stuff just keeps happening

yesterday i woke late and had to run right out to the movie (Wall-E) and then we ate Mexican food and then we watched the fireworks and then we ate cheesecake factory for dessert... early night all in all...

i loved Wall-E... i'll have to see it again to decide if it was more fun than short circuit (the film i related to well and felt Wall-E would be kinda like and it kinda was, except it was much more for kids and animated) as it did not simply surpass short circuit, but it was still fun and i like the message...

Wall-E movie SPOILER warning in the next paragraph, cover your eyes if you don't want to know and cover your ears if you or someone is reading aloud :)

liking a message and actually letting a message influence me are two very different things, obviously, as i, for one, pretty much pigged out at the Mexican Restaurant after the show, further reinforcing, at least in my case, the film's suggestion that humans are becoming lazy fat bodies that will, in the future, require mechanical assistance to do everything and anything...

it was excellent food and the portions were huge and i got talked into an appetizer order of tacos that i thought the whole table was sharing but only one person took half of one... chomp chomp...

then there was sitting and waiting for fireworks and then sitting and watching fireworks and all in all a lazy hour or two after a big meal... the fireworks kind of sucks, one explosion at a time for ten or fifteen minutes, the economy track... the finally was ok, but being spoiled by Disney and Universal fireworks made the city's attempt to celebrate the 4th of july with a pyrotechnic show pretty lame...

still, the company was fun...

then some of us went to cheesecake factory after the fireworks and the godiva chocolate cheesecake just demanded ordering and jumped right off the plate and into my mouth before i could articulate any sense or reason... oh so yum, but once again the message of Wall-E was complete out of the conscious mind, nor was it mentioned even slightly in any way during any conversation throughout the day after leaving the theatre and switching to food consuming beings...

the irony, it seems, has become the primary subject of this entry...

i got home and almost went out to run, but started talking to Rasputin and slunk into the big green chair in from of the tv as he was watching something and i was absorbed into conversation and boob toobing... not walking upstairs into this vegetative space seems to be a key ingredient in getting back to running... must change my perspective on home from space that absorbs energy and sucks the body into lazy dormancy to space that vibrates and inspires activity...

one of these nights...

didn't i just ask what the fuck...?... well, here come the usual rationalizations and bullshit, as my dear friend z would say... mostly it's just irresponsible carefree being a kid stupidity, but it's still fun... which is probably why it continues so ridiculously, even as i do stay more active than most u.s.a people (regardless of body age)... still sucks to know better and indulge the hedonist sometimes...

but only sometimes :)

of course an active activity partner would influence the mood and perspective a lot, especially if she was a she who inspired more body hormones and a wake up call for imagination, not to mention libido, but none of those such external inspirations are available at the moment so i must simply make the change in perspective (and living space) myself... as i have been doing, what with softball at least twice a week for the past bunch of months and less home food indulgences (just water in the house and seldom eat here anymore, but trying to keep the portions small when i do) and maybe, just maybe, back to more frequent running...

but last night (or tonight over the next five hours or so, from the date stamp's perspective) i checked emails, sent out a bunch of email invites to two activities (movie tomorrow, which is actually tonight, but i'm gonna back date this entry to friday and backdate tonight's entry, which will likely be written after midnight, to today, just cuz i can and so on... and movie for monday... so far four or five people thanked me but had other plans or had already seen the film - 1. Hancock - and - 2. Mongol - we shall see if anyone response yes)...

then i did a few more computer things that slip my mind at the moment... i remember that i explored fantasy baseball a bit and nodded off before coming to scribble these thoughts about the day for you and posterity... so here i am scribbling today for yesterday cuz i woke up earlier than i expected cuz one of the people responding to the invite called and suggested a different film for tonight, 3. Ironman - but i alread agreed to go to see Hancock with others tonight so even though i still want to see Ironman cuz it was highly touted by folk around here, it will be Hancock tonight even if none of the people i invited come along...

the calendar remains a busy little bugger as i continue to toss caution and prudence to the wind and spend spend spend on social life while slipping in a moment of sleep whenever there's a moment that i am not doing something else or giving myself the writing time i so seem to demand no matter what is happening in life...

so what's new with you? :)

so what i am doing now is

let's see, instead of sleeping tonight i spent a couple of hours setting up fantasy baseball teams, more than two dozen of them, really, because i love numbers and statistics and games that involve numbers and statistics and i seem to be less interested in sleep than ever and i was rarely interested in sleep, especially during times of singlehood... in fact, the only time i am ever at all really interested in sleep is during times of couplehood because i love the cuddling into unconditionally trusting oblivion that sleeping with someone can be and love even more the waking in that infantile state, if you know, the one that Tinkerbell remembers Peter Pan in, where she'll always love him, and such newborn eyes sights, so i find things to do to amuse my brain while not sharing that...

i wonder how long the body will survive in singlehood...

also, besides the hours fun calculating the numerical probabilities of fantasy baseball teams, i wandered meetups a bit and added a few more to my calendar... you know my calendar, right?... i mean, you remember me mentioning my calendar that i found online and created so people can actually know where i am and what i do in real time so maybe someone who might want to meet me might come out to meet me in all the safety and awkwardness of a public place... emphasis on the safety...

wait, the link is around here somewhere...

and i joined another softball league, so come the end of June i will be playijng softball Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday evenings... maybe it'll raise my interest in sleep as i pitch inconsistently and hobble afterward... not as bad as the guy in Misery, but stoll hobbling is not a way to be playing softball, if being a team sport and all... unless everybody hobbles, then it might be ok...

i hope the people on the team are fun... i hope i get on a team... i hope they don't have a pitcher... i hope they let me try to play another position too now and then... i hope they don't all laugh at me... i hope they are nice... i hope the girls are really horny hot babes who wear super tight short shorts and skimpy halter tops and all want to sleep with me...

ok, i'm kidding... i hope they want to do more than sleep...

ok, i'm kidding... i hope they are innocent and adorable...

i really am not into the hooter's girl types... not that there's anything wrong with being a hooter's girl type, but i am just not into the typical large-breasted-females that is the norm for this culture... i'm probably a pervert...

and while all this (or that above the last aside into foreplay, or fiveplay, even) was going on (the fantasy baseball, the meetup wonderings, the baseball signing up, and so on (beware of the and so ons, ya know?), Precious was playing an all-night marathon of Gilmore Girls, complete with it's cuteness and witty raportee and stereotypical human misdirection that all great human stories are made of (hours and hours and days and years and lifetimes of saying the opposite of what is really meant or felt inside cuz of some pride thing or something… people are such scaredy cats)…

so here we sit as the sun approaches the horizon, just out of sight from this vantage point at this moment, but we know it's there, after all, we are not ignorant tribes of nomadic wandering people fearing the dark and making blood sacrifices to appease the gods that press the sun down into the earth each night and might keep it there forever without the blood and the dancing and the praying stuff or killing in the name of any other sort of religious hogwash, are we?…

you just never know when that socio-political sort of commentary might suddenly rear it's amusingly obnoxious (or is that obnoxiously amusing) head… just apologize to the fundamentalists and bend over and let them… well, you want peace, don't you?... yes, staying up all night does bring all sorts of thoughts (you know, thoughts, those things that somehow pass through the brain cells now and then) to mind… especially when the rapid dialogue of the Gilmore Girls is rambling on in the background hour after hour as if there is so much to talk about the words must be compressed into cartoon-like run-on sentences replete with nouveau classic literary references and obscure intellectual humor that gives those in the know the sense of being in the know, you know?...

well, here comes the sun (da duh duh da) and it is alright... ridiculous as it may be to stay awake all night, it's alright... yes, little darling, and i say, it's all right... maybe i should nap an hour before heading to work…

nite nite :)

returning home

to the usual... but i found this hope amongst the blogs of note and it suggests i explore blogs of note more often, maybe... so i'll just go on believing that romantic love and family does still exist somewhere out there, even without the biological connection...

i napped about two hours this morning and have a concert tonight, so i probably should have napped this afternoon and i almost did, but i babbled a bit instead... wouldn't want my head to explode,, after all... sleep derivation is not what it used to be though... age and loneliness have powerful effects on the affect of sleep dep...

Jackson Browne was fantastic fun… i wish he would have played all night instead of just three and a half hours… he doesn't use a playlist… he just plays songs at random, sometimes based on what the audience is calling out and sometimes just one he wants to play… it was fun watching him decide which guitar to choose as he was deciding which song to play as he has more than a dozen guitars on stage behind him… i was too wired after the concert to sleep in spite of starting the day in Nashville and flying back late afternoon and driving more than an hour to the concert… i drove home along the coast road instead of the highway and noted several places to stop and eat when i finally have someone to share life again… mostly, there was a happy solitary drive to end a very busy and satisfying day…

the day was business in Nashville… it's a corporation growing in leaps and bounces, from a half dozen psychiatric facilities about seven years ago to more than a hundred today… if i had more education credentials, i might look at a corporate office job with travel and such, but i am too lazy to finish the masters degree (which would be starting over, basically) and i doubt they want to place experience ahead of the paper prestige… the health field is very conscious of the letters that follow a person's name… sadly, that is much more important than competence in most cases in most places…

the hotel was great… i think i am going to do that more often… a few days away is more than a vacation, it's a perspective re-adjustment… it reminds me of how sedentary, complacent, self-destructive, semi-anti-social, tolerant to the point of changing my habits, and fake i've become living here… i think i am gonna start keeping an eye out for airfare bargains… and not necessarily a luxury stay, cuz this trip helped me remember that getting away is much more important than the pampering… hmmm, maybe my next vehicle will be an SUV hybrid that i can sleep in…

so that was thursday… friday was laundry between the occasional nap… and the night had a few moments of high drama… i napped through the movie i was going to see in the evening because i forgot to set my phone alarm and when i woke i could not find my phone to check with the people i was going to meet to see if they were going to do anything after the movie… i became concerned after searching for a half hour and after i found the land line phone and called the phone and did not hear anything… i picked up the land line and found Precious on the other end… apparently she needed my phone to find her phone at her friends house, or something like that… no note, no consideration that i use the phone as an alarm and might have had plans on a Friday night… for some reason she could not call her friend's cell phone on the land line and felt getting her phone back was more important than anything i might have had planned…

so i was not happy, but the drama had just begun… i got really pissed when instead of an apology and thank you, i got a lecture justifying her taking my phone (while i was trying to make a call, no less.. i had to ask her to shut up so i could have a conversation)… when i got off the phone, i pointed out how inconsiderate and selfish her thinking and justifying was (no less while i was trying to talk to someone)… and then i crossed the line (dramatic gasp)… i pointed out that her mess everywhere is they very visible sign of her lack of consideration for others… teenage drama followed as she her response to that was yelling that i made it so she can't live here and she can't even be my friend as she walked out the front door… if i didn't adopt her when she moved down here when she was 13 or so and she was just a roommate with piggish habits, she'd have gotten the boot within a month, but she may actually be so wrapped up in her teenage world that she is oblivious to that in spite of my frequent expressions of distaste and frustration with the mess… i really thought she was less in denial and more aware, but i may be wrong…

when i mentioned it to Raspy when i called him at work to check on whether he heard the NCAA results and had dinner plans (as i do most weekend nights and some weekday nights when he doesn't call me first), he started defending her and telling me she told him it was not that long a time that she was away with my phone and that pissed me off because he was not here are she was lying to him about time and instead of listening, he hung up on me… the apple doesn't fall far from the tree… they both have a problem with admitting they are wrong, but this is the worst it's gotten… the last time i seriously mentioned the mess, he pointed to my napping in the living room and i asked him if that's why they leave a mess and i'd happily never nap in the living room again if that was why they did not clean up behind themselves… interesting how i remember that at this moment… i rarely nap in the living room, and the place is messier than ever… denial, avoidance, and selfishness is not pretty… and taking advantage of my flexible nature seems so easy for people i adopt as family… and they forget so quickly… that is the story of life trying to share with humans and live with as i've known it (and i've known much worse)…

hey, at least i got most of my laundry done… and today i just got back from playing softball, practice, as there's no game this weekend due to the easter thing… two hours of pitching and some hitting… not bad, but sleep dep definitely played a role as i was moving in slow motion… still pitched fine, it's becoming second nature and i don't really need to warm up anymore… i suppose i oughta start working on spins of different sorts…

catching up can be so much fun when there is time and when it feels like someone cares to listen/read and know what's going on in RealTime™ in this life behind the screen… thank you for that, the second part, the part i cannot do by myself… caring feels so good, sharing caring feels even better… i wish everybody did more of it… but enough idle dreaming (must be the Jackson Brown concert and Across the Universe soundtrack influences)…

that's what i did instead of sleeping last night, watching Across the Universe and then all the stuff on the special features disk… yay for those people who made the film… yay for Beatles music… and it's time for the concert, so i hope you have a great night and wonderful weekend and people in your life who know you, respect you, and appreciate you cuz that feels good… even if i wonder if it is ever really real (or permanent), i still have hope it can be… yeah, see, that link that started this entry stays with me and the negativity fades away… i like being me :)

like yourself today… a lot… it makes life much more fun :)