yesterday, when I wasn't here

maybe I just have little to say... or maybe I am wondering if it matters if I say anything... or maybe I am tired of reaching out, of initiating, of searching, of sending out the messages in bottles and smiles and waves and so on... maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself and seeing the silence is a whole lot more than half full... infinite silence, a few small sounds in the distance, and nothing right here right now making any effort to get my attention, to care, to want me or anything...

or it could be all the pizza...

yes, three straight days of pigging out on pizza (with two straight days of chocolate binging thrown in) and almost forgetting what the gym looks like is the most likely cause of the lethergy of brain and listlessness of spirit and all that bluesy jazz...

good thing I found my way back to the gym tomorrow night (ah, the relativity of time and filling in entries after being away for two days, aye?)...

feeling poorly, I am, from the bloat and excessive sugar and fat and carbs and lack of exercise.. easy to feel physically depressed when suddenly shifting gears in the body and altering the chemical flow so dramatically... fatigue comes too easy from sitting around doing nothing... and the blues, the loneliness, the apathy rises as the energy level drops and hope nods off, drugged by the food and lack of exercise hormones...

so get back on the horse, the wise voice in my head says... and I grumble as I grin cuz it's the only voice consistently around in the RealTime world, but at least it is consistently around (even when I ignore it for extended periods)...

may you find your voice too (and listen :)

in the meantime, here's a comment I left inspired by Deepok Chakra (named changed not to protect the innocent, but cuz I am not remembering how to spell it at the moment and this suits me just fine), V for Vendetta, Ligion, pizza, chocolate, and the general environment and influences around me... just cuz don't want only one of you to see it :)

I am the boredom of repeating the obvious...

I usually avoid Deepok because I do not want to seem disrespectful and I tend to find him boring and redundant... I mean, if you say you are everything and everything is everything and all is one and truly believe that, then what's the point of saying you are this and that and a hundred other things as if you think we didn't understand that you are everything and everything is everything and all is one?... seems condescending, or at least wastefully redundant...

my advice to Deepok: enjoy everything and stop talking about it :)

ah, of course, if I was paid to be that repetitive, I'd be just as boring cuz, after all, one's gotta pay the bills and what better way to pay the bills than to say the same thing over and over, on tape no less (smartass strikes again)...

I much prefer the Floyd :)

and Natalie Portman and Ligion (a band), that's where I've been this weekend... delicious fantasies and new music and happy as a clam in my shell of a brain... and pizza and chocolate...

I'm going back to listen to the wind now :)

and Happy Birthday Tom, wherever you are...

nite nite :)