insecure idiots
that covers just about everybody at one time or another... as I just observed for the gazumpteenth time, I forgot (for the gazumpteenth time) that forgetting sends me on an emotional roller coaster as forgetting allows confidence to wane and doubt to grow and insecurity to gain power... so I go to the gym tonight and remember, 10 miles on the eliptical thing at just under 8 minutes per mile and all the concerns vented yesterday are gone again (mostly, I mean, perfect and immortal I am not, esecially since the whole point of this blog is to learn to be human and come to think of it, this roller coaster of forgetting and remembering means I'm probably succeeding at that rather insane goal)...
so tonight I am a bit fatigued, physically, since I've been mostly awake for more than 24 hours, ate nothing but salad with some fat free turkey on it today, and just kicked out a decent workout at the gym... but ethereally I am bouncing, mostly, with a little kick in the head for all the forgetting... maybe I don't really want to be human after all...
RealTime™, aye?...
ok, I'll stop laughing now and catch up a bit... not much to say, or is there... home was a brief nap, a salad, the NBA Finals, the gym, a shower, and then here... not much to say there... work was mostly helping others do their job... the training I was supposed to go to lasted all of 20 minutes and the rest of the time I helped others... tomorrow I hope to get back to my work... but the big news is they fired the admissions coordinator, one of the good guys in the place, under mysterious circumstances (though they claim he lied and violated policy) and suspiciously, had already have a new one set to start Monday who was interviwed today... just when I thought the politics and power trips might be over, or at least subsiding, it looks like it might be a new wave...
meanwhile, I am being drawn in to do more, given more access to systems and responsibilities, which is good for me because the information I can access lets me do my job faster, but we'll see how much more work they try to send my way over the next few weeks or months... at least the changes keep work interesting...
the visit to the Nephrologist was with mixed results... the Ultrasound was not ready, so he didn't get to see it... he ordered an MRI, which will be done next week and then I go back to him in July... in spite of him being a DO (as opposed to an MD), he's opposed to herbal suppliments on the grounds that their purity can not be guaranteed and can do more damage than good, especially to the kidney and liver, the organs that are supposed to clean out impurities... makes sense, but I was hoping the Milk Thistle and other herbs were helping... could be they are what is causing the kidney labs to be a bit high... don't know if they contribute to cysts, and so far, he has no proof of cysts... so we wait for July...
on the positive side, he confirmed that the renal failure diagnosis, based mostly on the high uric acid, could very well be due to my vigorous exercising and change of diet... and also, finally, a doctor points the Diovan HTC... he insisted that HTC is totally wrong for anyone with abnormal kidney labs and so I am on a new med... a new med that costs $8 for three months, instead of $90... and he things the new med is better than Diovan cuz it is a purer generic version of the same chemical... of course trusting him based oin saving me money is not wise, but I've been suspecting the medication all along and it's good to find the kidney specialist pointed right to it and changed it...
and that's the report of life as I knew it for today... I almost picked up a sub for lunch since I was running around and missed lunch at work, but I passed and stopped for salad fixing for dinner and that's a good sign that I might step back on the stricter weight loss diet for June... since I am the exact same weight I was on May first, in spite of all the fluxuations, it is time to continue this process of getting this body back down to a healthy weight... and then I might stop all this boring stuff and start focusing on a more interactive life (if only I stop forgetting that I don't have to be an insecure idiot, even if it does mean I don't quite fit in with all the other humans farting on their couches zoning in front of the TV... yeah, Raspy just woke up... I'll be with the few laughing all the time)...
and now, to myspace briefly and then, sleep... hope your day and night are smiling for you :)
so tonight I am a bit fatigued, physically, since I've been mostly awake for more than 24 hours, ate nothing but salad with some fat free turkey on it today, and just kicked out a decent workout at the gym... but ethereally I am bouncing, mostly, with a little kick in the head for all the forgetting... maybe I don't really want to be human after all...
RealTime™, aye?...
ok, I'll stop laughing now and catch up a bit... not much to say, or is there... home was a brief nap, a salad, the NBA Finals, the gym, a shower, and then here... not much to say there... work was mostly helping others do their job... the training I was supposed to go to lasted all of 20 minutes and the rest of the time I helped others... tomorrow I hope to get back to my work... but the big news is they fired the admissions coordinator, one of the good guys in the place, under mysterious circumstances (though they claim he lied and violated policy) and suspiciously, had already have a new one set to start Monday who was interviwed today... just when I thought the politics and power trips might be over, or at least subsiding, it looks like it might be a new wave...
meanwhile, I am being drawn in to do more, given more access to systems and responsibilities, which is good for me because the information I can access lets me do my job faster, but we'll see how much more work they try to send my way over the next few weeks or months... at least the changes keep work interesting...
the visit to the Nephrologist was with mixed results... the Ultrasound was not ready, so he didn't get to see it... he ordered an MRI, which will be done next week and then I go back to him in July... in spite of him being a DO (as opposed to an MD), he's opposed to herbal suppliments on the grounds that their purity can not be guaranteed and can do more damage than good, especially to the kidney and liver, the organs that are supposed to clean out impurities... makes sense, but I was hoping the Milk Thistle and other herbs were helping... could be they are what is causing the kidney labs to be a bit high... don't know if they contribute to cysts, and so far, he has no proof of cysts... so we wait for July...
on the positive side, he confirmed that the renal failure diagnosis, based mostly on the high uric acid, could very well be due to my vigorous exercising and change of diet... and also, finally, a doctor points the Diovan HTC... he insisted that HTC is totally wrong for anyone with abnormal kidney labs and so I am on a new med... a new med that costs $8 for three months, instead of $90... and he things the new med is better than Diovan cuz it is a purer generic version of the same chemical... of course trusting him based oin saving me money is not wise, but I've been suspecting the medication all along and it's good to find the kidney specialist pointed right to it and changed it...
and that's the report of life as I knew it for today... I almost picked up a sub for lunch since I was running around and missed lunch at work, but I passed and stopped for salad fixing for dinner and that's a good sign that I might step back on the stricter weight loss diet for June... since I am the exact same weight I was on May first, in spite of all the fluxuations, it is time to continue this process of getting this body back down to a healthy weight... and then I might stop all this boring stuff and start focusing on a more interactive life (if only I stop forgetting that I don't have to be an insecure idiot, even if it does mean I don't quite fit in with all the other humans farting on their couches zoning in front of the TV... yeah, Raspy just woke up... I'll be with the few laughing all the time)...
and now, to myspace briefly and then, sleep... hope your day and night are smiling for you :)
Labels: bills, body, choices, corporate bull, doctors, doh, duh, food, giggle, gym, health, hope, kidneys, labs, lam, sigh, sleepy, weight, work
posted by candoor at 11:59 PM
4 Comments:
lol Candoor,
we may ALL be insecure idiots of sorts, but the difference is between those 'insecurities' in our personal life - which only affect us - and the insecurities by some in charge at the work place
I always think, that the best thing about being in 'charge' is meant to be the ability to say:
"I don't know, but I know a Man who Can - can open that door - Candoor"
all this bullshit about impurities in what we eat and herb:z & shit, chuckEcheese prolly kills you way faster than eating brownies (and here i refer to the ones made with chronic powder). still missin teh GRASS?-]
the grass probably set my kidneys up like the alchohol set my liver up, but hey, we're all gonna die sometime...
we are poison, the human species is an infestation on this rock at the edge of a galaxy... we have not evolved enough awareness to understand the cosmos and balance, so we remain oblivious to our own self-destruction...
heavy, dude...
someday we may develop kidneys and livers that can process the poisons, heavy metals, radiated particules, cosmic rays, and all the quarks randomly breaking what we call the laws of physics, but I don't think my kidneys and liver have gotten quite that far along just yet...
still, it turns me on to ponder the difference and the possibilities, to feel the dying process is to know the living experience...
learning to be human...
ja :)
it will be interesting to watch you disintegrate this vehicle/body, but somehow i think i'll end up abruptly dead way ahead of witnessing that & living vicariously thru it in your blog.
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