ok, i can take a hint

self-destruction sucks all by myself... then again, i'm only doing it to attract someone to save me, even though nobody can... i'd just like to believe that somebody can, like care enough and be strong enough and want to enough and have the time and the energy and the will and the magic and the amazingess and the adorability (that's the key, in case you didn't know) and know how to use it just right (that's the secret, in case you didn't know) and...

still not sleeping enough and dumb is the word... still not exercising enough and dumber is the word... i could probably make a really bad movie all by myself... random thoughts are crashing into each other and forming this entry, so far, at least...

i babbled on a bit here and there, there being elsewhere, but then, you already know about myspace where i am a faux star who leaves people speechless... ironic gift for a kid who wants to share words and everything, isn't it?... anyway, i started three new blogs too, but we'll just slip that in here between the lines until i decide they are something i want to announce and do a little dance about... a jig, even... the ridiculousness of the process of the method to my madness is far beyond the comprehension of the most understanding i've known, but the ruminating lovers sometimes catch a glimpse of the secret between laughter and tears and screams and sighs... and when those two lines turn into a song, i'll be sure to let you know...

it's all about the love, even if nobody really knows...

meanwhile, i present you with the keys to the kingdom, even if nobody has time to use them, or even play with them, as we shuffle through our separate lives along what authors much more worthy of reading than i called this mortal coil... sometimes it's more like a spider's web, actually, but then, it's all a matter of perspective... ultimately, it doesn't matter whether the glass is half full or half empty when you're thirsty...

sometimes i just gawk widely at the words i see popping up on the screen after my fingers touch the keys and wonder who wrote them...


so what's new in the real?...

same old same old, work went well as a little more respect and responsibility and power and all that professional stuff comes my way... people in house are depending on me more and i finally nudged the administrator over and took a big bite out of his job (the risk manager part) as he was freaking people out as he does now and then over an incident he wanted investigated... not that he hasn't hinted enough times, but then, our salary negotiation was that we'd renegotiate an increase if i took the risk manager responsibility, so that's gonna be our the summer dance no matter how much he tries to avoid it... and i also found out that i seem to have a growing reputation at corporate and my number is being passed around to other facilities as if i am someone important to know and learn from... don't know how long i'll want to be in the work spotlight this time, but it seems to be moving closer...

life at home is lazier than usual as i am taking a break from going out every night lately... watched American Idol for the singer in me... watched basketball out of half an eye while playing my fantasy baseball and checking email and meetups and myspace and my personal stuff on the web... still out of the habit of checking sites not mine, except for the random stop at myspace when i want to read distract my brain a bit... i hope you are still out there writing or something...

g'nite, i love you, won't you come out and play :)