heat exhaustion
it almost happened to me today, in fact, ot might have, actually, denial doesn't work well so to the best of my medical knowledge, it did happen to me today... four or more hours in the blistering sun playing softball and in spite of more than a half gallon of fluids including that g2 tiger drink and water and vitamins, the heat was brutal and cooling down became nearly impossible...
a cold drink of rain juice helped a lot, as did sitting in the the air conditioner in the car... so when i got home i drank another 40 or so ounces of cold water and sat down and felt much more cool and so i took a nnap before going out tonight to the planetarium with thirty or so people, a half dozen or so who are becoming friends, though in the social sense and not in the intimate sense, if you know what i mean...
and i woke from the nap in time to go to the Planetarium, but not in time to go to dinner with the group, so i went to dinner with Rasputin after the show and so it is now about 2am and the insanity is tomorrow... 7am starts the day of the softball tournament with a five game guarantee, meaning i'll be pitching at least five games... i must get some sleep... and take ice and a cooler for cold drinks...
so i shall close my eyes and see if the brain is ready for sleep now... the body certainly is, but the brain hungers for so much more... not that the body doesn't hunger too, but it is so much easier to burn out the body and bring it to blissful fatigue than it is to do that to the brain...
who cares, really...
i mean, why bother babbling on out here like this... well, as if we did not know, this is all for the one who cares to read it all... the one who cares enough to take the time... the one who wants to know... there've been a few so compelled who have told me so and we shared some amazing (and explosive) times in this live... and the words continue for them and for anyone else who might be... or even just interested...
so... sunblock... and i bought some other stuff tonight... hat... headband... wristbands... crazy glue to fix my sunglasses... facial sunblock... and other stuff... fascinating details, huh?... i'll tell you what else was in the bag of stuff i bought another time when i remember if i remember to tell you... thanks for being here...
nite nite :)
a cold drink of rain juice helped a lot, as did sitting in the the air conditioner in the car... so when i got home i drank another 40 or so ounces of cold water and sat down and felt much more cool and so i took a nnap before going out tonight to the planetarium with thirty or so people, a half dozen or so who are becoming friends, though in the social sense and not in the intimate sense, if you know what i mean...
and i woke from the nap in time to go to the Planetarium, but not in time to go to dinner with the group, so i went to dinner with Rasputin after the show and so it is now about 2am and the insanity is tomorrow... 7am starts the day of the softball tournament with a five game guarantee, meaning i'll be pitching at least five games... i must get some sleep... and take ice and a cooler for cold drinks...
so i shall close my eyes and see if the brain is ready for sleep now... the body certainly is, but the brain hungers for so much more... not that the body doesn't hunger too, but it is so much easier to burn out the body and bring it to blissful fatigue than it is to do that to the brain...
who cares, really...
i mean, why bother babbling on out here like this... well, as if we did not know, this is all for the one who cares to read it all... the one who cares enough to take the time... the one who wants to know... there've been a few so compelled who have told me so and we shared some amazing (and explosive) times in this live... and the words continue for them and for anyone else who might be... or even just interested...
so... sunblock... and i bought some other stuff tonight... hat... headband... wristbands... crazy glue to fix my sunglasses... facial sunblock... and other stuff... fascinating details, huh?... i'll tell you what else was in the bag of stuff i bought another time when i remember if i remember to tell you... thanks for being here...
nite nite :)
Labels: babble, blogs, busy, dreams, heart, heat, hope, lam, meetup, mtmm, smile, softball, sports
posted by candoor at 1:32 AM
17 Comments:
we interrupt this program for telecom talk.
is the new iPhone on the formerly cingular now at&t 3G worth it over the htc/tilt billy b0rg os-ed celly?
is deutsche telekom myFaves worth it over overpriced 3GPS feature:z?
do talk celly talk, because lappy talk we've had enough over the last year.
fuck dell, right?
fuck microsoft? ORLY? even after bill went to work for melinda and their vaccination empire?
everybody say: autiZm!
life stroke!
lol Candoor - heat exahaustion
Is that something like exhaust heat?
i wrote a comment, it was eaten... i will try to post another...
i dunno...
i am saving my pennies to pay for the move and probably have higher monthly bil;ls than i am used to and maybe see myself having to tap into savings or else have to compromise on another roommate gamble so i don't have money to explore those toys...
i won't even have a tv or furniture unless i take the roommate compromise, but then it won't be my living room or tv in i move into someone else's space, so...
woe is me, alas and all, life is expensive...
i still want a new laptop though...
yeah, i'm still incorrigible too...
so which one to buy... they all seem the same now, except maybe the three or four times more expensive Mac...
dell is cheap...
maybe i'll see what i can buy at the local put it together yourself shop around here...
unprecedented power and money are easy to see as evil, or at least insensitive, cuz after all, strangers are insensitive and public people are just strangers we see and hear about a lot so we kind of get the feeling we know them and then can feel offended when they act like what they are, strangers... the nature of the celebrity culture...
so much fun from both sides now...
welcome maxwell, love the life :)
yeah, feels like living in exhaust heat at times... florida in august, just like sucking on an exhaust pipe, only not as much carbon monoxide...
thanks for stopping by... i'll sleep now and tomorrow, start all over again :)
i gots teh iPhone 3G - i must say: BRILLIANCE.
now if i can plug a keyboard into it and hook up my OLED ray ban:z via blootooth, i'll be like, ummm, coming to a device near you from like anywhere.
woohoot, i saw a billboard for birch aquarium, it said:
"We're always HD (hi-def) here!"
tell that to q9 who still believes the human brain is slower than his motherfucking video card.
baaaahahahahaahaaaaa, i thought of his villa fondly and i posted 3 youtubes to put his blog out of its misery.
chill and write a post about how long the humAn BEing can go without sleep without losing 1 cookie.
mB)
just saying hello
hello :)
more cookies!
yeah, i know, self-pity and procrastination won't get me a new place to live... i just need to find time to start looking (and i'm only a full week behind at work... majorly terrible timing, all around... still not quite sure just how or when i will find a place... might end up storing the stuff and taking a weekly motel room... or I could just keep talking in circles wandering the streets again)...
oh, the drama... seems like old times... i think the fifth season of Queer as Folk is rubbing off on me (pun totally seen coming... that one too)...
someday i just may take it all seriously again, but i guess that won't be today...
nite nite :)
hello and thank you and hello :)
before you eat at the back of sushi restaurants at closing again, the housing market is crashing and burning enough that i may soon afford something with a guest apartment.
since my dad refuses to come and says he'd rather die at home than on shitty deserty cali soil, i will rent to you for [insert evyl dr. pinky in the corner of my mouth] 3o,ooo pennies a month.
then of course, there are tons of jobs [for which you are well overqualified] at sharp mesa vista.
i keep waiting on j.lo to mop your steamy forehead with a rag dipped in lemmon grass icy water, but she's too busy being "firm" for her blog following.
in other nooz, tell me something that's news, here's a conspiracy theory perpetrated by the last psychiatrist dot com:
1. McCain may drop out of the race-- running mate Romney to continue?
2. Oil prices were pushed higher (Iran/Israel tensions, etc) by a concerted government effort to generate oil revenues for Iraq, promote greater stability so as to allow partial withdrawal of troops before election; and a subsequent reduction of oil prices to erase them as a campaign issue. Both Iran and Israel were in on the plan.
i think j.lo should start sanitizing the jonas brothers!
August 8, 2008
Craig Ferguson, The Jonas Brothers, and Katy Perry
This is what 46 year old Scottish late night TV host Craig Ferguson said Tuesday night:
The Jonas Brothers... I'm sure they're fine young kids, and their music's not for me, it's for young people, I understand that, but my point is-- they're kind of too clean. With the purity rings, symbolizing that you're saving yourself for marriage. Now, I'm thinking-- what kind of a rock star is this? What kind of a rock star is this?...
It makes me a little uncomfortable, it's a little sinister to me, when the teenage rebellion is controlled and sanitized by a big corporation. There has to be some rebellion, or else it's not rock and roll.
Ferguson was in a Scottish punk band, was a drug addict, almost suicided and is now clean-- and strong enough to make nightly jokes about using drugs and still not relapse. Rock and roll cred established.
What's he saying? He defines rock and roll as rebellion; now, and now laments is a genre.
You might say that actually, the Jonas Brothers are rebellion because they are rebelling against the established credo of rock and roll (sex, drugs, etc), but that's a ruse as well, they aren't the ones rebelling; they were selected by an industry that is trying to change it's image.
To illustrate this, take a look at the other promise ring wearer, Katy Perry, whose song, "I Kissed A Girl" has disturbed me for a long time, disturbed me because it is so not disturbing.
In case you don't have kids or contracted rubella as a fetus, here's the chorus:
I kissed the girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chapstick
I kissed a girl just to try it
Hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it
That's as raunchy as it gets. Anyone who lived through the bicurious 90s knows that this kind of "kissing the girl" is about boys. It's about being sexy for boys, even if the boy doesn't know you did it, you still feel you are even more attractive to them. But this is by no means cutting edge material.
I will grant you that the song is technically, and artistically, more brilliant than anything by Coldplay. Ok, you got me there.
Yet the song is everywhere, not just pop song everywhere, but everywhere everywhere. Here are three news media outlets that have no business writing about music, writing about her. And always the topic is sexuality, as if she's opening (or closing) doors or something.
I had a huge argument with a friend about that song. My position was that such a benign song-- this is old news-- has a popularity that cannot be explained by the seemingly relevant topic of kissing a girl, there must be something else to it. Why would the music industry choose to push this specific song, so much?
His position was that it was MTV et al, targeting the older people, the ex-MTV generation-- e.g. me-- trying to entice them back with songs that play on their (unfulfilled) fantasies. "Why else would they be in lingerie? Young guys don't care about lingerie, unless it's a thong. They're programming to the older crowd."
Maybe, but why this song? Why not a million other more risque songs?
So here is this not at all provocative video, completely old news to anyone 21-45, yet it is everywhere. Go ahead and watch it, tell me why. No nudity. She's pretty, but come on, she's no Taylor Swift. Song is catchy, but again...
I call your attention to the last five seconds of the video. In the final scene, she wakes up next to her sleeping boyfriend. Ooohh-- is he going to find out how naughty she is? Will he be jealous or turned on? Is it fantasy or real?
Here's the thing. Her boyfriend in the video is black.
If that realization doesn't have any impact on you at all, you are my point. You may be so progressive that you don't even notice race, but I can assure you race is still a gigantic issue, for both races.
We have a scenario where two maybe-sort-of taboos are present in a video, but one is highlighted as a real taboo, and the other as completely and utterly ordinary, meriting no comment or explanation. I'm pretty sure depending where you live in America, you'll either agree or disagree with her hierarchy.
In all the Katy Perry discussions, blogs, and articles, no one noticed the race issue, no one thought to mention it, nothing. What they went all Manchurian Candidate about was that she kissed a girl.
"Well, maybe that's what she believes." She doesn't have anything to do with it. She didn't make a video, then go Jet Li the MTV program director's office door, slap him in the face with the reel, and say, "This is f-ing awesome, play this!" "oh-oh-oh right away Mrs. Perry! Right away!"
The video was directed, manufactured. The guy in her bed isn't random, they selected an actor. It wasn't accidental he was black, they picked him because he was black. Indeed, he's DJ Skeet Skeet, a friend of her real life black rapper/boyfriend Travis McCoy. Nothing here is random; even her name, Katy Perry, was selected because her real name, Katy Hudson, risked confusing her with Kate Hudson. She changed her name to differentiate herself from someone else. They are constructing an image, they are telling you a story.
So what's happening here is that MTV isn't saying, "wow, this is so shockingly sexy, she kissed a girl." MTV is actually resetting the culture, it is telling you, telling a generation of kids, that kissing a girl is shocking and sexy.
"But it isn't shocking, you can't simply declare that it is. Much more shocking porn is everywhere." Actually, that's the genius of this. Reconstruct adolescent sexuality to the old days of maybe you catch a glimpse of a worn and melted Playboy down by the creek. Online porn saturates, overloads, it stops becoming arousing and starts getting frustrating, "where the hell is the exact pic I need to get off?"
MTV can't compete with that. Music can't compete with that. In your face, up yours, all that. Those vibes are now elsewhere.
So it's recreating a niche by recreating a culture. Clean, sober, and hip-hop light.
So that when you turn the amp up just a little, it catches everyone's attention. "Holy crap! She kissed a girl!"
I'm not sure if I should be appalled that sexuality has been commandeered by MTV et al, or I should just be relieved they're pushing popcorn not penetration.
Back to the Craig Ferguson. The music industry has to make good boys cool because there's a glut of bad boys everywhere else, and MTV and the music industry can't compete. Sex is no longer cool. What's cool now? Status. Narcissism. Rich is the new porn.
But poor Craig Ferguson. He makes the point that rock and roll is supposed to be about rebellion-- theoretically getting a big inaudible cheer from the teenagers-- "this guy may be old, but at least he gets it!" But he doesn't. That cheer came from his viewers-- who have an average age of 50. He's talking to a bunch of old guys, people who still think Smoke on The Water meant something.
For some reason, this reminds me of those mmmbop Hansons. Why do certain songs take off the way they do...
Remember Corey Hart wearing his sunglasses at night?
And then, for more mixing races controversy
http://tinyurl.com/2f8fpk
holy freeholies!... I am taking the day off to ponder... i shall return momentarily... most likely before you wake to read this comment, so this comment is most moot, but still, first reactions and all are meaningful if we care enough to give the very best, or just choose to pay attention to detail and have the, or rather, make the time to...
yeah, so that's the way it is, today, august 12, 2008...
so far, at least...
Softball, heat stroke or life stroke (take your pick) ... and then ... moving worries, financial woes ...
In French there's a saying: Plus ca change, plus c'est pareil
Lives are much more like soap operas than we care to admit ... I'd tuned out from "The Edge of Candor" for a handful of years now ... and wouldn't you know it, I've been able to pick up the threads as though I'd never stopped watching (well... almost)
Now that's seriously irreverant!
Cheers!
yay for whomever you might be for tuning back into my own personal soap opera (if but for a moment)... a handful of years, wow, so back in to Dland days?... you know my curiosity is going to bounce off the walls for a while until you call or write and let me know who you are :)
meanwhile, i've been responding to the comments above yours and that is what is coming next...
thanks for checking in, where can i check in on you? (wanna come over for some chocolate creme pie? :)
this comment, if it is cut off, will be the next blog post (or few)... so there, and here, and now...
curiously refreshingly absurdly annoying, kind of in the way antiseptic mouthwash feels when you hold it in your mouth for more than thirty seconds and then swish again, expecting who knows what, but only getting a warm swish of meaningless liquid (and maybe a little trickle down your throat) instead of the refreshing tingle promised by the tv ads...
i am taking today off to ponder my navel...
meanwhile, to your mafnifiscent comment, or magnificent, even, where does craig fergie stop and you start?... i mean, there's good rant in there and i am not sure who is ranting when... is it mostly you about him or mostly him about rock and roll or a mixer of the two?...
piece by piece...
i have not been online in more than a week and not browsed around in about a month, maybe more, which puts me quite out of the loop and while i partially apologize for the lack of attention i give my favorite people, the majority of whom visit me right here, i am somewhat on autopilot simultaneously trusting my instincts while mostly disregarding myself or anyone like me as i plod ahead day after day building a statistical empire much bigger than anyone wants or needs in my current daily reality simply because i love to play with numbers and have some odd fantasy that it is going to turn out to be something amazing, but that is the amusing rub, what's the point of amazing if nobody cares or even more ironic, if nobody gets it...
besides the work play, the evenings are an almost non-stop merry-go-round of social buzz and distraction saturated with sweaty softball hours at least three times a week that provides wonderful distraction from the brain stuff that keeps me offline and out of the words, but that's not enough, there is the food stuff stuffed into and out of orificial fountains of organize mush that provides hormonal distractions and orgasms to the synapses further providing allusions to illusions of grandiour and typofied purification of decadence and splendor in the grass hardly recognizable due to the muddy puddles everything becomes as the hard rains gonna fall (before the deluge that washes everything clean and clear so that sparkling understanding can emerge to dominate the landscape like a twinkle in the eye of an irresistible lover or an adorable child)...
all that to say (in three part hamony, and harmony only an egocentric mother could love, i have much catching up on myself and you to do if i am ever going to feel part of this online world again, no less imagine the illusion of actually being part of our offline sharings that may or may not have happened or will happen cuz we have faith and sort of want them to...
show me the money (shouts an arrogant and insecure voice from somewhere in the back of my mind as i contemplate the possibility of moving to so cal for a more serious moment)... a phone call from a scammer or recruiter just last week offered a starting $88G (or is that $88K) for me and my credentials with the scale rising into six figures depending on experience and such and such... i would easily settle for a lot less in the right place and time, but to have enough to be independent (as in not have to have an unbelievable low rent to survive) would be the point of changing jobs and locations at this point cuz the last thing i need is to be out on the street again which is why i am playing the happy idiot and saving my pennies for some feable imitation of retirement which will hopefully be in an RV mobile on the street yet still comfortable as a happy compromise...
i digress grossly from wherever i began to respond to your comment, but then, this is to be expected as i have been away for so long and naturally, this is a blog post from the anals of btc much more than a comment response that tests our wherewithall to find the response amidst the ashes of burning synapses pouring words into the little white box that threatens to choke and spew them into the ether and hence, oblivion calls once again...
start again, then, without paper and pen, but still in time, with a simple rhyme, for pantomime is a crime for the blind if communication is the goal (baby got soul)…
so to start with the thought of moving to so cal, your offer is appealing, though dependency is not, even for a little while, so my first thought is the reality of the job market and that leads to the reality of my credentials and potentials (two poles of professional prognosis) so i ponder without enough facts to ascertain a conclusion what minimum salary would i require to be comfortable happy (which includes the illusion of being securely independent) in the land of sun and fun… and so i imagine that housing costs doubled, i would like to see at least $60K and be much happier much higher… using my non-existent degree in accountology, i provide $1500 x 12 for rental, being $18000 annually, which would be much wiser put into a mortgage if i could get one, adding $700 x 12, being $8400 annually, for utilities, cables, internets, cell phones, gasohol, and the other sundries added on to rentals or mortgages, leaving approximately just under $10000 annually for life expenses including clothing allowance and food stuffs and entertainment and gifting and fun and perchance, savings so i might not have to work a full time job until the day the body says no more… of course any part of the equations that can be reduced would be extra fun or savings $, which would be super ideal…
perhaps i will venture on to some recruiting type job sites for your area later today as this just might turn into a day of dreams, or at least a day to explore, however briefly and superficially, the possibilities that may still be somewhat infinite as the mind opens the door to the potential for change once again before i sign another 12 month lease and sit the possibilities on a shelf for another year… did i leave out at least $5K in moving expenses, sure i did, but then, i also left out the $1700 for annual storage costs that would be put toward rental/mortgage provided the garage could hold all the stuff until i unpacked and sorted and sold…
today i dream, tomorrow i rent, and on the third day return to work…
yes, i am on a sick day and intend to do the same tomorrow because i realized yesterday that the stress level of having absolutely no plan for moving in 18 days has risen to the point of distraction, however slight, and it is time to actually make the time to look around and find somewhere to live as i will not have one in 18 days cuz the lease runs out on this apartment… there are many opportunities from renting a room in someone's house for $400ish to renting a one bedroom from $700ish to renting a 2 bedroom from $800ish to living in an efficiency motel for $900ish so i will not be on the street or in my car unless i drag my feet and decide the car is better than the $30ish per day efficiency idea, but if i do not make the time to actually look past the listing on the internet, i will not have any such opportunities so i take today and tomorrow, suddenly, to venture out… at least that's the plan for tomorrow… today i have some internal pondering to do first…
was i responding to your comments?...
yes, so, all light fantasies aside, until i take a serious look at the job market, long distance relocation is extremely doubtful… I took a look at the Sharp hospital you mentioned and while there are several positions there i can easily do, unfortunately, the lack of BSN or Masters degree would keep me out of the eligible pool of candidates… I can get away without it here because my hospital is not med-surg and because i've proven my skills for almost eight years and they can lower their credentialing standards to save $ on salary… i've yet to find a regular med-surg hospitals that does not require a BSN or MA/MS for my current position… and since the pay scale is not listed on their site, i cannot guess at whether the lower level positions pay enough for the costs out there… if a pay scale was available somewhere, that would make the concept much more a real possibility for me…
but to search, i need a location… which zip codes would i really want to live in? 92101San Diego 92102San Diego 92103San Diego 92104San Diego 92105San Diego 92106San Diego 92107San Diego 92108San Diego 92109San Diego 92110San Diego 92111San Diego 92113San Diego 92114San Diego 92115San Diego 92116San Diego 92117San Diego 92119San Diego 92120San Diego 92121San Diego 92122San Diego 92123San Diego 92124San Diego 92126San Diego 92127San Diego 92128San Diego 92129San Diego 92130San Diego 92131San Diego 92132San Diego 92134San Diego 92136San Diego 92139San Diego 92140San Diego 92145San Diego 92147San Diego 92152San Diego 92154San Diego 92155San Diego 92182San Diego 92197San Diego 92199San Diego…
ok, i did an hour of research and found that to live semi-comfortable (where i am at now) i would need a minimum salary of $65K in SD… mostly cuz housing is 125% above the national average and Orlando is right at the national average… my $1500 estimate above may have been low… while i still have not found actual salary charts, my best guess is i would not quality for much above $50 out there and maybe not that much… so… short of trying to live on the beach or being dependant on someone else, it is out of my price range unless i decide to go into debt paying for a degree and then decide that i want to spend the senior years of this life rwrestling in the grips of corporate bureaucracy… prognosis: dim…
and somehow the SCAM SPAM salary site i went searching on took over my browser and shut all 30 other tabs and that pisses me off as i had a whole lot of in-progress stuff going on in the other tabs, so the search process is over for now… a perfect example of the bullshit business practices in corporate america and how it sucks because there is no caring about people or anything but the profit margin and i want no part of the game…
back to the thoughts of moving, realistically, i have waited too long to make such a search or decision before this lease runs out, so odds are i will sign a lease here for another year as neither the job search nor the place to live is any sort of reality before the lease expires… wisdom strongly urges me to settle in here for another two years, spend the fortune on getting the MS degree, and then taking a leap… on the other hand, working in corporate hospitals at the director or VP level would be a nightmare on many levels… i am 99.9% certain that being rich is not worth the commitment to the lifestyle for me…
now, to your other comment (the one with the fun in it)…
my brow has a mop of it's on atop my head and my independent streak is growing by the mile these days, so taking care of me would mean having to catch me first and i doubt anyone could at this point in the journey through this life… for better or worse, the cynic is very much at the wheel and compromise is virtually out the window… for now…
the politics bore me… and i knew the oil price scam many years ago and predicted the drop in prices for aug-nov of this year long ago as well… it is not a conspiracy theory as much as obvious awareness of how business works… oil people run the country these days, so they set the prices for their own gain and agenda… whether it'll fool enough people into voting republican again is to be seen, but it's likely, again, to be a much closer race than it would be without the financial manipulations… locke, burke, and other sociologists knew long ago that money makes the world go round… people just don't read them much…
i have not heard anything by any of the musical people you mentioned, which is, i imagine, to my credit… when pop culture catches up with the likes of Say Anything and Manchester Orchestra and Meg & Dia then I might be with it… I find Craig Fergie oddly amusing at times, the little i've viewed him… so what's all this about pop music culture anyway?...
how much of the comment is an article and where is the article from?...
ok, never mind, i found the last psychiatrist and he explained everything to me… and i've spent three hours on this comment response blog entry already with all the searching and self-educating i've done so far this morning… i really must get back to the self-time i took the day off to have (since my roommies will be awake soon taking the quiet and private moments with them) and then get to this moving thing… find the right place, pay for it, and the deal is settled and no more stress… that's the ticket… if only it was cheaper to get there from here, wherever there might be…
i did listen to the Japanese orchestral version of Smoke on the Water which was even more oddly amusing than Craig Fergie, but then, i didn't have drugs which would have likely made it much less odd and much more amusing…
i can only imagine how weird it might be to be a kid these days, especially a middle class kid in the midst of the corporate America sales pitch that makes the old peer pressure past generations had to deal with look like fluff and powder and as easy to blow off as the next P.E. test… how out of it i would be if i was me growing up these days… where is the depth, the meaning, the point other than let's all bow down and become part of the next great religion, the music industry, which of course is being swallowed by the original fear-based religions more and more each day…
follow the herd and you won't feel lonely
follow the herd and you'll be alright
follow the herd and you won't get trampled
haven't hear heard... you get the word tonight
more some other time, i suppose, when i have more free time for anachronistic commentary.. for now, back to your comment, i just listened to a couple of jonas bros songs and find myself wondering why… maybe there's more better but initial listening says been there done that bring back the monkees or even the backstreet Boys, though they never moved me much either and the monkees were never much more than a novelty (granted, a fun novelty i can still share with others who know their songs well, but still not music that matters… then again, a lot of the beatles fits that novelty level of music too, but then, there's so much more)…
and then i listened to Sorry and woke up from my aging stupor and remember what music is supposed to be, a personal emotional message, and i apologize to the kid in me for becoming my father's generation for that moment or few… the power of cynicism commands me, aye?... and it is powerful today… it convinced me to take the day off (cynicism, not the jonas bros, though i might listen a bit more… heck, i might listen a bit more to the backstreet boys when cynicism shuts up (ah, to recall the days of wine and giggles as we fell softly into the tall grass to roll about and watch the shapes of the clouds change before our eyes… can the go-gos be far behind?... or, sigh, the beegees?... ooo, you're a holiday, and i say… run to me… on lonely days… with words… come first of may)…
where were we?... ah yes, the aging cynic shivers and cries out help me, i'm melting, cold cruel world… and we all know, it ain't easy being green… or brown, for that matter… but young or old, we all know what feels true when we feel it, unless we don't feel (cue 90% of humans, at least, but that's the point the cynic jabs at us all the time, so let's see where else we can go now), so i thank you for the jonas bros mention as i now have more music to explore (however superficially) and maybe even step into the pedophilic illusions that lead to bopping to the likes of the new wave of teen idols (still, have we recovered from Brittney and Christina and all the superficial glitter yet?... or perhaps avril's shallow cynicism might be more amusing… lady madonna, where have your girls gone?... all the lonely people… so what's new now?) …
I've not heard this Katy girl you mention, nor the other, so off to youtube i go again to give a listen (and a look)… first, Taylor Swift… the song is sad, but for me, shallow, and call me superficial, but she does not look like the brightest bulb in the box… she has that look that so many supposedly beautiful girls have, that this is me being vulnerable and innocent, but not actually real look… kind of barbie dollish... something about how the mouth stays open too much that gives me that impression… of course i could be wrong, but so far in life, i haven't been… did i tell you about my face-reading abilities lately?... or the voice, for that matter… depth is so rare these days… but seriously (as if i wasn't just), a bit too much conformist country for me, all about the boy and the assumption of god and co-dependency and the typical country song stuff… the stuff of beauty pageants and make up and the wink and nod of locker rooms and powder rooms and bashing the material world while cow-towing to and for it… the phony rebel bit of the typical country rocker never got me either… still, perfectly good heart is a sweet simple typically sad one that i can cry to in memories and invisible might touch me in those moments i forget how stupid wanting someone who does not want me really is (but then, the pretense that we have no control over our emotional choices is the bases of everything human in this world, so let's not suggest otherwise, after all, i've already casually slapped all the god-people in this paragraph… might have a pick-up truck on my tail, aye?)… the ballads sometimes get me cuz i am still a sucker for the sappy romances, but even then, where is originality and creativity these days?... and i heart question mark could be amusingly entertaining in the right mood, so ok, there is a bit of a country boy in me when there's a bit of music in the music… after all, i love john denver (keep laughing, that's the point… wait, did i say that?... oh the layers that could be peeled now… but who has the time)… and as much as i love eyes, well, beautiful eyes might get listened to again, if just to catch the lyrics… and wait, she's the umbrella girl… i actually like that song already… a little too breathy, but i like the lyrics… so i wouldn't throw her out of bed after all…
yeah, so, continuing in our superficially shallow mockery of being superficially shallow, let's give a listen to Katy (but first, let's note that rhianna was the original umbrella girl, or so it seems… which version we like more depends on the kind of music we prefer, i suppose… neither is really my style, so… on to katy)… katy who?... ok, back to your comment to get the name… and i would have wondered if there was a relation to the famous perrys of rock had i not read she was actually a Hudson, any relation there?... oh, i do adore kate, as in goldie's daughter, but that's another wandering tour that would certainly pass through libido much more than this one does… so, back to katy?...
i like her sense of humor, but i wonder how much is her and how much are the writers and her handlers… maybe she'll get over the awkwardness i see in her videos and yes, i suspect that awkwardness was programmed or scripted into the act, but there's a difference between natural awkwardness (discomfort on stage) and scripted awkwardness and when the two meet, it's stiff and for me, less entertaining)… i definitely like her voice and choice of musical style more at first glance, but then, give me a versatile rocker voice over a dainty country voice any day… and a few of her songs will be listened to again, but one, i'm still breathing will probably nudge me over the edge of audio voyeur (those who just listen and do not invest) into buying the cd and if that didn't i think i'm ready just did… it just picked up my mood and inspired an inner smile and yes, even a yay… ah, the innocence lives…
meanwhile, between bipolar episodes, i give katy a thumbs up even if she becomes a popular teen icon… i might even toss linkages into this entry when and if i ever find time like i had in the nineties… oh, if only the internet was alive and kicking (and i was more connected) in the very early nineties, what a world i might have created here by now… so thank you for the inspiration to use the morning (five hours, holy shiiiish) of my impromptu day off for such frivolous endeavors… i think i'll need to fall in love much more than i am today to want to spend time with the hansons or other pop stars, though i remember cory and mr cougar-mellon (who always reminded me of carnegie-mellon, for some reason) too… i adore you for your words being here as i swing from cynical to hopeful to idealistic and back this morning… this was fun, in spite of the distractions of needing to house-hunt (well, living space) and the usual pulling at me today…
you may note that the whole issue of mixing races doesn't interest me… racists, large and small, can waste their energy on skin color and other differences in the human species from now until the end of time and i'll probably still be wondering why so many let fear rule their minds… all the many taboos…
follow the herd and you won't feel lonely
follow the herd and you'll never die
follow the herd and you won't get martyred
just don't realize… it's all a lie
and now, leaving the joy and tragedy of american pop music (cuz time is not on my side and i must do something about finding a place to live) and getting this comment/blog thing posted… it is a joy and a pleasure to almost be blogging again, than you for the inspiration and may all our xmases be bright…
I know that I should leave you to your work at hand and not add to the distractions you are creating and we are creating around you (reminder: find new home)... but I've been Montgomeried (bewitched) ...
... or maybe the devil made me do it ...
neither here nor there ...
... perhaps it's the voyeur in me ... the pull of deja vu. Like watching a rerun and still being foolish enough to hope that the ending will be different.
But I digress ... in all honesty, I'm awestruck (even though today the Cynic had far too much to say in my humble opinion). Why? you ask ... well simply because ...
of your consistency
leaving living decisions til the last moment because maybe the one will show up in 30 seconds or less and then the decision will still be shareable ...
but I could be wrong ... you know what they say about assumptions ...
and I've had lots of practice being an ass!
HeeHaw
wow, check the site twice in one day and find responses, suddenly, an anonymous regular?... well, if you need to be anonymous, so be it (I'll bounce off the walls more when i move into my new space... amazing how real life responsibilities but things in perspective, aye?)...
this blogspot blog does seem to have become the cynical years as i face the reality of humanity and as someone who knew me well once suggested, maybe i am destined to be alone in this life... but even when it shows less, hope that someone is where i am and can share the experience remains, even as i mock myself and stick my tongue out at human frailty... there are positivity on some of the other branches on the tree of madness on the right...
and speaking of right, you are right, i am me, same as i ever was, and you appear to know me, perhaps well...
ironically, you appear at a time of major flux and uncertainty and vulnerability in this life (feeling weak and wobbly, compared to the usual secure and confident egomaniac, that is), perhaps the most major flux since the nineties...
coincidence?... or do you just like me better when i am not quite at my secure best? :)
of course it could be just as you say, the more things change, the more they stay the same, no matter how much we might wish some things would change... sigh, alas, and all that jazz... so are you family? (you want irreverent seriousness? :)
ah, but as you astutely noted (and thank you for it), i gave the cynic the soapbox (and a bit of a pity party cuz it keeps the balance balanced) mostly because yesterday i got a 50 cent raise and an annual evaluation that was based on how much raise it would give me instead of how i actually do my job...
when i took the job, i agreed to half the raise i wanted (about $8000)... i agreed with the understanding that i would do about half the work... the understanding was that the other half would come in a year and i'd take the rest of the workload... well, i've gradually taken more and more of the workload, but the second raise has been put off for the last few weeks and now it's another two weeks before i get an answer... reality is the place is for-profit and pays a lot less than other hospitals so cynic says it figures...
in two weeks i will show my boss, the CEO, that i got a feeler call from a recruiter for a position close to $100,000 in Daytona Beach and see what he has to say...
of course by then i'll need to have come close to a decision about moving and signing a lease here will make taking a position out of town much less feasible...
so i wouldn't exactly call them financial woes or moving worries, just decisions and changes and changes as big as residence or job remind me that i am lonely (forget when i am busy with work and life as i've been for some time now - you can find my daily real life calendar online if you look around)... i apologize if my penchant for drama (and the cynic) gave a more desperate impression than it is...
and of course you are right, there's always hope and my decisions shall always leave room for last minute miracles cuz, well, life is much more fun that way (optimistic drama is my way, even if the cynic pops up now and then to vent some gas :)
and whether you know it or not, i love awestrucking people, especially when i am not trying...
I hope it didn't hurt :)
in all seriousness, being me is easy and fun and doesn't change much because i love the way i am most of the time... it's only when i get lonely for intimacy or start missing my lost musical roots (long sad story sprinkled throughout the older babbles online... then again, maybe not so long) that the poor me comes out a bit (or a lot, for a moment, but it's all a matter of perspective... i haven't actually been in the mostly dead gardens in quite some time, which is not necessarily a good thing, but there's still mostly balance, as precarious as ever)...
mostly i am offline having fun, softball three times a week (at least) and movies and shows and concerts and dinners... but the draw of writing calls me back now and then and the words flood into what you see here for me and the few who come and appreciate them...
it's great to have a few people in the world who care enough to stick around :)
and you are welcome to too :)
and now, off to watch a bit of TV cuz i happen to be home on a tuesday, first time in months, and the sci-fi humor of Eureka is on... hope life is smiling more than frowning in your world these days :)
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