the second ten thousand

continued and transferred and expanded and elaborated upon and so on and so forth, this entry was originally written in several parts, each attempting a moment of (e)thereal exposure in the brevity and direct straight-forwardness that the (e)thereal blog has come to represent but each time the entry babbled on too much so just a small fraction of what follows actually found it’s way into the daily writing space which brings us here and (drum roll for the folk in tvland) a-way we go…

the laptop is doing that funky dead black screen thing again as if the power supply is overheating or burning out after a few moments of being on… i am not sure if it is the hard drive or the screen itself or the power supply or maybe the battery is dead and that creates the sudden death, but it’s but it’s really frustrating (if a bit amusing) when all the stars go out… the weird thing is that it happens at what appear to be random times for a brief period and then stops and the laptop works fine for a while…

i suppose this might be what happens as stuff moves through the second thousand days of existence (or humans move through the second ten thousand days of life, for that matter)… stuff, and humans, need more rest and more things go wrong… it’s just so odd that i can leave the laptop on and connected to the net overnight and it’s fine in the morning and sometimes it will just repeatedly black out in the first moments of turning on…

paranoia suggests it’s some sort of virus worm thing that triggers a shut down of the screen when i am typing or otherwise attempting to communicate with the outside world… would be mean of someone to do that, but there are plenty of mean people in the world and most likely the means to remotely shut down someone’s computer is readily available… but then, paranoia gets boring real fast… unless, of course, we mock it…

att aircard service is worse than ever, which is weird because the first few months was just fair to poor (2-3 bars) and now it is consistently very poor (1 bar)… something changed and i am not sure what it is… obviously, att does not want us to continue the constant communicating we are doing, aye? (but the constant craving remains, so what’s a solitary writer to do?)... continue, obviously…

so then i wander away to do other things (gosh, how long can i go without doing laundry, anyway?) and i start over from another perspective when i return and perhaps it is even the same moment, but it is more likely another time, though quite possibly the same day, but not necessarily….

O . . . O
. . .
O

strawberry fields forever… so there is absolutely no question about it, i do so much better at housekeeping and such when i share the space… so i decided that i need a next door neighbor, roommate, or partner who is seriously into cleaning, laundry, running, and working out… not a maid (though i’d welcome one), cuz i’d rather participate in the cleaning and laundry too, but those are really low on my self-motivated activities list unless they are shared…

gotta get your abs right…

yes, so i am blaming all that has gone wrong in the universe, most especially in the human world and even more specifically in this life i’ve know, particularly in my interactions with humans and most specifically in the intimate play, on abdominal muscle conditioning (or lack thereof)… it’s not a new theory, i’ve know it all along, actually, since first thoughts, but it’s been shelved for years (along with ab conditioning)…

what would be good for this body more than anything, i think, would be finding motivation to remember that i have abs… there was a time when a thousand sit ups was a piece of cake… now, a piece of cake is all my abs see… delicious chocolate icing too, but i digress… there was a time when i used to be motivated by the prospect of sex, the fantasy and possibility of the seduction and activity, but as much as i still enjoy sensuality, the mere possibility is not enough these days and my high abdominal standards have crashed and burned in the past decade… sad, cuz everything is so much better when the abs are right…

yeah, laundry would even get done…

it’s all about laziness and pickiness, most probably, as i do not want to be intimate with anyone when the attraction is not high (especially not kissing) and i’ve not seen lips i really want to kiss for a long time… kissing is an absorbtion process for me, i am absorbed into the other person’s body and aura and personality and perspective and whether anyone understands it or not, i know the experience well and will must trust the core of a person to truly kiss…

some may see kissing as the first step toward intimacy, i see it as the final ultimate intimacy, the closest thing to unconditional trust… just one more difference between me and the normal humans that leaves me on the fringe of social intimacies, and alone again, for now…

so anyway, go ahead out there and get your abs right people and anybody interested in motivating me, you know where to find me… i’ll be on the fairview fields in about an hour and as for the rest of the day, well, just check my calendar right over there on the right… it’s a test, really, to see how much you care… oooo, am i telling? :)

that’s the defense mechanism, mostly passive aggressive, i suppose, doors wide open starting at you waiting for you to show you care… the test to see if you care?... what?... where?... what’ve i gotta do to make you love me?... or just sleep with me, that would be nice too… but where is the one person who is irresistible to me who finds me irresistible too?... she’s the one, all i’ve ever needs, ooo ooo ooo…

love love love, la la la la, love love love, la la la la, love love love, la la la la love… la la la la la la… all we need is love, la la la la la, all we need is love, la la la la la… yeah, cutting the song off in the middle of a verse can be so disturbing, aye?...

i should do more neck exercises… i hear it’ll keep you from getting a double (or triple) chin in the second ten thousand… and keep the faith, whatever it is…