interested or not
I am still out here, even when I am not finding what I am looking for, even when I see things I don't want to see, even when I am not feeling as possitive as I want to be... cuz when I walk away, I won't be here anymore... and, at least for me, being not here is not as much fun as being here...
life, not blogging, is what that thought is about...
today is Harry Chapin's birthday...
and tomorrow at this moment it will be exactly twenty-six years that I was driving home from work and I took a detour because the man on the radio said John Lennon was shot... and I still listen to the radio...
but I seldom watch the news...
today, sixty-five years ago was a day that will live in infamy... sixty-five is also the accepted retirement age in our culture... maybe it is time to retire the memories of glory and, instead, be more honest about our feelings of loss and pain and suffering... there is nothing glorious about a battlefield covered in human blood, most from bodies not yet alive twenty six years... nothing to feel good about... nothing to be proud of...
no more than the three year old feels some odd joy in having broken his favorite toy, giving a momentary rush of some sense of control and power, only to cry afterward... but the three year old does not understand the mixed emotions of his destructive ways...
do we understand ours?...
meanwhile, in the RealTime™... my office is starting to smell like fish... I got another fish award at work today from another of the directors... feels good...
I napped when I got home... feels good...
I feel lonely... and that feels good too because I know is is the best sign that I am not giving up on sharing life... lonely is a feeling like disappointment, a feeling dependant upon wanting, an unfulfilled desire and an unsatisfied expectation... for me, wanting is better than apathy... but deeper still, it is a feeling based on hope... hope that sharing will happen again... and faith in the belief that I am worth knowing, trusting, and sharing a life with...
even if I end some sentences with a preposition or what not from time to time...
good night John, wherever you are, even if you are just a memory in my mind...
good night Harry, wherever you are, even if you are just a feeling in my heart...
and good night all of you, interested or not, even if you are not here...
and make love, not war.
life, not blogging, is what that thought is about...
today is Harry Chapin's birthday...
and tomorrow at this moment it will be exactly twenty-six years that I was driving home from work and I took a detour because the man on the radio said John Lennon was shot... and I still listen to the radio...
but I seldom watch the news...
today, sixty-five years ago was a day that will live in infamy... sixty-five is also the accepted retirement age in our culture... maybe it is time to retire the memories of glory and, instead, be more honest about our feelings of loss and pain and suffering... there is nothing glorious about a battlefield covered in human blood, most from bodies not yet alive twenty six years... nothing to feel good about... nothing to be proud of...
no more than the three year old feels some odd joy in having broken his favorite toy, giving a momentary rush of some sense of control and power, only to cry afterward... but the three year old does not understand the mixed emotions of his destructive ways...
do we understand ours?...
meanwhile, in the RealTime™... my office is starting to smell like fish... I got another fish award at work today from another of the directors... feels good...
I napped when I got home... feels good...
I feel lonely... and that feels good too because I know is is the best sign that I am not giving up on sharing life... lonely is a feeling like disappointment, a feeling dependant upon wanting, an unfulfilled desire and an unsatisfied expectation... for me, wanting is better than apathy... but deeper still, it is a feeling based on hope... hope that sharing will happen again... and faith in the belief that I am worth knowing, trusting, and sharing a life with...
even if I end some sentences with a preposition or what not from time to time...
good night John, wherever you are, even if you are just a memory in my mind...
good night Harry, wherever you are, even if you are just a feeling in my heart...
and good night all of you, interested or not, even if you are not here...
and make love, not war.
Labels: choices, dreams, holidays, home, life, loneliness, love, memories, mtmm, music, peace, real, rest, sleepy
posted by candoor at 10:31 PM
5 Comments:
happy birthday to you and your 3o,ooo pounds of banana:z!
please don't insult my infinite memory banks in pretending you weren't harry chapin back when he first heard your music before ears and sounds that depeneded on wave propagation through atmospheres and stuff.
yeah, happy day & countless birthdays be dammed! i'm dead in a cab and still no cutie.
send me a shirt.
a child arrived just the other day
he came to the world in the usual way...
you are much appreciated for your wit and wisdom and unique outlook on life and the universe and everything...
yeah, I keep hoping the cutie will show up, silly me...
when I find a shirt that suits you, I shall send it... of course I'll need a box to send it in and a box to send it to... you'll have to provide the latter, but it can wait until I find the right one :)
Interesting that I didn't even know any of this about the date, and painted peace and posted peace last night on my blog. z0tl of course would tease me about my assignment of meaning to such things, but that is part of being a z0tl. So may we all take moments like these to see the meaning in them, to grab hold of them, to honor those who have fallen in the name of peace, and to know that there is another way because the human heart can manifest Love when it so chooses. We have given war and hatred and violence plenty of chances. How's that working for us?
Love, hugs, and smiles and Peace be with you, and with us, always.
Make love not war
and if
you can't be with the one you love
love the one you are with
if you can't be with the one you love, and you are with no one you can love - then rake a walk and say
to the first babe you meet any day
"yes, you do look gorgeous today"
perhaps this is a cynical view, but I doubt that peace was rarely, if ever, the core motivation of any leader who declered war...
though those who believe in heaven might justify killing a man as a way of bring him peace, I do not believe killing a man does anything to save him...
I believe those who truly know and want peace will not wage war...
but many who want to own things and control others will disagree and rationalize their fears until war seems to make sense and even becomes a glorious endeavor...
I walk in the opposite direction...
and when I find someone who walks in the same direction I walk not just in mind and spirit, but in physical life, I will tell her she's gorgeous and walk beside her...
anything else would be a lie...
oh so heavy, and oh so lonely, but oh so much peace in knowing this is the way for me...
ta-da
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