how hope grows
reading john's blog inspired this:
we should all be arrested
based on our moral laws
the holiest religious man
preach a word that never was
cuz we do not actualize it
we pretend to be good
human beings are parasites
and i wish that i could
say "no, not me"
but i too am swallowed by apathy
living on the edge is the song that plays
shame is hardly felt these days
as connected as the world can be
with mass media and satellite tv
this story hardly made the news
nobody wants to walk in those shoes
i wish i could say, no, not me
but the truth is the truth
even if i don't want to see
we live the crime of apathy
the charge is: apathy
... and i know it's wrong...
... maybe someday i'll find the words to wake myself and everybody else up...
... maybe someday i'll even finish this song...
..
and then, reading janie's blog inspired it to grow a little to this:
ah, if only there was more time and bandwidth (and connection speed) i would visit more often these days, but traveling light (on a slow aircard) keeps me distant on the web... i used to have a 718 number, 102st st, 42nd st, caton, and a 212 number on e4th (positively, 4th) for a while too... memories...
thank you for shouting out for the cause...
thank you for providing visual manna in the wilderness of careless glitter...
thank you for slapping apathy in the face...
hope lives.
.
.
.
a friend just inspired me to think and the following words popped out... maybe somebody will take them and run with them, build on them, turn them into something more meaningful and powerful and ... words can be a force for change in the right hands...
my hands are busy juggling daily life these days (alas, and all that)... maybe i've learned to enjoy the irony of self-mockery too much :}
for what it's worth...
we should all be arrested
based on our moral laws
the holiest religious man
preach a word that never was
cuz we do not actualize it
we pretend to be good
human beings are parasites
and i wish that i could
say "no, not me"
but i too am swallowed by apathy
complacency
re-history
living on the edge is the song that plays
shame is hardly felt these days
as connected as the world can be
with mass media and satellite tv
this story hardly made the news
nobody wants to walk in those shoes
i wish i could say, no, not me
but the truth is the truth
even if i don't want to see
we live the crime of apathy
the charge is: apathy
... and i know it's wrong...
... maybe someday i'll find the words to wake myself and everybody else up...
... maybe someday i'll even finish this song...
damned ADHD
and well i wonder... yes i wonder... is laughing at myself for this so wrong?
when deep inside i still can sing this song
based on our moral laws
the holiest religious man
preach a word that never was
cuz we do not actualize it
we pretend to be good
human beings are parasites
and i wish that i could
say "no, not me"
but i too am swallowed by apathy
living on the edge is the song that plays
shame is hardly felt these days
as connected as the world can be
with mass media and satellite tv
this story hardly made the news
nobody wants to walk in those shoes
i wish i could say, no, not me
but the truth is the truth
even if i don't want to see
we live the crime of apathy
the charge is: apathy
... and i know it's wrong...
... maybe someday i'll find the words to wake myself and everybody else up...
... maybe someday i'll even finish this song...
..
and then, reading janie's blog inspired it to grow a little to this:
ah, if only there was more time and bandwidth (and connection speed) i would visit more often these days, but traveling light (on a slow aircard) keeps me distant on the web... i used to have a 718 number, 102st st, 42nd st, caton, and a 212 number on e4th (positively, 4th) for a while too... memories...
thank you for shouting out for the cause...
thank you for providing visual manna in the wilderness of careless glitter...
thank you for slapping apathy in the face...
hope lives.
.
.
.
a friend just inspired me to think and the following words popped out... maybe somebody will take them and run with them, build on them, turn them into something more meaningful and powerful and ... words can be a force for change in the right hands...
my hands are busy juggling daily life these days (alas, and all that)... maybe i've learned to enjoy the irony of self-mockery too much :}
for what it's worth...
based on our moral laws
the holiest religious man
preach a word that never was
cuz we do not actualize it
we pretend to be good
human beings are parasites
and i wish that i could
say "no, not me"
but i too am swallowed by apathy
complacency
re-history
living on the edge is the song that plays
shame is hardly felt these days
as connected as the world can be
with mass media and satellite tv
this story hardly made the news
nobody wants to walk in those shoes
i wish i could say, no, not me
but the truth is the truth
even if i don't want to see
we live the crime of apathy
the charge is: apathy
... and i know it's wrong...
... maybe someday i'll find the words to wake myself and everybody else up...
... maybe someday i'll even finish this song...
damned ADHD
and well i wonder... yes i wonder... is laughing at myself for this so wrong?
when deep inside i still can sing this song
Labels: alas, amused, aye?, dreams, egmo, ego, emo, hope, lam, loneli, mtmm, psych, semi-philosophy, thereal
posted by candoor at 12:44 AM
3 Comments:
i bought an EEE PC it's very cheap and it's linux but of course.
i also bought a 2001 volvo awd crosscountry v70 or some such 159K beast that won't require chains when i climb through yukon towards alaska.
that's it for me in california.
godspeed.
vinyl out of storage won't help.
el cajon blvd in la mesa is being taken over by old sqool sicilians.
that won't help and doesn't either.
kaiser permanente has my first born by the ovaries.
i have abandoned all hopes for a woman of my own, still i am being haunted.
now india 101 dead next what?
prince williams of quasar9 raped in the ass?
hayzooz christ, montreal is fukken no longer quebeqois.
shultz steel from LBC cannot save snoop dawg and d.r.e. still can't prescribe teejayjoana poppy.
WTF?
we lost 9/11.
to our own fears.
it's too late for CHANGE.
shit has already assploded.
I'M SORRY.
I'M TOO OLD TO HELP OUT.
let your medicated kids take over with their ipods.
yes, it's all about LOVE.
FUCK IT.
i am going back to r0mania to at least die among family and friends.
still, i will give nevada a try, then alaska, then leave.
it's my country too, motherfuckers, and i paid my dues TWICE to earn the right to free speech.
i say this requires a bit of thought, or at least some reactive responses, so lets see what i understand and have to say...
you bought an EEE PC it's very cheap and it's linux but of course.
i could learn how to use linux if i wasn't so lazy and comfortable with the MS crap... i'd rather learn mac and since i have a mac on the floor that i have never plugged in since buying it for $200 or less when i bought this laptop, i could learn the mac faster and cheaper than the cheapest e-mach linux... still, someday i'd like to know it all... i hope you and your new machine make beautiful music together :)
you also bought a 2001 volvo awd crosscountry v70 or some such 159K beast that won't require chains when i climb through yukon towards alaska.
wow, north to alaska bound are you?... i am getting the distinct feeling that major life changes are either happening, have happened, and/or both... i must listen to your voicemail, aye?... i'll pause van morrison so i can hear it...
45 days w/o internet?... i thought 13 or 30 or disconnected or however long i was was a long time... as for numbers, the last time i called the number changed, so i don't think i have the current one... unless it's the phone - i had three different numbers in the old phone and only one got transferred to the new phone (frustrating the heck out of me cuz so many softball and work contacts disappeared... idiot at best buy obviously did not know how to transfer my data from one phone to the other and every day i discover another number i don't have as i try to call someone... i''ve got to go into work (when i am supposed to be off) tomorrow to get stuff cuz i couldn't call the admissions people cuz their cell numbers were deleted and i am grumbling, aren't i?... i've been avoiding the frustration this change of phone lost pieces of phone book has is causing... anyway, i've got to find a way to get the number you asked about myself, to answer your voice mail here... i'll text or voicemail back when it's a more reasonable hour as it's 4:14am at the moment...
that's it for you in california?
really?... there goes my dream of moving into your basement or backyard and living off your scraps when i retire :)
wild oats?... what's that other thing people say?... got a wild [something]?... hair, maybe... be in your bonnet?... i'vedone that sudden change of life/location thing a few times and if i wasn't so apathetic/compacent (and ridiculously generous with my supposed savings plan) these days, i'd do it again... but not northward for me, no way... unless a libido fantasy went along with me, then i'd reconsider...
godspeed is really quite slow relative to human speed, isn't it?...
wait, there's more...
vinyl out of storage won't help, maybe, but then, internet entrepreneurs i know tell me that i could make big bucks (or some money) money on ebay or amazon selling the stuff in storage and the nostalgic value for me as an emo-roller coaster would be well worth the trip... but i'd want months off to sort through all the stuff and actually experience the memories and emotions and let them inspire words and who knows what else without silly stuff like work obligations and responsibilities to get in the way...
i get dancing hyper manic goosebumps just thinking about it... shivers me timbers and all that... and then there are the thoughts of the tapes in toronto to increase the excitement... alas, hopes this high are such amazing rides made from :)
and if el cajon blvd in la mesa is being taken over by old sqool sicilians, is the pizza any better?... parmesean is one of my favorite styles, but there are those who say it did not originate in sicily... still, i always associate sicilians with good food...
when you say that won't help and doesn't either, is there like a euro-prejudice thing going on, clique or cult or mafia or something?... gang wars on the horizon?... the sixties all over again with a 2001 flare?... the godfather saga part seventy two, wherein grandpa simpson is made the new don?...
i have no idea what you mean by kaiser permanente has your first born by the ovaries, but if i can assist (a cyst?) , by all means let me know...
oh, no, seriously, not the old nightmares again?... are you being irreverent when you write that you have abandoned all hopes for a woman of your own and still you are being haunted or is solaris recurring?...
i hope not the latter and the goofy irreverence can continue, but please stop me if i am joking when i should not be....
did you mean indie as in music of the country when you wrote now india 101 dead next what?... i have no idea what's next, i don't even know what came before :)
your mind is running away with me (and here i was looking for inspiration to babble, what a great friend you are to bring me just what i needed just when i needed it... this will certainly fill the bill for fodder for the many faces (voices) behind the candoor in a few... i am concerned about prince williams of quasar9, though... unless he is a gay submissive masochist, in which case i am happy for him...
and then, the news that hayzooz christ, montreal is fukken no longer quebeqois was quite a shock... did northern new yorkers cross the boarder and take the city over in armed conflict?... will they be learning french now?... i hope the women are vute after the revolution...
whats that?... philip morris is getting out of the food business and going back into the killing of innocents business?... resurrecting joe camel for the kiddies and mad magazine fold-over porn fans?... i am happy to hear that deejayjoana, brother of teejayjoama, tobacco grower extraordinaire from georgia, the land of peanuts and wild ripe women, will be leading the charge... i alwats thought shultz got a bad wrap, but then, whatever LBC might be, snoop dawg can save himself, hang on snoopy, snoopy hang on, and maybe d.r.e. still can't prescribe teejayjoana poppy, but in the words of the prophet bob, medicinally speaking, everybody must get stoned...
WTF?... that's exactly what i was thinking...
and then you got serious (what?... all that before wasn't serious?... ah, my irreverence fools everyone, no wonder nobody understands me)...
i am so with you and agreeing (until i interrupt:
we lost 9/11.
to our own fears.
it's too late for CHANGE.
shit has already assploded.
I'M SORRY.
I'M TOO OLD TO HELP OUT.
wait, wait, timothy leary's dead and i'm on the outside looking in, but maybe i can still find some good acid and turn on, tune out, and take another generation with me?... live-aid, farm-aid, kool-aid (to save mentholated cigarettes?) or shall it be the electric fool-aid acid test?...
i will become the child who leads them, all i need are a few devout followers to bne role models... i won't be spiking the kool-aid, i promise... though we all might go on a magical mystery tour...
yes, unfortunately, the obstacle i face that good old tim leary did not have to overcome is that the kids today have much better drugs than the kids of his generation and how does a new age hippie freak father radical compete with soma and soylent green, anyway?...
alas, my medicated kids cant afford ipods, the government money they get goes to corrupt parents who won't share with the kids because they don't get free drugs like the kids do, so they've got to trade the kids for drugs and booze and the better suite at the roach motel...
but of course yes, it's all about LOVE. LOVE. LOVE... nothing you can do that can't be done... but you can learn how to play the game and most importantly, you can learn how to be you inside (it's easy)...
unless you say FUCK IT and give into the confusion and helpless feeling of self-recrimination, guilt, shame, failure, abuse, or any number of stupid human tricks we are all taught so well in our pre-deciding for ourselves years... don't do it man, the engines can't take much more of it, captain...
are you really going back to r0mania to at least die among family and friends?... wow, what's it like?... to have family and friends i mean?...
that was seriously sardonic biting self-mutilating sarcasm aimed at some of my deepest wounds, by the way, and all i can do is laugh at the numbness (or is that actual healing laughter?... omigosh, have i come through the rain?... so where are the others who have made it through?... barry manilow lied!... news at eleven...
wait, you will give nevada a try, then alaska, then leave?... you really are making life-changes?... i am so vicariously jealous... meg & dia lived in las vegas and have a reasonably cultish fan base of pre-pubescent and recently post-pubescent females there... how old does a man have to be before he can get away with being a dirty old man, anyway?...
alaska is too harsh for me... faces turn to prunes there and i'm not fond of the wicked witch look, even if they are not green... so the way girls look is now a criteria for where i live?... obviously not as i am so not turned on by the florida bimbo look, but here i am and have been for a long time and remain for at least the rest of this decade, probably, barring sudden shifts in the celestial cycles...
and darn right it's your country too, motherfuckers... but i didn't know there were dues... maybe that's why i feel like such an outsider...
so in conclusion, the generation z folk singers better have some good stuff cuz when i retire to take over the counter culture movement, i want to be good and high as a kite by then (cuz i think it's gonna be a long long time) when i start the revolution...
i wonder if obama ever inhaled...
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