pizza with extra extra cheese
well, the excitement of being a legal driver was just too much for us, I know, so naturally I sent my will power packing for the night and cooked up a 13" x 13" pizza with a pound and a half of cheese on top... and a couple of dozen pepperoni... and a liter of Code Red...
but no dessert...
I suppose some of the will power lingered around a bit to make sure I don't completely defeat the will power of the rest of the week... after all, there was some sort of weight loss goal written down here or somewhere some time ago and I might actually remember what it was and hold myself accountable one of these days...
I'll be back...
and so I am... back, that is... I decided it was time to clean out the temporary internet files folder and see if that might stop the background noises that the hard drive makes now and then as if there are processes going on behind the scenes... maybe it's certain websites that auto-save, like this one./.. or maybe some computer genius is hacking into my 300mhz monster and using some of the massive 32Mb of RAM without my knowledge... or maybe the hard drive is heading for failure... or maybe it's something else, but it can be distracting and that can be annoying so I tried to stop it by clearing the cache...
it didn't work... the hard drive is still doing this weird thing of lighting up and making noise every few seconds as if it's doing something and yet all I've got open and all I know the computer is doing is letting my type in this box and the hard drive doesn't stop doing it when I stop typing...
so I try to ignore it... and while this entry began a while ago and I took a break to try to help the computer stop gurgling (well that's what it sounds like), I found Drop Dead Fred on the TV without commercials and since I adore the silliness and endearing qualities of the film (not to mention Phoebe Cates), I left the TV on after Rasputin wnt to bed and after the games and the amazing disappearing girl, Precious, just reappeared into our lives after being incommunicato and whereabouts unknown for the entire evening and night...
I wish she'd see how disrespectful she is to her dad (and me), especially since her best friend has to call her parents every time she changes location, even when she's with Raspy and me or another adult type person, not to mention having to ask permission to go out places and stay out late into the evening or night... she takes advantage of the Raspy's permissiveness and acts entitled and gets rude if it's pointed out... she's still blown off cleaning her room and doing dishes or any other cleaning around the house knowing she's promised her dad she'd do it and pitch in the keep the place decent dozens of times over the past couple of years...
sometmes I ask how did she ever get so spoiled and lazy and disrespectful... maybe she's subconsciously paying her dad back for not being there for a number of years when her mom moved her away and kept her on the tightest leash imaginabl;e to the point where she was not allowed any extra curricular activities and was stuck in the house every day of the week... hopefully she'll realize just how childishly selfish and disrespectful she was during these years because that'll mean she's finally taking some responsibility and actualizng caring about those who care for her...
maybe she'll notice I'm not dropping everything to listen to the story of her day and realize she might consider others now and then... or maybe she'll just feel put off and justify blowing it and her dad and me off like she usually does...
anyway, the pizza was the first thing cooked in the new oven (to return to my self-centered report on me and this life I loosely call mine and all the mundane details that make it up... after all, that is what you come here for, all two point six of you... and the occasional passer-by... and maybe a few silent readers too...
Raspy talked me into signing up for a fantasy basketball draft... it's scheduled for SUnday... I have minimal interest in fantasy sports these days, but I'll enjoy the draft and then let the season take care of itself... we did set our fantasy football teams... I am somehow in first place in two of the three leagues I am in (the two Raspy is in)... in the peck 'em leagues I'm not doing so well... it takes too much time to do the research... but still, it's fun...
today at work I took another step toward adding some common sense and communication to the system... everyone is so possessive of their individual (and divided) domains as if they don't trust anyone else to have any access which makes for much duplication of work and wastes much time and leaves room for many more errors than necessary... I am not sure if it because they do not feel secure in their own domains (there is a sad lack of organization and efficiency in many of the divided areas of the hospital) or if it's some overzealous protection of patient privacy (but protecting what from whom?... protecting the patient information other people need to do their jobs most effectively?... because?... paranoid?... lack of trust in each other's ability or professionalism?... in the end, I think it's a lack of security in their the organization of their own domains and fear of losing their place or losing information because they are not organized enough...
jeesh, when did I become such a critic...
I did discuss some of the ideas I pondered the last week on the units with the Performance Improvement person who has regular formal meetings with the top dog administrator and most importantly, is responsible for coordinating compliance with the new company's policies... she came into my office asking for my input on some forms and systems she is responsible for and she appeared impressed with my knowledge and ideas and was very complimentary... yay for that and hopefully something good will come of it...
the trick is to nudge people to open their doors, minds, and very protected domains and learn to trust each other (with amicable guidelines, coordinated direction, and more overall organization) to share more so we can reduce the redundancy in our jobs and therein increase efficiency and improve the product... management 101...
nothing new, just the stuff successful businesses know and practice... and that's what happened today... another day in RealTime without falling in love with anyone anywhere outside of my mind, but still productive and satisfying in it's own way... hope yours was too...
nite nite J
but no dessert...
I suppose some of the will power lingered around a bit to make sure I don't completely defeat the will power of the rest of the week... after all, there was some sort of weight loss goal written down here or somewhere some time ago and I might actually remember what it was and hold myself accountable one of these days...
I'll be back...
and so I am... back, that is... I decided it was time to clean out the temporary internet files folder and see if that might stop the background noises that the hard drive makes now and then as if there are processes going on behind the scenes... maybe it's certain websites that auto-save, like this one./.. or maybe some computer genius is hacking into my 300mhz monster and using some of the massive 32Mb of RAM without my knowledge... or maybe the hard drive is heading for failure... or maybe it's something else, but it can be distracting and that can be annoying so I tried to stop it by clearing the cache...
it didn't work... the hard drive is still doing this weird thing of lighting up and making noise every few seconds as if it's doing something and yet all I've got open and all I know the computer is doing is letting my type in this box and the hard drive doesn't stop doing it when I stop typing...
so I try to ignore it... and while this entry began a while ago and I took a break to try to help the computer stop gurgling (well that's what it sounds like), I found Drop Dead Fred on the TV without commercials and since I adore the silliness and endearing qualities of the film (not to mention Phoebe Cates), I left the TV on after Rasputin wnt to bed and after the games and the amazing disappearing girl, Precious, just reappeared into our lives after being incommunicato and whereabouts unknown for the entire evening and night...
I wish she'd see how disrespectful she is to her dad (and me), especially since her best friend has to call her parents every time she changes location, even when she's with Raspy and me or another adult type person, not to mention having to ask permission to go out places and stay out late into the evening or night... she takes advantage of the Raspy's permissiveness and acts entitled and gets rude if it's pointed out... she's still blown off cleaning her room and doing dishes or any other cleaning around the house knowing she's promised her dad she'd do it and pitch in the keep the place decent dozens of times over the past couple of years...
sometmes I ask how did she ever get so spoiled and lazy and disrespectful... maybe she's subconsciously paying her dad back for not being there for a number of years when her mom moved her away and kept her on the tightest leash imaginabl;e to the point where she was not allowed any extra curricular activities and was stuck in the house every day of the week... hopefully she'll realize just how childishly selfish and disrespectful she was during these years because that'll mean she's finally taking some responsibility and actualizng caring about those who care for her...
maybe she'll notice I'm not dropping everything to listen to the story of her day and realize she might consider others now and then... or maybe she'll just feel put off and justify blowing it and her dad and me off like she usually does...
anyway, the pizza was the first thing cooked in the new oven (to return to my self-centered report on me and this life I loosely call mine and all the mundane details that make it up... after all, that is what you come here for, all two point six of you... and the occasional passer-by... and maybe a few silent readers too...
Raspy talked me into signing up for a fantasy basketball draft... it's scheduled for SUnday... I have minimal interest in fantasy sports these days, but I'll enjoy the draft and then let the season take care of itself... we did set our fantasy football teams... I am somehow in first place in two of the three leagues I am in (the two Raspy is in)... in the peck 'em leagues I'm not doing so well... it takes too much time to do the research... but still, it's fun...
today at work I took another step toward adding some common sense and communication to the system... everyone is so possessive of their individual (and divided) domains as if they don't trust anyone else to have any access which makes for much duplication of work and wastes much time and leaves room for many more errors than necessary... I am not sure if it because they do not feel secure in their own domains (there is a sad lack of organization and efficiency in many of the divided areas of the hospital) or if it's some overzealous protection of patient privacy (but protecting what from whom?... protecting the patient information other people need to do their jobs most effectively?... because?... paranoid?... lack of trust in each other's ability or professionalism?... in the end, I think it's a lack of security in their the organization of their own domains and fear of losing their place or losing information because they are not organized enough...
jeesh, when did I become such a critic...
I did discuss some of the ideas I pondered the last week on the units with the Performance Improvement person who has regular formal meetings with the top dog administrator and most importantly, is responsible for coordinating compliance with the new company's policies... she came into my office asking for my input on some forms and systems she is responsible for and she appeared impressed with my knowledge and ideas and was very complimentary... yay for that and hopefully something good will come of it...
the trick is to nudge people to open their doors, minds, and very protected domains and learn to trust each other (with amicable guidelines, coordinated direction, and more overall organization) to share more so we can reduce the redundancy in our jobs and therein increase efficiency and improve the product... management 101...
nothing new, just the stuff successful businesses know and practice... and that's what happened today... another day in RealTime without falling in love with anyone anywhere outside of my mind, but still productive and satisfying in it's own way... hope yours was too...
nite nite J
Labels: fantasy sports, life, work
posted by candoor at 11:56 PM
5 Comments:
Okay, I'm stuffed just reading this post. Congratulations on being legal and everything...I guess you kept your eyes open...a very good thing.
Happy, happy weekend of legal driving, and relaxing and enjoying some good music, and the goodness of everything.
Love, hugs and smiles always.
the post kinda grew as the carbs and caffiene bounced around my head :)
And your post grew yet again, and so I'm back to read again (cuz I think I'm one of the 2.6 people) and between the chili cheese fries and chili burger I abused myself with at lunch, and all the pizza here, I don't think I need to eat for a week. And I should feel guilty, but what for? Guilt is so wasted on such things when it can be utilized for far greater endeavors.
So the weekend started late yesterday afternoon with a beautiful harvest moon which inspired me to finally go free with watercolor and not be so controlled and perfectionistic. Yay for wild free abandon!
I'm sorry your hard drive has a tummy ache. Maybe it has had the equivalent of too much pizza and it's feeling kinda sluggish.
I am so glad to hear that something of movement and positivism is taking place at your work. I think you will continue to be a force for change in the right direction even though you aren't in the direct patient care now. You have so much to offer, to give, and to contribute....keep contributing...we all need you.
I hope your Saturday is treating you sweetly and that your dreams and thoughts are all filled with Love and hope and flowers and moons and rainbows.
Love and Hugs in plentiful supply :)
Yay!
I never understood guilt... people seem to use it against themselves and against each other as if it's some secretly accepted powerful force, kind of like the other illusions based on blind faith and illogical emotional collective agreements... I think most people confuse guilt with remorse...
one more opiate for the masses...
except in the case of the commonly accepted misconception of guilt it was used much more on the individual and family levels to control others in relationships and control children than on a collective cultural level...
anyway, I'm innocent cuz I never meant any harm and have no reason to feel guilt... even when I am guilty of making a mistake, I feel remorse or regret over mistakes sometimes because I'm not perfect and make mistakes, but whenever possible and permitted I correct my mistakes and leave the situation better than I entered it...
the computer is a bit better in some ways, and a bit more sluggish in others... we are surviving...
Saturday was excellent, restful and vegetative physically with bouts of extreme excitement and mild euphoria... and ethereally it was outstanding with semi-catharsis and musical epiphanies...
three new entries at candora, the most recent not quite complete and probably should be a three or four or more parter, easily, but it was a step in the right direction (where the emotions almost woke up... whatever will I do then?... ah, there'll always be time for a little sleepwriting, even when I am as fully awake as possible)... and third variation on the theme of the entry here and the second variation a myspace)...
and closer to the release of I can do whatever I want like you as nineteen stars played on repeat for several hours...
I saw the beautiful moon on the TV at a couple of the football games... the image of the moon through a mega-telephoto lens almost makes the actual natural eye-contact with the moon an anti-climate from a purely visual standpoint, but the night air, the stars, the night sounds, and the rest of the night ambiance can not be compared with even the most magnifiscent two dimensional images...
and it's the weekend, work is elsewhere :)
have I told you how much I appreciate your being here and reading and responding lately?... most importantly, your supportive positivity is manna in the wilderness, water after near a death experience in the dessert, chocolate mousse after a year long diet... all metaphors aside, you are a blessing to me... thank you for being you and for being here and for doing what you do... yay for you and I hope your weekend is as beautiful as you :)
Thank you for those words, very much needed in this moment, and I too appreciate you more than you know.
I have been rather a master of guilt, and I think your thoughts on the matter are so much where I would hope to be, and hope to get to and actually dream of that day. It's interesting because I've never used guilt against someone else and so I have to wonder why it is I feel it so easy to use against myself. Always thoughts to explore.
I will try and click over to candora to view those beautiful words you express there, though I do have to admit that in the few times I've done that I have had to close the window....
The moon was spectacular in my viewing of it, the "experience" of it was so emotional this time, not solely because of its appearance so brilliant and bright, but taken in totality, the "feel" of the night, the few whispers of clouds, the magic and electricity in the air. It was stunning. Unfortunately, the only thing to spoil it was the artificial lighting of street lights and buildings that is inescapable in my part of the world.
The full moon brought with it many with needs to my door and my phone and my e-mail. Strange weekend in many ways. So much pain in the world, so much comfort needed.
And so my choice is to focus on the Light that I truly see in all, because for me hope does spring eternal. I know the power of pure Love, Love that flames in glorious intensity in the human heart when it is our choice. I know it because it is the one and only thing I do know for sure.
Love (and everything it means to me) is...everything.
Peace, joy, Love and all that makes you happy be yours eternally.
Bless You, Yay You!
And now, I must find some chocolate mousse :)
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