skimming the surface
sometimes that is all i can do, pop in here for a moment and skim the surface because life is so busy these days... working the corporate treadmill doesn't help, but mostly it is social life that is keeping me away from the words... and the calendar is lighter this month than it has been in the previous five or six months (or longer), mostly because i it is time for a little rest and it is time to focus on searching for a new place to live, which takes a lot of time (it took me more than six months to find this place)...
it was kind of sudden as Rasputin waited until the last minute (the first of this month) to tell me that he and Precious finally decided to move and taking days off work in the first half of the month are challenging, so i'm stuck rushing through whatever i can find in the short two weeks that are left in the month... complicating matters is that i've somehow been picked up on the radar of executive recruiters and i am getting what amount to SPAM phone calls promising six figure salaries if i sign up with them... most are scams and distractions from the real choices i must make...
but that's life, changes and choices and often the changes are controlled more by those we depend on than by ourselves (reason not to depend on anybody, perhaps, but then, as tired as i am of the inconsistencies and inconsideration and unreliability that seems so natural to humans, i still hope out hope for one consistent aware secure balanced happy human who sees and feels things as i do, so i keep opening the doors and sharing cuz, ya know, there's always hope)...
so Precious has found a place, a room in some families home (not exactly sure how that gets her out on her own more, but hey, it's their choice)... I don't think Raspy has found anything yet, but he has some place to stay if he doesn't... and i've got narrowed it down to a few good choices if i want to splurge on $800-$850 myself, which is appealing because of the privacy, but will bite into monthly income a whole lot more than the bills do now, especially when adding on utilities, internet, cable, phone, and so on... as for sharing space, i've had a half dozen calls already, but i am not getting the right feeling yet, so i am leaning toward getting my own place... there's always the option of paying for the two bedroom and taking my time finding the right roommate... alas, that's what savings are for, right?...
bored?... i am... but it's supposed to help me decide if i write about it, so i write about it... and as someone who apparently is someone from my past (but who, to this point, is remaining anonymous {nothing like calling you out, aye?} in spite of the severe psychological trauma suffered by my curiosity {guilt trip, who me?} and haunting memories that might be stirred by an overactive imagination trying to figure out just who the mystery person might be) pointed out (what was it that was pointed out again?... oh yeah), i do hold out hope for love and romance, but just as much i hold out hope for the perfect roommate (or at least one who will also be a friend who shares my interests and lifestyle and house habits)...
so this semi-introspective catch up entry comes to you during the commercials as the olympics provide an escape from the stresses of decisions and impatience with life that still has missing pieces (ever the perfectionist, but then, satisfaction is very overrated and, at least from my perspective, usually an illusion)...
for some time now i've been contemplating the end of this blog... it is the fourth primary online writing space i've had since starting to babble online in the late nineties and this may be the most cynical, most listless, most depressed of the four (at times i considered subtitling this one the depressed years), but then, that may not be the way it looks from out there... i feel i was feeling a whole lot more hope (false as it may have been) for humanity and for love in the first few online writing spaces, the original journal, the candora and candoor diaryland spaces, but then, maybe this is not so much depressed or pessimistic or cynical as it is realistic...
maybe there is no human ready for completely open honesty and sharing truly unconditional love and trust with every door wide open and nothing hidden all the time... maybe there is no human ready to be as one with everything universally and intimately... maybe it is me who is the fool believing i can... maybe...
queue the moody blues, aye?...
but music was his life, it was not his livelihood... and when the music was gone, there was so much doubt about how to carry on and i still haven't found what i'm looking for 9or my way back to being saved by the music, which might be the key element of the new space, for i have not made a space my own in more than a decade...
yes, that would be the moment, the maybe paragraph, the maybe moment... the moment when doubt is expressed clearly and logically and persuasively and along comes just the right song and the belushi naaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... to trust that much again, maybe it is time... and we see how out of practice i am because there have been entries where i faked it so well and strung together music so adeptly that you might never have known i was out of touch with music...
like a journey through my memories, a journey through my experience, a journey through the healing, like a...
journey
through
time
but still, i'm just skimming the surface... and silently laughing as i mock my cavalier superficiality (but then this is a success, after all, the goal was to become human, nyuknyuk, or something like that)...
it was kind of sudden as Rasputin waited until the last minute (the first of this month) to tell me that he and Precious finally decided to move and taking days off work in the first half of the month are challenging, so i'm stuck rushing through whatever i can find in the short two weeks that are left in the month... complicating matters is that i've somehow been picked up on the radar of executive recruiters and i am getting what amount to SPAM phone calls promising six figure salaries if i sign up with them... most are scams and distractions from the real choices i must make...
but that's life, changes and choices and often the changes are controlled more by those we depend on than by ourselves (reason not to depend on anybody, perhaps, but then, as tired as i am of the inconsistencies and inconsideration and unreliability that seems so natural to humans, i still hope out hope for one consistent aware secure balanced happy human who sees and feels things as i do, so i keep opening the doors and sharing cuz, ya know, there's always hope)...
so Precious has found a place, a room in some families home (not exactly sure how that gets her out on her own more, but hey, it's their choice)... I don't think Raspy has found anything yet, but he has some place to stay if he doesn't... and i've got narrowed it down to a few good choices if i want to splurge on $800-$850 myself, which is appealing because of the privacy, but will bite into monthly income a whole lot more than the bills do now, especially when adding on utilities, internet, cable, phone, and so on... as for sharing space, i've had a half dozen calls already, but i am not getting the right feeling yet, so i am leaning toward getting my own place... there's always the option of paying for the two bedroom and taking my time finding the right roommate... alas, that's what savings are for, right?...
bored?... i am... but it's supposed to help me decide if i write about it, so i write about it... and as someone who apparently is someone from my past (but who, to this point, is remaining anonymous {nothing like calling you out, aye?} in spite of the severe psychological trauma suffered by my curiosity {guilt trip, who me?} and haunting memories that might be stirred by an overactive imagination trying to figure out just who the mystery person might be) pointed out (what was it that was pointed out again?... oh yeah), i do hold out hope for love and romance, but just as much i hold out hope for the perfect roommate (or at least one who will also be a friend who shares my interests and lifestyle and house habits)...
so this semi-introspective catch up entry comes to you during the commercials as the olympics provide an escape from the stresses of decisions and impatience with life that still has missing pieces (ever the perfectionist, but then, satisfaction is very overrated and, at least from my perspective, usually an illusion)...
for some time now i've been contemplating the end of this blog... it is the fourth primary online writing space i've had since starting to babble online in the late nineties and this may be the most cynical, most listless, most depressed of the four (at times i considered subtitling this one the depressed years), but then, that may not be the way it looks from out there... i feel i was feeling a whole lot more hope (false as it may have been) for humanity and for love in the first few online writing spaces, the original journal, the candora and candoor diaryland spaces, but then, maybe this is not so much depressed or pessimistic or cynical as it is realistic...
maybe there is no human ready for completely open honesty and sharing truly unconditional love and trust with every door wide open and nothing hidden all the time... maybe there is no human ready to be as one with everything universally and intimately... maybe it is me who is the fool believing i can... maybe...
queue the moody blues, aye?...
but music was his life, it was not his livelihood... and when the music was gone, there was so much doubt about how to carry on and i still haven't found what i'm looking for 9or my way back to being saved by the music, which might be the key element of the new space, for i have not made a space my own in more than a decade...
yes, that would be the moment, the maybe paragraph, the maybe moment... the moment when doubt is expressed clearly and logically and persuasively and along comes just the right song and the belushi naaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... to trust that much again, maybe it is time... and we see how out of practice i am because there have been entries where i faked it so well and strung together music so adeptly that you might never have known i was out of touch with music...
like a journey through my memories, a journey through my experience, a journey through the healing, like a...
through
time
but still, i'm just skimming the surface... and silently laughing as i mock my cavalier superficiality (but then this is a success, after all, the goal was to become human, nyuknyuk, or something like that)...
Labels: amused, appauled, aye?, balance, blogs, distracted, emo, hope, human, illusions, irony intros, lam, love, mini-catharsis, missing, mtmm, music, psych, smile, time
posted by candoor at 11:56 PM
13 Comments:
Calling me out in the open - huh? Wouldn't have expected any less!
Also wondering if the articulation of the thoughts of giving up the blog were another cookie crumb to see if I would do what I would have done and will always do, which is scream "YOU CAN'T STOP!!" (But then again, that's rather vain of me, isn't it?)
I may not be ready for completely open honesty and sharing truly unconditional love and trust ... but knowing that you are and you do and you wait somehow makes everything right ... (talk about the ultimate lazy way through life ... live vicariously through Candor)
Moody Blues, huh? Now that's Telling ...
Been poking around ... the Gardens are weed-filled, but I know enough of the story to understand the "why and wherefore" ... Checked out the "anti blog" and others ...
Some poems were simply delicious ... "There was a time" ... "in love" ... "when I should be asleep" ... "Carol without strings" ... and what about "Title Song (Part One) ... absolutely spit on - "maybe another time" ... how many times have you heard those words????
And so far ... the one that haunts the most starts ... "empty heads, pouring empty words, into empty air " ... WHOA!
Is there an email address to send you more of my scribbles (hopefully they won't be totally empty) ... or do I just keep popping in all around your web world dropping a word here, another one there ...
i won't point out the phone number is right there on the right cuz that might suggest a lack of intestinal fortitude and i wouldn't want to insinuate anything that moight have a clucking sound attached to it (oh wait, did i just?... silly me)...
candor AT bellsouth DOT net
i might actually check it (have you caught the multitude of disclaimers about how i am not much into personal correspondence anymore?... if not, you either haven't looked too deep or i haven't mentioned it in longer than i thought...i am not very big on trusting written words these days... face value and surface acceptance is about all the written word generates in me... sad, probably, but we all lose something now and then, like a voice, or music, or a heart (zorro?... never heard of him)...
i spend most of my time in my mind when writing... one could say that talking to myself makes the most sense or even step further out on an egotistic limb and say that's the only way i can talk to someone on my level, but then, it's mostly just habit, probably starting as a defense mechanism but becoming just habit as i feel less need for defense mechanisms than i ever have in this life...
yeah, ever... wow, maybe... just seems to as it is for me though that i just feel a peaceful smile (but complacency does not keep a good wow down long, it'll return when it's time :)
be here, there, and/or everywhere...
seriously :)
meanwhile, more to your words, i don't think i meant to sucker you into a plea for continuance, but it still feels good so thanks... i have no intention of stopping the public display of narcissism, egotism, and whatever other ism that comes from my online writings... i have been considering moving on to another primary writing space as this one may have run it's course and the changes offline (moving to a new space, for one) seem to be supporting the idea... as the previous three incarnations of my online babbling have never completely stopped, though the first certainly paused a long time, and i expect this one might trickle along as the others do... but as for daily babble, a new space is approaching (and has been for several months)...
still, thank you...
maybe i still do trust words much more deeply than i let on :)
I would love a copy of The Telling CD to magically appear in my PO Box... I have not been able to find a copy in all these years...
oh wait, were you not subtly alluding to that CD? (need i actually insert a smirk here?)...
you are ready for what you want to be ready for... or as Dan Fogelberg said, someday you'll all understand...
The Moody Blues... I saw them live on April 1st... irony, naturally... you should have been there, it was so stoic, it was sad... but still, the music... it's been a long time since i saved myself with it... sometimes it sucks that i've survived and found my way to my peace and happiness without music, but then, dependency on it was one of my weaknesses, so i should thank you for forcing me to become immune to my kryptonite... not that i am superman in my mind, even if i am, or was, in yours (ego may not be as gentle as it once was, but then, maybe nothing is... or maybe that's just a facade cuz after all, i am on a mission to be a human here (in case you haven't noticed)...
or maybe the junkie surviving without his heroine is a more better analogy...
seem i am still loving that casual shock value, aye?...
even if it is somewhat innocuous...
poking, aye?... you always were a good poker... i'd love to hear your version of the whys and wherefores... seriously, i mean, the poker was a poke, but the curiosity is genuine and your perspective would be much appreciated...
and then you give what you give best... a teasing ration, but still, you find titles to repeat and i am believing you read - now if i find time to find those titles, perhaps a circle will form... it has been a very long time since a circle formed... i probably will not make time until after the move, so next month, perhaps, we'll draw circles...
feel free to do all there work yourself until i get there...
delicious... you do know your adjectives... and of course delicious leads me to think of your mouth... did you know that i made your mouth the most powerful force in the universe once?... scary, huh?...
especially when it bleeds into the thought of substituting mouths for heads in the WHOA ...
zing go the strings, aye?...
now that is an ancient musical reference you might have to look up, or perhaps you will impress me once again...
as for here, there, or email, you do as you please, you know that, but you have my permission and blessing to do as you please, just for the illusion... if that feels good, then thank you again...
til tomorrow...
i have the iPhone (which means gps/3G always webbed in, methinks) + unlimited text (at&t) so if you're with them too, that means unlimited mobile2mobile.
in other news, there's a way apparently to be successful in controlling people's behavior on the web, i mean some people even believe that they can force you to change your name IRL, let alone the goddam monikers you use on the net.
yet other people feel that legally speaking, if they ever send you an email, that's like saintly communication and you should never ever mention any and all w0rds that may have appeared in there, because that would break moral codes of privacy.
yet more people think that the internet is out the get them, bitch day in day out about the freedom of the woods, but if you take their hot shower away and make them wipe their asses with a leaf, my fucking god, the end of the world is here.
there is a very, very, very good reason why there is this saying:
BROS BEFORE HOES!
now google "sharp mesa vista" & sandy eggo and get your ass a job, i'll let you stay in my guest apartment (with private entry) for $585.58 a month.
six one nine
five reverse sex position
my answer to the universe 81
or i'll call you one of these day:z!-)
Chickens and intestinal fortitude or lack thereof ... CLUCK CLUCK!
I did notice all the disclaimers ... but come on ... when did I ever really pay attention when I wanted my own way? You know what they say - some things never change!
But then you assume that I assumed that you would actually respond ... or that I presumed to assume that you would want to respond ... when in all actuality that's exactly it! (sorry about that ... I practically had myself convinced that I was prepared to write you a sonnet that need not be answered ... HA! … welcome to my grand illusion)
yup we all lose something now and then ... (funny ... my musical director just started playing: we all fall in love sometime...)
Wish I'd realized then that your Zorro is more like a creature from Madagascar (you gotta move it, move it) ... than some seriously swash-buckling Spanish conquistador ... might have kept me from losing my smile. (Stop jumping up and down and stamping your feet ego ... there IS a compliment hidden in dem words).
So you haven't asked why I am here .. because you just don't do that. But you do, if you know what I mean. The last time I crept back into the picture through the side door ... (or did I fall down the Alice Hole … hmmm) … it was that exact question that had me scurrying back to my mouse hole (me a mouse? hmmm ... maybe ... though if I were to give it some serious thought and was forced to stick to a rodent analogy - I would have to describe myself as a squirrel. Same kind of scurrying, rather cute, nutty ... but capable of some major destruction of property). So ... before you can scare me again with your gruff "Why are you here ... what do you want?" (I never did totally believe the Wizard of Oz / behind the curtain thingee) ...
I'll take a deep breath and answer (superficially of course ... boy do I do superficial well) ... cuz the path of bread crumbs led me here (wide-eyed eyelash flapping). Honestly it did … she said.
One of those serendipitous trail of bread crumb meanderings … message from a friend on Facebook … while answering spent some time lurking his friends … saw the eternal flame … heart beat quickened … double –clicked … and Alice found herself in Wonderland … again!
I must admit that I was a bit dismayed that once again I had ironically appeared at a time of major flux and uncertainty and vulnerability … perhaps your most major flux since the nineties …(yes, I’m quoting you) … can’t I get a new role in this infinite act play … or will I always be SnagglePuss exiting stage left? Right?
I did hesitate … perhaps one milli-second … but the gravitational pull was too much … so I tiptoed through the tulips and here I am. Bolder than the last foray yet still tremulous … it’s tough to bear the moniker of the girl from Quebec in Toronto …
Deep breathe, big swallow and I move on … smiling somewhat (Cheshire Cat-like) at your words …” probably starting as a defense mechanism but becoming just habit as I feel less need for defense mechanisms than I ever have in this life …”
Oh I get it … I’ve been sent here to test that statement (hey I too get to play with my ego … though you are right … I was never dangerous really to anyone but myself and other people’s property … or something like that).
My newest little one says “seriously” all the time … as does my grand-daughter (yeah!! Amazing isn’t it?)
Back to your words … (bookmark: plea for continuance … thought I’d help you keep track of this ball of yarn) … you never mean to … you just do – that for me was always the mark of your honesty, consistency and wisdom. As always your most profound profundity escapes when you’re not really paying attention … (ego always had / has? a way of diluting your pearls) …
Did you actually write that – “maybe i still do trust words much more deeply than I let on” …?????? Give your head a shake … of course you do!! It’s just the humans who utter them, more often than not, can’t be trusted to honour them. But the words and the sentiments are always true … I’ve always thought that’s why you live on paper … online … because in the written gardens, emails, letters and online babblings … there IS honesty and truth and justice for all … but it gets lonely …
… but we’ve talked about all this before … do we really want to start all over again? I do. The destructive forces have been laid to rest … and I trust the ocean currents that carried me here. Were you to excommunicate me and banish me and mine … I could handle that … for if nothing else it would be the closure of the circle (needless to say, my littlest one always hoped that this was more of a never-ending spiral … like a spring … the ones you find in pens) …
Time is Telling … I don’t make promises anymore … I have broken far too many!
So dear friend, enemy, lover, muse, prophet … superman … what gave me away? Did you know the minute you saw “Anonymous” ? Do I still sound the same? Leave the same after taste? … just wondering ….
Back to your words … the “junkie surviving without his heroine” … I missed that the first and second time I read the words … pretty clever. Suspend disbelief for a second and know that upon landing in Wonderland and re-visiting the Gardens … my first instinct (which I followed) was to read “First of December” … (I apologize for any sacrilege the following words may be … but it felt like stopping at a “gravestone” to pay respects …)
Wow amidst the “superficial” and “innocuous” … the barracuda still lives … and so innocently and nonchalantly says “ … I’d love to hear your version of the whys and wherefores …” (drum roll please) …
…. And the Coy One replies … “ … would you?” … seriously, that’s probably why I’m here … my mission should I choose to accept it … somewhere over the rainbow …
Circles? Why not spirals … or spirograph (did you ever play with one of those?) Though I find it hard to see the attraction anymore … I can remember spending hours with multi-coloured pens creating loop after loop after loop … I particularly liked it when the smallest geared circle would draw something very similar to a flower in the middle of the design …
… now my children … were I to have handed them a Spirograph would have laughed at me and asked me how high the fever was!!
Ah … I was hoping you would know better … these far too human lips might utter untruths and inconsistencies and hurtful shit … BUT … these eyes and this heart have always been a sucker for your words. And read I have … far more titles than I listed. The cautionary note is that though I read many words / poems / titles … I only began to “feel” the titles that were listed … big difference.
I may actually be wisened enough to be an editor one day … which was, despite all the twists and turns and bad decisions and good decisions and nondecisions and wafflings my ultimate goal. I simply let ego believe that I needed to compete for the gold … ‘twas not for me … the one I was never meant to be …
Side note: “the day the music died” … I was arrogant enough to believe in the past that I understood that line, that thought, that feeling … and I may yet to be in a place to truly empathize … however … music discovered through and with you … Elton John – Made in England … for example … I’ve been unable, unwilling to listen to for all these years … (and yes I do understand that you actually physically lost your music … but there is a similarity here … however slight …)
It’s a scary thought … that someone as scared, cruel and inconsistent as I was … was given such an exalted status (power must have gone to my head) … I had made the connection with “Empty heads / mouths” …when I read the words (you know how my ego has always been rather attracted to martyrdom or whatever psychological term best exemplifies my faults, patterns, slips …)
… “I do believe in spooks, I do, I do” …
I never did get the blessing as an illusion thing … though I realize I don’t need your blessing (I did pop into here unannounced and anonymous and chose to stay and play and distract) … I want your blessing … not the illusion …
In truth I wanted to hear “… welcome back … it sure took you long enough!” … you know like the prodigal son/daughter/scarecrow … (I know, I know ) … squirrels are pretty flighty … gotta approach them with care … they can bite or more than likely scamper away again …
Am I making any sense? Does it matter? It’s all relative isn’t it …
So I leave you today … with a few lyrics from my all-time favorite song …
“I don’t get many things right the first time .. In fact I am told that a lot … now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and fall … brought me here”
“What if I’d been born fifty years before you? … in a house on the street where you lived? Maybe I’d be outside as you passed on your bike … Would I know?”
“And in a white sea of eyes … I see one pair that I recognize … and I know”
It’s always been about the eyes …
Now ... get yourself a new home, new job ... whatever it is you need ... I can wait for us to spiral and close ... or whatever is meant to be will be ...
Thank you for the time ... the words ... the caring. Thank you for being you!
Your words are my addiction but your voice and spirit are eternal.
Brother, father, sister, uncle, son ... whichever family member you truly are ... thank you for "coming home" for if nothing but a few minutes ...
And the circle begins ... Oh little playmate Come out and play with me. And bring your dollies three. Climb up my apple tree. Slide down my rain barrel. Into my cellar door ...
Until ... again!
let me spell this out for you:
!!!! TOO BAD SHE'S UGLY !!!!
or
get a sex change?
nyuk, nyuk, niet!
2oo9 is the year of dashensia.
why mikey, did i sense a genuine chuckle in there, maybe even a bit of laughter?... you remember laughter, right? (or does Led Zep have to ask it it between verses?... does anybody remember laughter?... ah, we all get so serious over time)...
ah, my loyal dependable loving (shhh, i won't tell) bro, no worries, but also, no dreams (not for the moment at least)... i actually did google sharp mesa vista and found it an interested, if expected experience... the one thing coporations do not do (or very rarely) is provide the most important information of all, a salary range... i understand it's all about the negotiation, but at least a range to respect the time of those prospective new corporate pawns, knights, castles, and bishops...
the other consideration too evident in this field is the requirement for paper roof pof ass-kissing, conformity, and repetitive redundancy... not the advanced education is a complete waste of time, but it is, at least in the health care field, given much more credibility and weight than experience (so the rookie with the right letters after their name who has no idea how to do the job can be the boss of the twenty year veteran who can do the job in his/her sleep and the veteran must spend years working his/her way up a ladder because those paper credentials are trusted way more than a resume, which is probably for the best since there are more false resumes out there than there are credible people, and say a prayer for the pretender)... and i, for better or worse, am the veteran in that equation...
i will see if the phone is not so scary later (amazing how inanimate objects take on such a powerful life of their own sometimes... so happy to report no a moment of hesitation in recent days, which is saying so much more than it is saying, but that's another comment) and slip your number into it before it's looking (or before i notice)... actually, you are in there... i appreciate the note though, you rarely request anything and i place reverence on the few times you do...
and for the moment, i leave you and me and all of us children of the universe with the following philosophical message:
now remember to smile when you show your fangs
no matter how sharp or hungry you are
and when pissing in a pool someone else dug
remember you are going too far
maybe you want someone to piss on you
but you don't want to do it yourself
so you ask somebody else
in a roundabout way
like a game children play
do you hear what i say
you can leave the remains of your day on someone's lawn
in a convoluted way to earn their scorn
why should you be the only one who is sorry you were born
when you have no hope to be anything other than torn
but a self-fulfilling prophesy
that is full of negativity
is a nightmare i don't want to see
now you know why i sometimes turn away...
when you look at me
oh misery
how i wish you would believe in honest love
no matter how hurt or broken you are
and when striking out as if someone else knows
what you are really asking for
remember you are choosing to fail
maybe you are lost in a cloud of confusion
and you don't even know yourself
so you ask somebody else
in an opposite way
like a game children play
do you hear what i say
you can leave the remains of your day on someone's lawn
in a convoluted way to earn their scorn
why should you be the only one who is sorry you were born
when you have no hope to be anything other than torn
but a self-fulfilling prophesy
that is full of negativity
is a nightmare i don't want to see
now you know why i sometimes turn away...
when you look at me
oh, oh, oh...
misery
how can i express my hope for you
when you won't accept my love
how can i begin to help you out
when hurt is all you can dream of
how can i impress this thought on you
there is more to life than pain
and you deserve to see both sides
the sun shines above the rain
maybe someday you will hear a song that's been playing for years
all you need to do is open your eyes to see the rainbows...
through your tears
you can see rainbows...
through your tears
come on you can find the raibpows
you know they're out there
and you can see rainbows...
through your tears
make a self-fulfilling prophesy
that is full of positivity
that is the dream i hope to see
and now you know why i stay...
when you look at me
send misery away
can you look at me
and send misery away
please look at me
and send misery away
wow, somethings are never quite over no matter how many fat ladies sing, aye?... and the rhymes are never too far away, even when they seem to be, but it feels sweet to find that when requested, they can pop out so easily... thank you Toronto, Orlando, New York, and Sunrise (the first four places I'd hope that song is performed if the music could be found)... hopefully the people of Missouri won't misunderstand and take offense :)
i should probably get to work, but, balance is the best way to maximum efficiency and optimal productivity, so... there may be a bit more writing to do...
dear anonymous,
i am kinda of a bit way behind on my correspondence, my journalling, my babbling, my rhyming, and myself, no less the world out there and others and you... i will find time to respond... maybe soon... until then, you'll just have to settle for the brevity... oh, and the little email i sent last night...
sincy,
ricatwork
dear ricatwork,
Brevity is fine ... rhyming is better and little emails are (god forbid) exactly what I asked for :P
when people worry about you, you call them back, especially late late in the night when they can't sleep.
otherwise the bullshit about being heard is nothing but a rationalizing on your part that partyin' hard in old age is actually enjoyin' life and not just running away from the reality of IT.
don't get hussl'ed, bro.
Yeah, ditto what he said, yeah, him, up there...
i called, i did, both of ya :)
i got home four am or so and realized i had 6 hours of softball sunday so sleep came quickly, but then the phone rang, the on-call phone, early this morning so i didn't get sleep and two involuntary admissions later i missed the morning softball and was an hour late for the afternoon and frustration comes with being an on-call professional in health care... if only i was still impressed with the importance of it all (but still i can giggle at my self-mocking ways)...
and now i am nodding off...
night nite :)
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