empty time

wondering what the difference between empty time and full time might be and whether it is, like the glass of water, all a matter of perspective... still, I find myself sleeping irregularly and wake to find myself only semi-rested mentally and that is not as pleasing or wonder-filled as the waking experience I usually find in this life... and it's happening more and more of late... could be the broken bed plays a role... and a sense of loneliness... and a sense of unsettled discomfort in the space/time continnum (or something like that)...

when feeling unloved, is it because nobody outside loves or because nobody outside loves me as I wish to be loved (am I exposing love to my preconceived notions and prejudice?) or because I do not love myself enough...

the answer is obvious, but silent...

another day begins sleepy, then work, then home to eat more than the body needs, pizza tonight, then nod off in the big green chair, then wake and come to the computer and wander a bit, read, comment, and then here...

details?... good news at work as a new system and procedure for reporting discharge information was accepted and approved and will start Tuesday when I explain it at a meeting of the minds who will hopefully follow through and carry out the process... several systems in the hospital are broken, the discharge process is one of the most severely broken, so it's the first major project I am tackling outside of my actual job responsibilities...

and as I work on other projects, the monthly reports are creeping up to their deadlines without much concern as time management seems to be falling into place rather subconsciously, which is a good sign that I have some sort of handle on the job...

at home, TV, food, sleep... we know what is missing and that may be part of the source of the reslessness, but what's the use of chatting myself up about it yet again... better to let it be and hope for better results when I next wake up...

a wave of melancholy comes from memory on this date as I wish I could wish a happy birthday wish to someone who was born on this date, but even with the best of intentions, some connections break down and as Bob would say, remain temporarily disconnected... so I wish this wish I wish for your wish to come true comes true tonight... Happy Birthday Sandy, wherever you are :)

at least I have my web wanderings (thank you Z, Q, and the other Z for new reading... and I didn't even get to myspace tonight) that keeps my mind occupied and mostly amused... that way I can continue to hang on to the illusion that I have not actually really completely given up just yet :)

and as long as I remain amused, hope lives...

may you find your way too :)