g'morn
I was just about to post an entry on 10/16, or more likely 10/7 after midnight, but the time-date stamp below is set for 10/16... this window sit open on the laptop awaiting words... but I fell asleep before completing the process of typing, cutting, pasting, and clicking on the PUBLISH POST button... and when i woke, I found the Office 2007 window with words closed and puzzled a moment about how that might have happened and did not have time to open and explore (especially when opening it uses one of the precious 25 times I am allowed to use it... my intention to leave it open is thwarted by frequent Windows Update requests and new software installations {as I search for the ideal software} that require re-starting the computer) what might have happened... hopefully the words were not lost and I'll get them out here someday soon...
when last we left each other's fine company, our intrepid time traveler (me, in this case) was rambling on about sleep and random thoughts, I think... that is, I think I think random thoughts and I think I was rambling on about sleep and random thoughts I think, I think...
O . . O
.
O
ummmm, yeah... so anyway... I woke this morning (it's Thursday morning, I think... thank is, oh let's not get started on thinking again) early as I fell asleep right after dinner last night... I feel much refreshed, but definitely not completely refreshed as I used to feel when I woke (if you recall . . . my spirit is reborn each time I open my eyes . . . from my answer to the age? query most everyone seems to ask before any other, even before name? which is, to me, such a sad reflection on the stereotypical prejudices and superficiality of our species, but that's a rant or ramble for another time, I think... stop)...
yes, i... i do capitalize i in reference to me... shameful and I shall attempt to stop this instant as I just thought of the reminder z left an instant before this instant as the brain does from time to time... think, that is... and remember... but that's another thought for another time (and I mean another blog entry, not necessarily another time, the blog, if you know what I mean and thank you so very much, dear s, for noticing and responding)...
it is time to shower and go to work... the many thoughts being thunk in the brain shall have to wait on the sidelines as is more often the case than not of late... I shall attempt to return this evening, but am realizing as I am semi-refreshed this morning that I do not return to me much these days and most often my rambling words are not coming from the core of me, but rather playing for attention out of loneliness and an aching-to-the-point-of-numb desire to share more... I am neglecting myself and therein, not sharing myself...
I will attempt to find time to ponder this in more depths as soon as possible, and find remedy for the self-destructive situation I am becoming slightly more aware of in serious consciousness at this moment... the distractions of space and time and work and life are definitely winning the battle for my attention these days (and why must it be a battle?... shhhh, no time for such thoughts, time to stop thinking)...
I wonder if being more amused than frustrated is a good thing...
time to stop wondering too...
till tomorrow...
g'morn :)
when last we left each other's fine company, our intrepid time traveler (me, in this case) was rambling on about sleep and random thoughts, I think... that is, I think I think random thoughts and I think I was rambling on about sleep and random thoughts I think, I think...
.
O
ummmm, yeah... so anyway... I woke this morning (it's Thursday morning, I think... thank is, oh let's not get started on thinking again) early as I fell asleep right after dinner last night... I feel much refreshed, but definitely not completely refreshed as I used to feel when I woke (if you recall . . . my spirit is reborn each time I open my eyes . . . from my answer to the age? query most everyone seems to ask before any other, even before name? which is, to me, such a sad reflection on the stereotypical prejudices and superficiality of our species, but that's a rant or ramble for another time, I think... stop)...
yes, i... i do capitalize i in reference to me... shameful and I shall attempt to stop this instant as I just thought of the reminder z left an instant before this instant as the brain does from time to time... think, that is... and remember... but that's another thought for another time (and I mean another blog entry, not necessarily another time, the blog, if you know what I mean and thank you so very much, dear s, for noticing and responding)...
it is time to shower and go to work... the many thoughts being thunk in the brain shall have to wait on the sidelines as is more often the case than not of late... I shall attempt to return this evening, but am realizing as I am semi-refreshed this morning that I do not return to me much these days and most often my rambling words are not coming from the core of me, but rather playing for attention out of loneliness and an aching-to-the-point-of-numb desire to share more... I am neglecting myself and therein, not sharing myself...
I will attempt to find time to ponder this in more depths as soon as possible, and find remedy for the self-destructive situation I am becoming slightly more aware of in serious consciousness at this moment... the distractions of space and time and work and life are definitely winning the battle for my attention these days (and why must it be a battle?... shhhh, no time for such thoughts, time to stop thinking)...
I wonder if being more amused than frustrated is a good thing...
time to stop wondering too...
till tomorrow...
g'morn :)
Labels: alas, amused, away, babble, briefish, comments, compromise, doh, energy, erreverence, fog, memories, Microsoft sucks, missing, patience, perspective, revealing, self-destruct, sigh, time
posted by candoor at 11:59 PM
8 Comments:
Well, I guess there is a song that talks about a time and purpose for everything, so if you are distracted by other things I suppose they are no worse or better than other distractions to pass the time away. But I could be wrong and probably am. So I'll say good morning, good night, good afternoon, and be good to your deserving self.
:)
so where you be on your web blogging self?
there isn't one...
let's just make up a little fantasy for z that his prediction that I would be gone in a year was correct, albeit a few months overdue. (I wouldn't want to deprive him of a moment of glory after all, and it is my self appointed role to make people happy).
I can still read though :)
lol Serenity,
it is a hard task, to have the self-appointed role to make other people happy.
Hope you will continue to grave me with your presence & divine smile
you are confused, s, this isn't my moment of glory, this is you wanting all of us to beg you to keep on keeping on.
well, you'll keep on whether you blog or not, so have your moment of "maturity" & we'll all be here when you're back to writing down your thoughts.
ps: candyguru, how come you never return people's phone calls and why then do you plaster your number all over the websterphere?
what what what?...
don'tcha love me anymore?...
whatcha picking on me for?...
dontcha love me anymore?...
so i grin, sue me...
but seriously, hmmmm, if there's anything that dandies up z's dander, it's the smell of a pity-party and i see some dander up in my face here, which is much appreciated and amusing because consistency and honesty is appreciated and amusing to me...
you is right, mostly... you too, z (badumduh)... it's not that i never return people's phone calls, it's that I do it poorly, inconsistently, slowly, and with much forgetfulness...
it does not help that my history with phones, right up to the present day, includes associating people wanting money or something else from me with the ringing... and then there is the history (and scars and PTSD) of the pain associated with trusting the phone and voices on the other end...
i can rationalize it away, but the same rationalist accepts that reality, for me, is mostly in the visual spectrum these days (which is probably why my rhyming fantasies are few and far between), and maybe the actual reality is that it's always that way... whatever it real out there, in the brain where i live, what my eyes do not see, my brain does not respond to well...
excuses, sure, but real behaviorally effecting (or is that affecting) phenomenon that is measurable and repeatable...
i return phone calls in spurts... like i returned a dozen phone calls or more the week i was finally actually shopping for a computer...
so i'm sensitive, or over-sensitive, by most human standards... and i live in my own little bubbles most of the time, expect when I find a wave of hope refresh the child inside and i bounce out of my bubble all wide-eyed and excited about reaching out and talking and listening and playing well with others...
that happens less and less these days, but there's always hope it'll happen more...
being too self-contained is self-defeating for the part of me that wants to fall in love and share everything with someone... but all in all, i think it's better than the illusion of dependencies and insecurities most people seem to believe in...
i am exactly what i am
and not the way you'd like to see me be
i look outside long as i can
then i close my eyes and watch my world unfold before me
closer to the core where i actually live, the music remains the same... and in closing, irreverent simplicity inspires my smile...
yeah, what i am is what i am
(you what you are or what?)
s - sometimes the shell calls and we hole up in it for a while and believe it is good, whatever it might be in reality... we can tell ourselves we are caterpillars needing quiet seclusion to become butterflies... but how many times?...
perhaps it is good now and then, but too often or for too long and it becomes a bad habit of avoidance and self-indulgent denial... i've been there, it got me here, which is very close to nowhere...
now i spend my days distracting myself with life outside of my dreams and look for my way out and back to where i belong...
get back, get back...
luckily my own drama inspires my self-laughter and i mock myself out of it most of the time, especially when it sneaks up on me...
there's always a choice, and most of the time i choose to be happy... i don't know why anyone else would choose anything else most of the time...
may you create happiness and most of all, be honest...
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