and what about you?

and this may have been a letter to a friend in RealTime™ once upon a time and is now a waiting to be expanded blog entry for the future time when time permits expanding,,,

omigosh, i just was reminded that i said yes to go to taverna opa, the greek restaurant on international drive, and i've got nobody to go with except the other 49 people who signed up... wanna go? :)

but seriously now, interested in a day at universal studios or sea world?... March 21 Collective Soul is playing at Universal and I am going even if none of the seventy dozen people i asked want to go... and i love sea world and haven't been since last summer, so i might join a group going in a couple of weeks (i forget the date)...

yes, it is my browse the meetup calendars night that i used to do every week or so but now do about once a month, though this is the first time this year so maybe the rate of these nights is slowing... must be all the softball... you ought to come out and play, ya know?... the kids can play too if they want.... or ultimate frisbee... or maybe i ought to consider a 5k... or maybe i ought to consider just getting back to running period cuz running around the bases is not enough...

of course i could consider sleeping now and then...

do you miss my babbling when days go by without finding one of my personalized mind-dumps in your mailbox?...

it makes it easy to skip over the deeper queries, aye? :)

i think most people sleep at night because deeper truths come out in the middle of the night and most people would rather not deal with deeper truths... at least not unless their drunk or something... or jack handy...

do you ever laugh while reading?... yeah, but when do you laugh (if you laugh), that would be telling :)

i am realizing that i've developed a very human habit over the last couple of years... i eat when i am nervouse or excited... i don't get nervous much, but i get excited a lot... it's a habit i observed in others quite often through this life, but never actually bought into it myself until recently... i think it's an oral fixation thing...

i like listening to craig ferguson... he has amusing facial expressions too... and i am hearing/singing a song in my head a lot these days by someone named lenka... the song is called the show and it's dug it's way into my subconscious and makes my psyche giggle and dance... it replaced demi lavato's song (not remembering the name, but it's on one of my blogs... the one i use to remind me of what catched my eye out there in the pop culture world... i'm not a fan of rosie o'donnell... she's on craig ferguson tonight, which is why she's mentioned... i do love kittens and puppoes though, so am i irresistible yet?...

getting heavy for a moment, if you want to know more about me (and blogging and how blogging helps old friends and lovers who have not seen each other in decades keep in touch) all about how i coped with my worst nightmares, you can read the person formerly known as the artist who helped create them (and my occasional responses to her) right here at the blog she created to communicate with me after almost a decade of disappearing into thin air with all my hopes and dreams and stuff (though i was left with an endless supply of self-mockery and cynical irreverence asides that amuse me and a few others)... and to see another perspective of the whole blogging thing you might want to read this reflective post (which was inspired by something i wrote somwhere that you helped inspire)

yeah, i must give props to my own personal protagonist (or is that antagonist) and occasional editor... yeah, i used to self-promote, but i found it did not satisfy ego nearly as much as i thought it might and definitely made other parts of me slightly nauseous, especially in recent years as the creative muses have been nodding off (or just farting around too much)...

there is a duality (or is that a dichotomy) in and about me that effects and reflects just about everything... for instance, i love writing and am tickled better than elmo just the let the words out and amuse myself with the way they (the words) fall together and yet, there's a big part of me (and not just the insatiable ego, cuz i really don't take ego very seriously, except when i am mocking cuz i do take mocking ego very seriously) that loves and craves the attention i get from people who love the way i write (read: babble on)... and i really ant to believe them when they say there's genius in my nonsense (with a cheesy grin :)

i would be so good to adoring fans, really i would be :)

of course modesty (or perhaps modesty is merely insecurity in disguise) compels me to consider the possibility that these adoring fans are deluded (or diluted) or perhaps delusions, but then, i could always be wrong... i mean, some stick around even after i stop paying them...

speaking of writing (were we?)... i miss the days when i used to pour my heart out into words and fill pages (on and offline) with romantic fantasies and pathetic emo-ness... i used to express my feelings so much more syrupy (or at least with less mockery and snarkiness) even though some would misinterpret and misunderstand and claim to be seduced by my emotional rhymes as i so often seemed in search of the perfect love song... yet i do miss the days when i felt inspired to write and fall in love in words (fantasies for the heart) and then i'd get all sorts of inspired to feel social consciousness ranting about the perils and pitfalls of the thoughtless inhumanity of humanity... i am remembering how much i miss writing and interacting through words...

i think these thoughts are popping up from the depths of my mind to the surface because i really want you to like my mind and sense of humor and because i value your mind and opinions and so i am semi-lamenting the lazy-eye i currently get from the creative muses and around in my head because i am not nearly s impressed as i used to be with my slippery ramblings... there used to be so many more references buried and twisted in and between the lines...

of course i used to overwhelm 99.99999999999% of the people i'd write to which is why am alone again, naturally, alas and all, but i loe the babble enough to continue even after the glitter fades and everybody nods off or otherwise leaves... i used to stay awake all night regularly really getting into, i mean nurturing the loneliness and the longing for love and affection, but most of all, the hunger for honest comfort and the intimacy of trust and true friendship... some of my favorite memories are sleep-overs - staring at the ceiling or camping and staring at the stars sharing dreams and whatever came to mind as sleep and giddiness would take over until we laughed ourselves to sleep...i'd say i wanna be a kid again, but i never actually stopped being one... and there is another reason i am alone, aye?... most grown ups want a grown up, silly grown-ups :)

i think i am going to see Planet of the Apes at the Enzian on Tuesday because I miss going to the Enzian and am crazy enough to go to a 9:30 movie on a tuesday night... i want to go to the enzian more often... i've missed a lot of interesting films since i stopped going regularly almost a year ago... maybe i ought to start running there a few times a week therein combining two activities i miss... ah, if only i had a neighbor as crazxy as me, or as i am, for that matter...

so how are you?... still reading? (there's always hope).. really, how are you?... are you really always as stable and secure and confident and happy as you appear?... and even as i wonder (and ask) i realize that you have more than one very close long time friend who you would trust with any vulenrable moments you might experience so it's pretty silly for me to to be asking... but i ask because i care and i hope the sincerity of my caring is not diminished by my silliness...

i suppose i ought to let myself fall asleep as it is past 3am and the closer we get to 4am the more i hear the karen carpenter singing one of my top ten auto-biographical songs (what?... doesn't everybody have an auto-biographical soundtrack for their life story picked out?... well, people ought to stay up all night expressing themselves in more different ways then... maybe there'd be fewer wars, or something like that)... i've been creating top ten lists in my head since i was a little kid, top ten songs for all occasions, top ten films to watch when i want to feel good, when i want to cry, when i want to be inspired, when i want to laugh... top ten foods... top ten libido fantasies... love those lists, id do... very telling, some of them are... yoda told me...

so what else is new?... oh yeah, go to bed... ok, i'll be good and pause here... maybe the eyes will close if i stop the fingers and look at the tv (at this hour, it's annoying enough to keep me awake, so turning it off would make more sense)... i just feel like sharing, which is why i am still awake, and writing... lucky you, huh? :}

nite nite, and see you tomorrow :)

ric

so what would you have done if that was written to you?