my life has been a tapestry...
I suppose it's too late to order something, but i really must finally bring my two big boxes of decorations into work for it seems nobody else is into decorating the place for Halloween for the kids… our CNO and i were the only ones into the kids stuff and she moved on to a better job, so it seems left to me… but i haven't had time in the past two weeks, so i must make time Monday…
today was a vegetative day as i slept most of it while roommates watched TV… i woke a little while ago, actually, around 10pm, (it's new sunrise now) and instead of crawling into bed (which is broken again, by the way, and hasn't seen me in it since before i went to Oklahoma), i started wandering the net and have all sorts of comments to fill entries and stroke ego for this week, so you've been warned… and won't this be a topsy-turvy day…
not that anyone really cares (especially not in intimate {the closest most meaningful, with or without sexuality} time and space) or even believes me (heck, even my most devoted and closest almost-spouse z doubts my irreverence and perhaps my veracity… oh, the shame of it all, poor woe-is-me wah wah… what does it all mean, is there any point in going on?), but i forge (or am i plodding?... not that i'm interested in a call from the judges, so i'll just continue) on (through the wind and rain and tears and years and aspersions tossed on my eagerly awaiting grave and vast monuments and memorials in memorandums and all), carry on, babble on…
babble on… that was one of the first names i used as a title for my ramblings… the first collection, which included everything i found from my first childhood in this life (cuz you know almost all of my first childhood creations and possessions were thrown in the trash by the person who adopted me and called herself my mother, but others might not know, so i mention it to lay on the woe, or is that woah?... we'll have to listen to Say Anything again and ruminate… November 6th will be the eight time {i think, but i'm not actually counting} i see Say Anything, making it the most seen live band since the heavy concert days of the teen years… yo, can you dig it), was called Scattered Pages (yes, i decided, just now i think, that i will still use capital letters now and then, if only as a last ditch effort to legitimatize my writings {or maybe just to masturbate my ego, since it's rare anybody does} as if there's something actually worth remembering and publishing amidst the piles of multi-millions of words)… it was not a bound collection of writings, but rather it was actually a folder of scattered pages, so my creativity in nomenclature might have started out a bit slow, aye?... the second collection, which may or may not have been a bound volume cuz i don't recall at the moment, was called… ummm… i don't recall at the moment…
i think we can learn a lot from roots and beginnings and i would love you (or anyone in fact) to truly know me, so i was happy to find that the internet archives still held on to my original web offerings (though the IA {yeah, me and the internet archive are getting closer} seems to pull up pages inconsistently, that is, sometimes the links work and sometimes the links do not work even when they just worked and showed that the page is actually there) and sometimes it is with background and graphics and sometimes it is not… i wonder if it pulls up a page just one time and then it's gone forever (oh, i hope not, cuz i haven't saved every page yet)… sometimes, it seems, you have to return to the original link as the "next" links do not always work…
but back to me (being roundly egocentric and selfish and all), i mean, just in case anybody really wants to know me better through exploring my personal internet beginnings (which were extremely full of and weeping (even deeper than The Waterboys and more self-indulgent misery than Gavin Friday, if you must know… i mean, you must know if you care and want to be closer, but face the facts, not everybody visiting here does, ya know?), i believe the first page i put out here was A Brief Introduction to Anonanonanon and the first personal journal-type page was Keep In Touch (or my KIT pages), though the first actual page i ever put on the web may have been the original of Home, Home on the Web which is still missing, though the one linked is an updated one with similar flavor…
the Brief Intro was, i believe, my first attempt to put an intro/bio type page up on the web back in 1997 when i first stepped out for more than a fleeting glance at this web world… i spent most of my time at a Yahoo chat room called The Asylum™ (yes, with the trademark… I didn't name the room, but i was a regular fixture in it for many months or longer and was known as Anonanonanon, a 4 year old asexual toon {cartoon character} persona created in response to the constant "a/s/l?" requests that seemed to dominate the chat/IM world in the early days and maybe still does) and when people started asking for more info about me, rather than repeat myself in the chat room, i decided i'd put up a web page)… it was about the same time i started the Home on the web page cuz the Brief intro page was pre-formatted and i wanted to learn html and links stuff and so started the web weaving that some might suggest has gotten way out of control, or at least impossible to completely follow, but then, i love mazes and impossible dreams, as you may already kinda have noticed… and the KIT pages were started when i stopped having a permanent residence and wanted to keep in touch with the web folk and others (who i still hope might find me out here on the web) with whom i want to keep in touch…
yeah, so maybe i wrote all this before and redundancy is my middle name, but now it comes with links to the (almost) original pages, so this revision offers more depths and potential for intimacy, perhaps… there's always hope, ya know?... well, there's always hope that you know, for me, anyway… and i could swear that there was a "but" coming when i started out to tell you something way back when i started out with not that anyone cares but i have no idea what the butt of that but might be, so i am just gonna laugh at myself anyway (cuz i do feel certain i would have if i followed through with whatever i might have been leading up to) and hope you enjoy the confusion as much as i do… maybe i was just thinking about the origins of my web world and my writings in general or life and love and so on and so forth and Scooby dooby doodly doo dah day o day o and Precious just walked in the door (6:20am… party girl)…
she's got her RockStar drink and is getting ready for work… i remember those days when i used to stay awake all night hanging with friends and then jump in a quick shower and head to work… wait, that's what i'm doing tonight, aren't i… except without the friends… alas… i did wander myspace and was inspired to return to Dland to visit a couple of old friends on the web though, so maybe that counts… sorta… still, alas… feeling lonely sucks sometimes, ya know?...
still, it turns me on… and my reaction still amuses me… so it's not all bad… i should know that finding something like the internet archive was going to set of a chain reaction of nostalgia and misty fun… I dreamed of creating my own montage or something one of these days… yeah, still full of hope after all these years (and crazy too, but i'll write my own songs even if the whole world isn't singing them)… and with that double song reference, i shall close this entry and wake myself up to get ready for work…
may you weave something fine into your tapestry today :)
today was a vegetative day as i slept most of it while roommates watched TV… i woke a little while ago, actually, around 10pm, (it's new sunrise now) and instead of crawling into bed (which is broken again, by the way, and hasn't seen me in it since before i went to Oklahoma), i started wandering the net and have all sorts of comments to fill entries and stroke ego for this week, so you've been warned… and won't this be a topsy-turvy day…
not that anyone really cares (especially not in intimate {the closest most meaningful, with or without sexuality} time and space) or even believes me (heck, even my most devoted and closest almost-spouse z doubts my irreverence and perhaps my veracity… oh, the shame of it all, poor woe-is-me wah wah… what does it all mean, is there any point in going on?), but i forge (or am i plodding?... not that i'm interested in a call from the judges, so i'll just continue) on (through the wind and rain and tears and years and aspersions tossed on my eagerly awaiting grave and vast monuments and memorials in memorandums and all), carry on, babble on…
babble on… that was one of the first names i used as a title for my ramblings… the first collection, which included everything i found from my first childhood in this life (cuz you know almost all of my first childhood creations and possessions were thrown in the trash by the person who adopted me and called herself my mother, but others might not know, so i mention it to lay on the woe, or is that woah?... we'll have to listen to Say Anything again and ruminate… November 6th will be the eight time {i think, but i'm not actually counting} i see Say Anything, making it the most seen live band since the heavy concert days of the teen years… yo, can you dig it), was called Scattered Pages (yes, i decided, just now i think, that i will still use capital letters now and then, if only as a last ditch effort to legitimatize my writings {or maybe just to masturbate my ego, since it's rare anybody does} as if there's something actually worth remembering and publishing amidst the piles of multi-millions of words)… it was not a bound collection of writings, but rather it was actually a folder of scattered pages, so my creativity in nomenclature might have started out a bit slow, aye?... the second collection, which may or may not have been a bound volume cuz i don't recall at the moment, was called… ummm… i don't recall at the moment…
i think we can learn a lot from roots and beginnings and i would love you (or anyone in fact) to truly know me, so i was happy to find that the internet archives still held on to my original web offerings (though the IA {yeah, me and the internet archive are getting closer} seems to pull up pages inconsistently, that is, sometimes the links work and sometimes the links do not work even when they just worked and showed that the page is actually there) and sometimes it is with background and graphics and sometimes it is not… i wonder if it pulls up a page just one time and then it's gone forever (oh, i hope not, cuz i haven't saved every page yet)… sometimes, it seems, you have to return to the original link as the "next" links do not always work…
but back to me (being roundly egocentric and selfish and all), i mean, just in case anybody really wants to know me better through exploring my personal internet beginnings (which were extremely full of and weeping (even deeper than The Waterboys and more self-indulgent misery than Gavin Friday, if you must know… i mean, you must know if you care and want to be closer, but face the facts, not everybody visiting here does, ya know?), i believe the first page i put out here was A Brief Introduction to Anonanonanon and the first personal journal-type page was Keep In Touch (or my KIT pages), though the first actual page i ever put on the web may have been the original of Home, Home on the Web which is still missing, though the one linked is an updated one with similar flavor…
the Brief Intro was, i believe, my first attempt to put an intro/bio type page up on the web back in 1997 when i first stepped out for more than a fleeting glance at this web world… i spent most of my time at a Yahoo chat room called The Asylum™ (yes, with the trademark… I didn't name the room, but i was a regular fixture in it for many months or longer and was known as Anonanonanon, a 4 year old asexual toon {cartoon character} persona created in response to the constant "a/s/l?" requests that seemed to dominate the chat/IM world in the early days and maybe still does) and when people started asking for more info about me, rather than repeat myself in the chat room, i decided i'd put up a web page)… it was about the same time i started the Home on the web page cuz the Brief intro page was pre-formatted and i wanted to learn html and links stuff and so started the web weaving that some might suggest has gotten way out of control, or at least impossible to completely follow, but then, i love mazes and impossible dreams, as you may already kinda have noticed… and the KIT pages were started when i stopped having a permanent residence and wanted to keep in touch with the web folk and others (who i still hope might find me out here on the web) with whom i want to keep in touch…
yeah, so maybe i wrote all this before and redundancy is my middle name, but now it comes with links to the (almost) original pages, so this revision offers more depths and potential for intimacy, perhaps… there's always hope, ya know?... well, there's always hope that you know, for me, anyway… and i could swear that there was a "but" coming when i started out to tell you something way back when i started out with not that anyone cares but i have no idea what the butt of that but might be, so i am just gonna laugh at myself anyway (cuz i do feel certain i would have if i followed through with whatever i might have been leading up to) and hope you enjoy the confusion as much as i do… maybe i was just thinking about the origins of my web world and my writings in general or life and love and so on and so forth and Scooby dooby doodly doo dah day o day o and Precious just walked in the door (6:20am… party girl)…
she's got her RockStar drink and is getting ready for work… i remember those days when i used to stay awake all night hanging with friends and then jump in a quick shower and head to work… wait, that's what i'm doing tonight, aren't i… except without the friends… alas… i did wander myspace and was inspired to return to Dland to visit a couple of old friends on the web though, so maybe that counts… sorta… still, alas… feeling lonely sucks sometimes, ya know?...
still, it turns me on… and my reaction still amuses me… so it's not all bad… i should know that finding something like the internet archive was going to set of a chain reaction of nostalgia and misty fun… I dreamed of creating my own montage or something one of these days… yeah, still full of hope after all these years (and crazy too, but i'll write my own songs even if the whole world isn't singing them)… and with that double song reference, i shall close this entry and wake myself up to get ready for work…
may you weave something fine into your tapestry today :)
Labels: alas, amused, babble, diaryland, dreams, egmo, erreverence, giggle, hope, lam, loneliness, memories, missing, mtmm, muses, naked, revealing, sleepdep, vege, zen
posted by candoor at 11:59 PM
9 Comments:
*sputtering and coughing, covered in soot and ash and just popping over to say hello and wish you a wonderful Halloween week.
Dude I left a response to your comment over at MS. It sounds kind of weird LOL but don't worry about it, I'm just uber tired. If you make head nor tail of it and want me to mail ye again, I'm more than prepared to tell you what evil shit I been up to. Later bro Smash \m/
s - California might burn up before it sinks into the ocean... focus on the amazing experience and renewal of wildlife habitat and natural cycles and people who care and not on any of the easy to give into downbeats, ok?
smash - yeah, now who's weird?...
welcome brother of a different mother from across the water (we can take turns being the madman)... so much, so many, so few, so the best we can do is continue...
my chapeau is your chapeau... wait, i mean, my chateau, yeah, you're too big to live in my hat...
it's wonderful to see you, it's certainly a thrill... omigish, i've stooped to pandering to an original liverpuddle...
if you are not laughing, you're too drunk to read... stare at the funny twinkly things in the sky and it'll all make sense...
on a starry starry night, after all...
yay, stay :)
easter eggs containing little z0tlz inside crack me up gently down the spine into teh hara i go this weekend yet one more sesshin.
And what a Rich Tapestry.
i don't think i'm gonna stay awake tonight to write an entry, but i love you anyway...
even jealous of your meditative excursions...
and puns...
I used to be rich, until i lost my h...
thank you for the reminder about MS, and after wondering why I was there as you reminded me to do, I couldn't really come up with a reason, so now I'm not.
I'm glad you are going to sleep, though somehow I think you are probably still awake as something else most likely grabbed your attention :)
*poof
I left ya a MS response... and I@m weird? Fuck dude, maybe you are too. But you're my brother and thass cool cos I love you and care for you and would kill or die to maintain that/ Yeah fuck, I might be weird but I'm Smash... *growlz a fuckin blood chillin growl*
Just for you.
guess i flicked a switch or something cuz i went out again last night... to the Urban Flats wine tasting meetup cuz it was just down the street... that's two weeknights this week... so maybe traffic and distance does play more of a roll after all... for future pondering...
anyway, sleepy... and time to get to work again... i appreciate you being here and hopefully will put some entries together tonight... hope life is smiling in your world :)
Post a Comment
<< Home