practicing patheticism

or is that patheticysm… in either case, it seems a lot like a spiritual experience in this human form as pathos and self-indulgence breed poor-me selfish perspectives like a plague in our culture (and most others, right to the martyrdom so celebrated by the big religions of this world)… wait, rather than describe it in some faux-intellectual terms, i'll just try to express it…

so i passed up stopping for food and even passed up stopping at the supermarket intending to eat cereal or something else light and i find Precious walking in the door right behind me asking for food, or hinting, really, cuz she seldom actually asks and usually goes with the reverse you don't have to aloof and independent attitude, but somehow we ended up ordering from my favorite Italian place anyway… on my credit card… and a pizza for when Rasputin wakes… hopefully Raspy will have a twenty to toss my way and i won't have gone too crazy… $50 later , I am the reluctant owner of a ton more calories than I intended…

the idjit comes out for Halloween, no doubt… boo… always a great cultural excuse to eat fat and sugar, after all… so here we are back home again, the garbage piled up, the mess and messy as ever, and me whining and indulging my stupidity like a normal human being… maybe i shoulda gotten married like z… the trick there would be finding someone who simply cares, no less falls in love… at the moment, truly caring people seem to keep their distance from me, I mean, trusting that they actually do exist and are not just a myth…

ah, but how else would i amuse myself at home… the brain hurts… not enough REM sleep this week and a high carb diet will do that to the brain… at least that's the effect in the head between and above the shoulders of this body i sometimes call mine, and loosely when i do… i've obviously got nothing much to say tonight, so i am looking around and using everything around me to avoid my responsibility for my unhealthy and only momentarily satisfying behavior…

there, you see, the patheticysm is strong in this one tonight… thursday night patheticysm, could become a communal event, maybe even a cult… maybe i'll start a meetup… we could sit around channeling the great martyrs of history, meditate on the passion of the Christ, of Joan, of Mohammed… we could nurture the cynicism and self-pity and hopelessness so prevalent in our culture and embrace the easy excuses and bask in the pleasures of justified irresponsibility… oh, how glorious, we could make it holy, spill blood or something and drink poison and die, every Thursday at Thursday night patheticysm…

can life get any more fun?...

ok, next entry :)