection to you through this medium...

and still, just this week, I raised my monthly bill in order to have the highest of the high speed DSL pumped into this apartment so Precious can enjoy it on her 2005 computer (Rasputin and I don't benifit much on our prehistoric machines)... yes, I do often travel simultaneously in different directions... I hereby copyright those last four words for a book, CD, or movie title, just for the halibut...

and the dolphins too...

so anyway, we watched mostly music yesterday, since I did not watch to drive much since my license has been expired for more than a year... and some of the Germany-Portugal game and The 40 Year Old Virgin too (I am starting to relate to that experience and realizing it's so much simpler to solve in the movies... alas, fit bouncy sensuous girls are just not throwing themselves at you in real time if you're not the star or the star's buddy)... after that I saw the animated Anastasia for the first time so related to that journey and search as I dreamed of meeting Meg Ryan once again...

Precious (who is biologically my roommate's 17 year old daughter, though I've hung out and talked with her a lot since she moved down here with us a few years ago as Rasputin is gone working so much) went out with her best friend to the library for an hour or two and cooked hamburger helper dinner when she got home and I cleaned and did laundry... and I cleaned... I cleaned all day and long into the night... I have a couple more bags of paper trash as I continue tossing paper I've had stuffed into boxes since coming down to Florida again in 1999... so many memories... so many emotions... so much angst, adrenalin surges, catharsis... and I experience that inner journey all by myself, which is lonely, but perhaps inevitible while I am, as the wise and inspirational 9 points out, waiting for RealTime™ (which has a lot to do with falling and being in love again, but that's a whole other ramble)...

and that's what happened since last I dropped some words here... I just popped out of a too-short but hot steamy shower and today I'll be cleaning some more and hopefully napping enough so I won't be dragging too much on my Sunday-Monday 17 hour shift that starts in less than 12 hours...

bless you for visiting and letting me know I am not completely alone in my inner world... may you find fun and much value in your journey today...