oh no, not the bloat again!
yes, it is... I ate a large lunch of chicken strips and sala and could have skipped or eaten a very light dinner and been just fine, but somehow found myself paying for and eating a lot of pizza when I found Rasputin awake and hungry when I got home (and I forgot my salad at work)... add to that the fact that I have not been to the gym in a week (though two nights at concerts were as much of a workout as I get at the gym) and oh well, I might not meet the weight goal I plugged into the fitness program for the 19th... heck, I haven't even opened the fitness program in a week...
so is the chain of days tracking food and exercise and fitness broken?... very possibly... what that means will be seen in the next week or few... if I get back to the gym and continue, it means nothing more than the data is no longer complete... but the record is meaningless, the results are what matter, so it's exciting for me to see whether I shall slide backwards or continue improving the physical conditions in this life...
meanwhile, I have a 6 centimeter cyst on my left kidney...
special, huh?... maybe that's why I caved in for the pizza tonight... self-pity works in mysterious ways... even while I'm amused and feeling good... anyway, the Urologist says more than 50% of men get this sort of cyst on kidneys and it's meaningless, means nothing, does not effect kidney function, doesn't hurt, and is nothing to fret over... why it's taken so long to get someone to notice such a big thing is a sign that my main doctor is not listening to me (because my concern since day one has been are my kidneys ok? and it took me insisting on kidney tests and going to a third doctor to find out there's this benign anamoly)... I also most likely have a rather large kidney stone... it's the kind that does not show up will on an xray and I'd be getting a cat scan, except cat scans can inhibit kidney function and the creatine levels contraindicate a cat scan at the moment (even though they may have been caused by diet and exercise and not diminished kidney function)...
so I'm still following up with the nephrologist (kidney specialist) in early June and I've got to make a new appointment for an ultrasound and life goes on and this entry might just be what I needed to get me to the gym tonight...
definitely starting to feel the first signs of lethargy for the first time in many weeks (and this sort of self-focused writing, as usual, clarifies my senses and perspective)... the lonelies are powerful as I emerge from the floaty spacing out of the past week (but living the life is so much fun... these are the moments that glow and only I know... if only they were shared, aye? :}
this blog recently passed the one year mark...
and the wonder of it all is still the fact that I love it and enjoy every moment, even when I forget I am enjoying it, even when I forget who I am, even when I forget that life is what happens while we're busy making other plans :)
so I'll check out American Idol and then head to the gym and hope you find your way through your puddles and mine fields and bumps and bruises and ups and downs and floaty spacey times to come out smiling and amused by every moment, even the ones you don't exactly remember...
nite nite :)
so is the chain of days tracking food and exercise and fitness broken?... very possibly... what that means will be seen in the next week or few... if I get back to the gym and continue, it means nothing more than the data is no longer complete... but the record is meaningless, the results are what matter, so it's exciting for me to see whether I shall slide backwards or continue improving the physical conditions in this life...
meanwhile, I have a 6 centimeter cyst on my left kidney...
special, huh?... maybe that's why I caved in for the pizza tonight... self-pity works in mysterious ways... even while I'm amused and feeling good... anyway, the Urologist says more than 50% of men get this sort of cyst on kidneys and it's meaningless, means nothing, does not effect kidney function, doesn't hurt, and is nothing to fret over... why it's taken so long to get someone to notice such a big thing is a sign that my main doctor is not listening to me (because my concern since day one has been are my kidneys ok? and it took me insisting on kidney tests and going to a third doctor to find out there's this benign anamoly)... I also most likely have a rather large kidney stone... it's the kind that does not show up will on an xray and I'd be getting a cat scan, except cat scans can inhibit kidney function and the creatine levels contraindicate a cat scan at the moment (even though they may have been caused by diet and exercise and not diminished kidney function)...
so I'm still following up with the nephrologist (kidney specialist) in early June and I've got to make a new appointment for an ultrasound and life goes on and this entry might just be what I needed to get me to the gym tonight...
definitely starting to feel the first signs of lethargy for the first time in many weeks (and this sort of self-focused writing, as usual, clarifies my senses and perspective)... the lonelies are powerful as I emerge from the floaty spacing out of the past week (but living the life is so much fun... these are the moments that glow and only I know... if only they were shared, aye? :}
this blog recently passed the one year mark...
and the wonder of it all is still the fact that I love it and enjoy every moment, even when I forget I am enjoying it, even when I forget who I am, even when I forget that life is what happens while we're busy making other plans :)
so I'll check out American Idol and then head to the gym and hope you find your way through your puddles and mine fields and bumps and bruises and ups and downs and floaty spacey times to come out smiling and amused by every moment, even the ones you don't exactly remember...
nite nite :)
Labels: bloat, changes, choices, doh, duh, excess, fog, food, gym, hope, kidneys, lazy, loneliness, missing, mostly dead, mtmm, myspace, pizza, sniffles, weight
posted by candoor at 9:17 PM
2 Comments:
I have no idea what universe your blog disappeared into in my computer, but I have been visiting here every day since your "same" post and have been finding no new posts. I wander on over here this evening to find all these posts to catch up on. No refresh or anything, just all these new posts. And here I was thinking your kidneys finally did you in, and went over to MySpace to find you still among the living and left a message there with a temporary account I then closed down in case I get any sort of idea of actually starting a blog over there, which I do NOT need to be doing. You now become the third or fourth (I can't remember now) person that I know to have one of these benign kidney cysts, and they always seem to be rather large. My liver has a rather large hemangioma on it, another cyst I understand is harmless unless you are unfortunate enough to get in a car accident and have it rupture, in which case size (of the cyst anyway) DOES matter. And now I find myself babbling because I am still soooo confused as to how there could have been no new posts up til today in my universe. So I'm happy to see you haven't been gone, and it's only been some sort of glitch in the continuum.
I am giggling and skipping and yaying now :)
Resume the love :) :) :)
first off, if you close a myspace account the messages you left are deleted (boo :}
next, entries for Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday were all uploaded early Monday morning...
we resumed our normal daily RealTime broadcasting schedule on Tuesday night :)
so I sort of have been gone as in I have not been keeping the same daily routine of diet, exercise, and computer time that I was keeping up pretty consistently since March 1 or so... thank you for missing me :)
as for the cyst, yeah, I wonder about it bursting, being so big and all... and I wonder about it simply putting undue pressure on organs, being so big and all... and I wonder about how big it'll get if it keeps growing... but the surgery to remove it is statistically much more dangerous than simply ignoring it, so I'll learn to live with the knowledge it's in there just as I've lived with the ignorance of it's existence for however long it's been in there... and I'll keep in touch with the Urologist and Nephrologist and such for as long as I have health insurance (dangit, another major $ factor now in any consideration of major relocation or job changing)...
thank you for babbling :)
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