another postponed entry

well, there was not enough time to get any writing done on the trip, so the entries in my head (and there's more words than can be translated by human tongues) will have to wait until i return... the in-between times (waiting at airports and on the plane and such) were not useful because the battery in this laptop is weak and will not hold a charge for long enough to make writing unplugged worth it... alas, live and learn and laugh at the stupid human tricks I am learning (buy what you want and stop over-thinking everything and letting other factors like budget and such get in the way, right)... so I'll be back later in the week to update more entries like this one and the last one and the next one and the rest of the week ones and by the time the week is over nobody (except you) will ever know that there were not entries every day this week...

posterity is so easily fooled, aye?...

but ego loves it (posterity and so on) anyway and keeping ego happy with such little things as lining up the dates as if there was some organization to this life like a professional type writer sort of (except for the editing and keeping in tune with the grammar and rules of language and strunk and white and webster and all those rule makers of structure and order and such) is easy, so we do...

besides, i decided to play with hair color and it's soaking in right now (it's about 6am tuesday)... sure, send me on a business trip and see what mischief i solemnly swear i can get up to no good, right?... are we having fun yet?...

i loved you in so many ways
and would have loved you more
as you were so vulnerably mine
when you came to my door
eighteen and fresh from parents womb
first time out on your own
so bold and yet so innocent
i left you alone

and now i wonder what if i did what came naturally
if i did not hold back on the attraction
if i seduced you and shared satisfaction
if i did not focus on public reaction
and shared intimacy
would you still be here with me...

i gave you oh so many things
i could have given more
you arrived with so little
when you came to my door
wide eyed and so full of hope
and big dreams to be fulfill
so open to my influence
i left you to your will

and now i wonder what if i did what came naturally
if i did not do what i was supposed to do
if i share all of me with you
if i gave us the chance to know what could be true
in shared intimacy
would you still be here with me...

we were dreamers of different ages
writing the same song on separate pages
respecting the rules of society

yet is was the same dream we'd chase
we were searching for the same embrace
holding hands for all the world to see

and when we looked into each others eyes
we know the secret shared beyond the words
and that may have been enough until we meet again
in other worlds
in other words

you gave me your hand, your trust, your life
i took you for a child instead of wife
the memories remain as beautiful as any in my mind
but sometimes i wonder...
sometimes i wonder...
sometimes i wonder if we left some dreams behind

yeah what if we did what came naturally
if we set the instincts in us free
if we did not stop at holding hands
if would our memories be of wonderlands
if shared intimacy...
would you still be here with me...
would you still be here with me

happy birthday pj :)