why I am not sleeping

yes, the topic for today's monologue will be a lecture or analysis or perhaps both pertaining to and attempting to actually focus on the subject of this post which is, as we can plainly see unless we are blind, in which case call 407-325-1482 and ask me to read it to you, but then, if you are blind you probably won't know I just put my telephone number in this introductory paragraph so you can call me to read the blog to you because you can't see it...

right, well, now that we've cleared that up...

I am awake because... wait, I have not just brushed off all of my blind readers, I've simply realized that I do not have the time or brain capacity at the moment to come up with a suitable solution to the blind readership of blogs on the web... it is sad that a whole class of people are not provided with a place in blogdom and I believe we must insist on audio blogging to be made available free to the blind...

what's that?... audio blogging is free to anyone who has the computer capacity to audio blog?... ah yes, even video blogging is available, I should have remembered the good professor z0tl demonstrating his fine skills in that arena not long ago... I do hope he continues even though I haven't the computer capacity to access much in the way of audio or video blogging, which kinda of makes me blind to audio video blogging, which is ironic considering the content of this entry so far, don't you think?...

I empathize, I'm not sure I understand me myself all the time...

anyway, I am supposed to be (by the way, this entry will be duplicated and posted behind the candoor with bonus material {hey, it works for CDs and DVDs, right?} because it is by nature and in fact, some serious babbling and babbling belongs behind the candoor, not here... but be that as it may be or not to be, we are here now and the question is why am I not sleeping... or why I am not sleeping, interrogative toneage to the statement as a proper thesis might be...

first, I went to the Nintendo Fusion Tour tonight at the Hard Rock Cafe and saw The Sleeping, Plain White T's, Emory, Reliant K, and Hawthorne Heights... or to expound, I saw The Sleeping (who were very much awake, too much so at times), Plain White T's (who actually were not plain and not all white and not T's at all, though the T-Shirts they sold were cool, though not plain or white either), Emory (who's name reminds me of a nail file and their sound did a bit of the same), Reliant K (who's name reminds me of two different Chrysler/Plymouth cars of different eras, but that has nothing to do with their music and I enjoyed them), and Hawthorne Heights (who had an excellent set, a blindingly good light show, and fit the bill as fine headliners)... I went thinking I would like Plain White T's best and I did, but Reliant K and Hawthorn Heights were not far behind at all in their songs and both were musically and theatrically more advanced...

for a while I felt old, then I felt like I was in a room full of conservative robots and I was walking on eggshells trying not to upset anyone and then I realized that the place was oppressive and they had ghestapo pushing through the crowd escorting people out for having too much fun (no moshing or crowd surfing, but they were defining dancing as moshing prematurely as I saw it) so the bands could not get the crowd going so they didn't get going themselves as well as they could and by the end they were mocking the oppressive atmosphere and I was one of the most actively bouncing people in the place because I stood away from people about bounced and they couldn't throw me out for moshing or crowd surfing and Hawthorn picked up on it and told the crowd they won't throw them out for jumping and they jumped a bit, but by then they were deflated and oh well, the oppressors win another round...

like the Drama Director at Precious's school who is butting into another teacher's production of a funny show (I'll think of the name another time) and telling the cast not to act, but to read the lines straight, because the play calls for one part to be played drunk and another to be played gay and the drama director is a conservative prude who says that's not appropriate because the girl plays drunk too well and the gay guy plays gay too well and yet that is what acting is about and that is a lot of the comedy in the play so the cast is saying they will ignore her come opening night and dare her to shut to production down on the subsequent nights...

but that's besides the pint, I mean point, though some of you might think pint made more sense, especially my English speaking audience, British English, that is, and that's besides the pint and point too (as usual... see why this entry belongs behind the candoor?)...

I am still here awake because the concert was good in spite of the conservative ghestapo (I know I am not spelling that the German way, I think... pretend I did it on purpose and move along)... but that's not the reason I am still awake...

Precious decided, without making it quite clear, to dump me and meet her friends after the concert and drive up with them and apparently sleep over there with best friend Dreamer... the there happens to be at the house of the gay guy from the show (so perhaps that was a little part of the point, a pints worth, perhaps)... they claim he is not just acting the part of gay, in fact, so he's safe and he's not getting a ménage a trois and I suppose I trust Precious enough to believe that even thought she didn't tell me the whole story (though she did tell me, last night, that she might be going out with her friends after the concert and she did mention she and Dreamer might sleep over his house... she didn't mention that I was supposedly driving all of them, chaperoning, so to speak, and that Dreamer's parents were told Dreamer is sleeping over here... such subterfuge is normal for most kids, but not for Precious and me and it bugged me enough to keep me awake wanting to write here... you reading this Precious?)...

we did have a brief heart to heart (mostly mine owning up to the shithead I've been in some ways lately... her turn, should she choose to accept it, will come later this week, I hope... if not, the respect may not be there anymore and it may never have been real in the first place {ooooo, how worst-case-scenario of me, huh?}... there's more beneath the surface and I have my thoughts {and they relate to a dad who is kind of there on again off again and even more, I think, avoiding facing the coming responsibilities of life and picking up her dad's habits cuz maybe she's just afraid of growing up... or I could be wrong}, but I'll let her tell me if she wants to)...

and then (yes, that wasn't enough to raise my blood pressure and have me sitting here rambling away), I find the computer frozen and CDs out of place as I sit down here (and I have no idea when that could have happened, the CDs, that is, because I left the house last and came home first)... the computer apparently locked up during a virus scan, possibly because I shut it down during the scan not knowing the scan was going on (it automatically sets it to scan daily, I've learned tonight), but it when I turned it back on after shutting it down with the power button, it turned itself off in mid-boot... so the next time it came up in Safe Mode and I did a virus scan and found no viruses, but did find some errors on the boot sectors and when I tried to make a recovery disk I didn't realize it would need more than seven floppies (and all this time passing, 25 minutes to do the scan, 20 minutes to create the recovery disks) and the process was aborted due to an error even after I found enough disks and put seven through...

and so I came here, to think...

it ain't easy being one of those who live in the madhouse on the other side of the wall (kudos to Kahlil Gibran and so on)...

and so on that note, for those who understand (and dear friends, readers, and blind folk who hopefully have a friend reading this to them), I bid you a fine fondue... I shall return over the weekend with who knows what, but the goal is almost always to fill up every date behind the candoor (because it keeps the babbler on tip toes and when the babbler is on tip toes I am more alert and active and bouncy and all is right with the world, or at least better than when the babbler is flat-footed), continue the daily brief life updates here (I did say brief, didn't I?), continue letting myspace get under my skin in various ways (good ways, I hope), remember to remember the creative muses and rhymes that demand more attention, gardens require feeding and all that (because gardens and all that dies without feeding), and just plain having a grand time of it in this game called life...

it was a fine evening, music, confession, confrontation, hopefully some getting through some newly developing walls, and even though the hard drive still sounds like it has the hiccups and the old computer is showing semi-frightening signs of being on it's last legs, all's well that ends well and I'll process more tomorrow as I deal with whatever life happens around me...

and I'll do my best to get some sleep soon and get to work on time too... though I don't seem to be leaving on queue (or is that cue?) as I often do, or don't do, but that's not the question, thought it is certainly a sign that the question deserved asking because I am obviously not sleeping yet...

or maybe it's not so obvious...

ah, the self-depreciation arrives finding giggles in return, so all must be well with the world (at least from my perspective)... and if this isn't the longest entry in RealTime, then it's certainly close (I think, I don't have a word or character measuring stick going here), for whatever that bit of side noting is worth...

so why is it exactly that I am not sleeping?...

if you are laughing, yay, cuz I sure am and you might just be getting me a bit if you got that... whatever it was... irreverence saves... but we'll save the sermon for the first holy church of irreverence for another day, or night, as the case may be...

and in conclusion, I wish I could channel Groucho Marx because he always had some of the best exit lines... being that I seem to be short on them myself at the moment, I will borrow one of his that seems rather appropriate for the moment and mood and perhaps even for this entry (even though I did use it before somewhere and this entry is far from done, but that's for behind the candoor to disclose)... so until next time, dear sweet adoring imaginary fans and 2.6 readers, I sail off to elsewhere on the fine feathered word play of the great master himself and say...

hello, I must be going J