we've all got our standards and practices

so I show up online at all sorts of odd hours and I stare at the screen wondering where everybody might be, knowing most of the world is asleep, so i probably shouldn't call them... most of the world, that is... and though a few might be awake, I don't know which few those few might be, so I don't call anybody... as if the phone and I have a user friendly relationship anyway...

in fact, an old friend (speaking of phones), who you might remember as Helena, popped back into the phone after years of silence... she does that, drops people for reasons she feels are valid and then suddenly pops back up as if time didn't pass and she didn't ignore the last dozen phone calls asking "what did I do?"... but apparently I didn't get back to her message fast enough and a day or two later got a text telling me how disatisfied she was with my not calling back within the one or two day period she set as a maximum satisfactory period and I suppose I'm dropped again as she ended with have a nice life...

she might have meant it less dismissively than I read it, but what can I say... I pick up the phone when I am awake and have time to talk... I call back poorly... especially in the middle of the week... people either deal with it or write me off... friends deal with it... there is that whole trauma thing (long story) that makes personal phone calls still a trigger for me, after all... yeah sure, i make light of it, but it is still very real and i still avoid the phone more often than not, but hey, that's my issue and you make if it what you want... believe the truth, that it is not a personal rejection of you or anyone, or make it what it isn't and react as you want to... i have no control over that... i know my intentions are harmless...

anyway, most of my free home time this week (which was less than usual cuz I stayed at work late and started running again), I computer shopped online... yes, I'm obsessed with finding another computer... if this guy responds, I might buy one of these:

That's right!!! A COMPLETE DELL "SMALL FORM FACTOR" OPTIPLEX COMPUTER SYSTEM FOR ONLY $80!!!
THEY WILL NEVER BE THIS CHEAP AGAIN!!!
INTEL 815 MOTHERBOARD WITH 1GHZ (1000MHZ)PROCESSOR
256MB SDRAM
20 GIG WESTERN DIGITAL HARD DRIVE
INTEL 815 INTEGRATED AGP GRAPHICS
SOUND BLASTER LIVE AUDIO
17" DELL CRT MONITOR
3COM 10/100 NIC
4 USB PORTS
MULTIMEDIA KEYBOARD
HP SCROLL MOUSE
WINDOWS XP PRO INSTALLED
OFFICE XP PROFESSIONAL INSTALLED
SPYBOT SEARCH AND DESTROY
AVG ANTIVIRUS
60 DAY DEFECTIVE PARTS WARRANTY!!!
THIS COMPUTER REALLY IS JUST $80!!
HURRY!!!
CALL CHRIS AT . . . - . . . - . . . .

not cuz he's shouting, but I figure it's better than I've got and just $80 with a monitor and XP Pro and Office Pro installed... I figure I can put more RAM into it cheap and get an external hard drive if I want to load up music, though I realize it's still an old machine... I'm gonna call him tomorrow...

I'm also considering checking these out:

BUY ONE----->> OR BUY THE BULK-------->> (for a great deal.)
Buy these name brand computers (with or without monitors and keyboards) for dirt cheep.
----> Great computers in great conditions---- $100.00 Each ----> Or buy the bulk for ($850.00) (Dell, Power Macintosh, I-Mac’s, Compaq, ESQ and Premio.) ----> 2 Power Mac G3 desktop computers --- $475.00 or $250.00 Each ((includes Monitor and Keyboard))
----Accessories---- - - (PC & Mac Monitors with or without speakers $50.00 - $75.00 (obo), Keyboards Mac’s and PC’s, Mouse’s $10.00)
and / or
3 working computers, 3 monitors, 2 printers 3 keyboards win/98se
Gateway/Dell/HP Pentium II's
New Dell Printer, never used paid 100
New HP lightscribe DVD burner in box, Misc software, Paid 75
Pick them all up today for a $100!

there's also a Mac G4 offered for $200 and I emailed the guy and hope to hear from him cuz I'd like to play with a Mac... and a couple of laptops I emailed about as well... yeah, so I've been giving up sleep to wander the web in search of cheap computers... I'll probably end up with a few and put off the mega $2000 machine (at least this moment seems to be leaning me in that direction, but who knows what tomorrow's winds will do)...

if it turns out to be a waste (cuz I still don't have enough memory or speed to handle the browsing and music stuff I want to do), it'll be a learning lesson and I'll have a better idea of just how much memory, speed, and power I actually need to do what I want to do on a computer... cuz, after all, I'll never be completely satisfied cuz there's always something new and better popping up every few months...

so that's the news from the zombie (it's really time for sleep, but so much to do, to think, to feel, to write, to share... alone, but hopeful, and I dont want to miss a thing, ya know?)... remember to pass the word to Oklahoma... and to anyone else interested... or at least anyone else with patience and a love of mental roller coasters...

nite nite :)