wandering myspace

hey, i've got 44 readers over at myspace… and some 3400 'friends'… people just keep popping up and adding me… every time i go back there is another dozen requests are waiting… in some strange way it is a sign of life, a sign of hope that there may still be more life to share beyond the relatively futile daily life i currently wander through… hope for improvement… hope for better days… so as superficial as the web may be and as ridiculous as myspace can be, there's stll reason to keep the connection and keep the door open and keep hope alive…

so i sat here listening to the music on this girl's blog and read a bit of her writing, commenting on the words and what i found in the content, which may have been more in my mind than in hers, but then, i can only know what is in my mind and if there's similarity in the writer's mind, well, yay or something…

and then, just when i was ready for something new, i found Soko who would certainly be fine fuel for wet dreams for me, so if you happen to see her wandering around aimlessly singing very odd songs with some lyrical emptiness, or at least awkward oddness, please send her my way… cuz she's adorable, even in vulgarity, she's sensual, even in confrontation, she's sensual, even in innocence, and she's appealing, even far away… la la la… she can write the chorus for us…

it's been so long since i've been with anyone i found adorable, i mean, without thinking about it, not pure lust necessarily, but that simple instinctive emotion i call adorable (which is my favorite of them all)… it's the most melt-me-in-your-mouth of all the emotions for me and it is the rarest of all as well in this world… i am not always even attracted to someone who inspires the feeling, though when i am, it's the scarybest… not the scariest, much much better than scary, it's the scarybest… i haven't felt the scarybest in many years either… combine adorable with scarybest and everything changes, even if we don't meet, but if we meet, woah, and if she reciprocates the feeling, nothing will ever be the same again… i might die, but it'll be the single best moment of life, ever…

so i suppose she is semi-adorable, in the end, or before the beginning to be more precise… but see what just a smidgen of semi-adorable without scarybest from far away can do?... oh there is so much you do not know about me in spite of reading seventy grimpillion words… these last ten years have been my least productive, most depressed, stupidest times of life in this life for this life i loosely consider calling mine but in the end probably don't want it anyway especially based on the last ten years and yet, it's still more fun than most of the lives i read about or any of the lives i have passed through in the last ten years… sad, huh?... so sad… sometimes it seems so sad (Beatles)… and sorry seems to be the hardest word (Elton and Bernie did too… and Harry)…

and while we're somewhere in the vicinity of the subject, i wish someone would inspire me to feel and want to share The Moody Blues again… of course i could simply enjoy the positivity of this song without any sensual undertones (or overtones, even) cuz it was unnecessary and she's not my type and the sound and words raise my spirits and feel good… don't let me be getting in a country mood now, cuz i'll be wailing country blues out all night long and all the cool rocker folk will think i've lost my mind cuz everybody knows that country is even more emo than emo…

I then enjoyed this guy… kind of a throw back to the mood of nostalgia and fun with a touch of wistful alas, mostly cuz of the minimal sharing going on, that i am in right now…

and that reminds me that, while i like XP and this laptop now and i am slowly getting used to it's limits and quirks and keyboard and such, there is a majorly missing ingredient in my browsing… Win98 and IE used to put music i listened to into the temporary internet files as an mp3 file so i could save the songs i wanted to remember (and therein listen again and decide if i want to buy the cd)… it seems that XP does not let IE or Firefox do that… major suckage that has me plotting to find an old laptop with Win98 on it to sit next to me and serve just that purpose…

of course there is probably software out there that rips streaming media like myspace player and real and other files… i downloaded one that claimed to save youtube files, but it does not work on this laptop… so maybe it's more a scam to get people to download and install spyware, but Spybot did not raise a flag and while i do not have adaware or a virus program yet, i don't notice any signs of virus and my spam is not increasing, so hopefully there is another reason the software isn't working (like there is a reason the CD/DVD burner will not burn… it'll read, play, and rip just fine, but at the end of the burn process it keeps coming up with an error… the disk is no longer usable, but it will not play… something seems to be stopping the final step in the burn process… which is the other major suckage about this laptop and ultimately, keeps it from becoming home… while every computer is obsolete almost as soon as it's plugged in and they all will be replaced sooner or later, this one will be replaced sooner, as opposed to later…

moving along now to the magic numbers and enjoying the sounds in the first few moments, i am definitely enjoying the addition of music to my browsing experience and exploring the new artists is the most fun i've had on the computer since i figured out the fundamentals of html (did i ever mention that a brother i never really knew and only met a few times but was legally related by marriage actually wrote the first commercially successful html software back in the early nineties?... he was a graduate of cooper union in nyc and berkeley in ca back in the early sixties when the beatniks were moving out and the hippies were moving in and decided that saving cali and the environment with his biochemical engineering degree was not as interesting as teaching himself computers and software design and he lives in halifax canada now and is probably very very old, but i sometimes think i should have stayed out there in san fran cali cuz i could have stayed with him for a while way back when i was taking my first baby steps into an independent life and what a difference that might have made, but i returned to nyc for love and following love has definitely not bee a good career move in this life)…

anyway, i am enjoying the magic numbers now, though for some reason the player is not playing as well for them as it did for the others or as well as it usually does… for fairness and credit, since millions of potential fans flock through here every day, waiting with baited breath for my next reference or recommendation so they can run out and buy and change their lives based on my babblings, Ben Kweller and Lindsay Haun were the two artists preceding this current one… and I forgot the name of the semi-adorable one (see, when the music is not as impressive, long distance lust passes faster than fancy) and her name is not in the address of her site…

ah, the dreams continue...