just pay the damn rent already

what happened was just this (it really was quite simple)… well, maybe this will explain it more succinctly, or perhaps i’ll do that here… you see (or might, eventually, if i ever get around to explaining what i am talking about), i forgot all about paying rent this month and instead of calling me and reminding me, i found a very harsh formal legal three day notice on the door with a 10% penalty… the nerve…

so i did what any self respecting madman would do, i burned down the clubhouse… naaaa, not really, i wouldn’t burn down the gym, at least not while i still lived here (oooo, so evil today, aye?... well, they got my dander in a frizz, he says as he giggles)… so i went down to put a check in their drop box (and decided to go to the gym as retribution for my sins) and what do i find if not a laminated message blocking the drop box informing me that my rent was late, that my checks were not longer acceptable forms of payment, that i had t0o run around and find a cashier’s check or money order (and, of course, the 10% penalty)…

needless to say, i stuff my check into their box and walked over to the gym and what do my eyes see, but every machine i might want to use (which is many) busy… so i gasp in frustration and come back upstairs and good meat and then, i eat the meat… of course it’d have been better off beating the meat, but eat i did… and then, burning with the frustration that only comes from people who are paid to ”take care of you” who turn out to be actually ”taking you” as in to the cleaners or for all you’ve got… humans are so like that…

and then, i took my rage and turned it thusly:

Hello neighbors 

Well, I did forget what day it was, now didn’t I?... and now you have a choice 

I hope you enjoyed your holidays and this new year starts off much better than mine has so far (nothing horrible, just an enormous workload and this forgetfulness, for which I apologize).

While I really think the neighborly thing would have been to pick up the phone and remind me, I understand it is business. All the “welcome home” and “friendly neighbor” appeal can be a let down when we realize that we’re not really neighbors and all the friendliness is mostly for sales. You make money by not reminding me. The American Dream is not free, after all.

My challenge is that I am conditioned to pay all of my bills electronically. The checks I’ve written to Cypress Lakes are the first checks I’ve written in many years. I spent four hours looking for the checkbook the first month. It is my responsibility to change my habits, I know, but I do wish you would consider providing the courtesy and convenience of some form of electronic payment. That way the funds would be in your account as soon as possible.

You still do have a choice though.

You could say there are no waivers and no exceptions and make me jump through hoops running out to find a place to buy a money order, as I have at least twelve hour days ahead at work until I catch up at the hospital (Holidays or not, kids still get sick).

You could deduct $81 from the from the enclosed check and remind me how unhappy I was the first month I moved in due to roaches (that cost me $100 to get rid of) and several other major disappointments in a place at this rent.

You could send me a notice of eviction if I do not find a way to find a money order for the full amount you want in the time allotted, even though I am willing to electronically transfer rent in advance, given the opportunity.

You could, because it’s good for business in a down economy, to keep a new customer happy, accept this enclosed second check (I dropped one in your box on the way home tonight) as February’s rent in advance, waive the late fee, and caution me that it is a one time exception.

Life is about opportunities. Some you can offer and this is one. I am hoping you take the opportunity to make me feel like I am welcome and at home in the apartment I rent from you. Then maybe a positive feeling about Cypress Lake will be passed along in my professional and social encounters and there won’t be as many empty apartments here.

Please let me know what your choice is and I appreciate you considering my thoughts. You can call me at the number you have for me, 407-325-1482, or leave me a note on my door and I’ll read it when I get home tomorrow night.

Whatever you decide to do, I mean, even if you don’t put a smile on my face when I get home tonight, I really do hope you enjoy your day 

i mean, i easily could have added the inconvenient clubhouse and business center hours, the extremely inconvenient and awkwardly placed light switches and smoke alarms, the expensive and very inadequate lighting, the minimal kitchen counters, the dog feces on the sidewalks, and the monopolizing utility company that prevents me from using the phone, internet, and cable services I prefer (and have been with for more than a decade), but i wouldn’t want to rub it in…

of course if they choose to be the enemy as so many property managers do, at least around here, that is, if they deliberately cost me money when they could save me money, then at least i know they cannot be trusted and i shall treat them accordingly and have one more reason not to renew the lease… but first, i’ll hope they get the message above, smile, and look out for the people… yeah, man, power to the people, right on…

i did get back to the gym, by the way :)