so what i am doing now is
let's see, instead of sleeping tonight i spent a couple of hours setting up fantasy baseball teams, more than two dozen of them, really, because i love numbers and statistics and games that involve numbers and statistics and i seem to be less interested in sleep than ever and i was rarely interested in sleep, especially during times of singlehood... in fact, the only time i am ever at all really interested in sleep is during times of couplehood because i love the cuddling into unconditionally trusting oblivion that sleeping with someone can be and love even more the waking in that infantile state, if you know, the one that Tinkerbell remembers Peter Pan in, where she'll always love him, and such newborn eyes sights, so i find things to do to amuse my brain while not sharing that...
i wonder how long the body will survive in singlehood...
also, besides the hours fun calculating the numerical probabilities of fantasy baseball teams, i wandered meetups a bit and added a few more to my calendar... you know my calendar, right?... i mean, you remember me mentioning my calendar that i found online and created so people can actually know where i am and what i do in real time so maybe someone who might want to meet me might come out to meet me in all the safety and awkwardness of a public place... emphasis on the safety...
wait, the link is around here somewhere...
and i joined another softball league, so come the end of June i will be playijng softball Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday evenings... maybe it'll raise my interest in sleep as i pitch inconsistently and hobble afterward... not as bad as the guy in Misery, but stoll hobbling is not a way to be playing softball, if being a team sport and all... unless everybody hobbles, then it might be ok...
i hope the people on the team are fun... i hope i get on a team... i hope they don't have a pitcher... i hope they let me try to play another position too now and then... i hope they don't all laugh at me... i hope they are nice... i hope the girls are really horny hot babes who wear super tight short shorts and skimpy halter tops and all want to sleep with me...
ok, i'm kidding... i hope they want to do more than sleep...
ok, i'm kidding... i hope they are innocent and adorable...
i really am not into the hooter's girl types... not that there's anything wrong with being a hooter's girl type, but i am just not into the typical large-breasted-females that is the norm for this culture... i'm probably a pervert...
and while all this (or that above the last aside into foreplay, or fiveplay, even) was going on (the fantasy baseball, the meetup wonderings, the baseball signing up, and so on (beware of the and so ons, ya know?), Precious was playing an all-night marathon of Gilmore Girls, complete with it's cuteness and witty raportee and stereotypical human misdirection that all great human stories are made of (hours and hours and days and years and lifetimes of saying the opposite of what is really meant or felt inside cuz of some pride thing or something… people are such scaredy cats)…
so here we sit as the sun approaches the horizon, just out of sight from this vantage point at this moment, but we know it's there, after all, we are not ignorant tribes of nomadic wandering people fearing the dark and making blood sacrifices to appease the gods that press the sun down into the earth each night and might keep it there forever without the blood and the dancing and the praying stuff or killing in the name of any other sort of religious hogwash, are we?…
you just never know when that socio-political sort of commentary might suddenly rear it's amusingly obnoxious (or is that obnoxiously amusing) head… just apologize to the fundamentalists and bend over and let them… well, you want peace, don't you?... yes, staying up all night does bring all sorts of thoughts (you know, thoughts, those things that somehow pass through the brain cells now and then) to mind… especially when the rapid dialogue of the Gilmore Girls is rambling on in the background hour after hour as if there is so much to talk about the words must be compressed into cartoon-like run-on sentences replete with nouveau classic literary references and obscure intellectual humor that gives those in the know the sense of being in the know, you know?...
well, here comes the sun (da duh duh da) and it is alright... ridiculous as it may be to stay awake all night, it's alright... yes, little darling, and i say, it's all right... maybe i should nap an hour before heading to work…
nite nite :)
i wonder how long the body will survive in singlehood...
also, besides the hours fun calculating the numerical probabilities of fantasy baseball teams, i wandered meetups a bit and added a few more to my calendar... you know my calendar, right?... i mean, you remember me mentioning my calendar that i found online and created so people can actually know where i am and what i do in real time so maybe someone who might want to meet me might come out to meet me in all the safety and awkwardness of a public place... emphasis on the safety...
wait, the link is around here somewhere...
and i joined another softball league, so come the end of June i will be playijng softball Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday evenings... maybe it'll raise my interest in sleep as i pitch inconsistently and hobble afterward... not as bad as the guy in Misery, but stoll hobbling is not a way to be playing softball, if being a team sport and all... unless everybody hobbles, then it might be ok...
i hope the people on the team are fun... i hope i get on a team... i hope they don't have a pitcher... i hope they let me try to play another position too now and then... i hope they don't all laugh at me... i hope they are nice... i hope the girls are really horny hot babes who wear super tight short shorts and skimpy halter tops and all want to sleep with me...
ok, i'm kidding... i hope they want to do more than sleep...
ok, i'm kidding... i hope they are innocent and adorable...
i really am not into the hooter's girl types... not that there's anything wrong with being a hooter's girl type, but i am just not into the typical large-breasted-females that is the norm for this culture... i'm probably a pervert...
and while all this (or that above the last aside into foreplay, or fiveplay, even) was going on (the fantasy baseball, the meetup wonderings, the baseball signing up, and so on (beware of the and so ons, ya know?), Precious was playing an all-night marathon of Gilmore Girls, complete with it's cuteness and witty raportee and stereotypical human misdirection that all great human stories are made of (hours and hours and days and years and lifetimes of saying the opposite of what is really meant or felt inside cuz of some pride thing or something… people are such scaredy cats)…
so here we sit as the sun approaches the horizon, just out of sight from this vantage point at this moment, but we know it's there, after all, we are not ignorant tribes of nomadic wandering people fearing the dark and making blood sacrifices to appease the gods that press the sun down into the earth each night and might keep it there forever without the blood and the dancing and the praying stuff or killing in the name of any other sort of religious hogwash, are we?…
you just never know when that socio-political sort of commentary might suddenly rear it's amusingly obnoxious (or is that obnoxiously amusing) head… just apologize to the fundamentalists and bend over and let them… well, you want peace, don't you?... yes, staying up all night does bring all sorts of thoughts (you know, thoughts, those things that somehow pass through the brain cells now and then) to mind… especially when the rapid dialogue of the Gilmore Girls is rambling on in the background hour after hour as if there is so much to talk about the words must be compressed into cartoon-like run-on sentences replete with nouveau classic literary references and obscure intellectual humor that gives those in the know the sense of being in the know, you know?...
well, here comes the sun (da duh duh da) and it is alright... ridiculous as it may be to stay awake all night, it's alright... yes, little darling, and i say, it's all right... maybe i should nap an hour before heading to work…
nite nite :)
Labels: amused, aye?, babble, body, calendar, crazy, denial., doh, egmo, emo, energy, hope, intros, mtmm, psych, sleepdep, smile, softball, sports, words
posted by candoor at 5:58 AM
7 Comments:
Well, I was up *almost* all night. Strange thunderstorms and heavy rains and mudslides nearby and all the stuff of biblical plagues rained down from heaven yesterday, and in a strange kind of way it was energizing...maybe it was just the weirdness of it...and so then I tuned into the season finale of Grey's Anatomy and have finally come to realize what it is everyone is so enamored with in Patrick Dempsey's character on that show. I'm not so entirely sure that escaping into a fantasy of the "perfect man" in television is really all that good of an idea, but I suppose if a person can separate out the fantasy from the reality that it is writers who create the fantasy for you so that you will watch and buy the soap they advertise during the commercials it's okay because maybe what it does too is keep hearts open to the hope that someone special for them is out there somewhere waiting for them to just cuddle up in their arms and fall into oblivion and safety, like two twins intertwined in their own womb. I don't know. But it did sorta make me feel sad and have the odd stray thought whisk in and out wondering if I had been hasty in overlooking cloistered life. Is it possible to cuddle with angels so that your supply of cuddling is never exhausted?
So my mind kept me awake with thoughts and some sadness, until the Twilight Zone arrived at 1:00 a.m. to take me out of those thoughts and into new ones, which eventually led to sleep somewhere interspersed in there, short lived as it may have been.
So anyway, yay for more exercise, yay for more meetups and more living, yay for you and yay for hope.
Happy Friday :)
p.s. And yay for blogging in other people's comment boxes
it's fun ain't it to blog in other people's blog comments, eh?
clink to do it in a timeless manner too.
yeepee,
mB)
it is really beautiful to see there have been people who bring out the tenderness in your heart, z, a heart often covered up under the layers, but one very caring heart that for anyone who actually allows themselves to look will see how much is really there.
Hopefully the inspiring words of Julie, and the heart behind them, will begin gracing the Internet again some day.
i remember fantasy, but tv has become a distraction in the background, mostly... maybe too much reality and not enough fantasy at the moment, not even the superficial, but the mind isn't completely dead-human rushing through life on the surface...
it'll be back...
i am happy you are blogging somewhere, it keeps this interactive :)
and i wandered back through diaryland last night for a little while thanks to that link... left notes for people i used to read and some i never read before and i wonder what they will do when they find my old entry there if they check out who left them a note...
i doubt i have time to blog there and here and all the other places i have still open (and the new ones still popping up all the time)... in fact, xanga and facebook and flickr and diviant art and a bunch of other places i never really started but somehow signed up for years ago called me too)...
but then, the magic of life is we never know what might happen...
so stay tuned with me and have fun :)
julie reads there, about no longer than 3 or 4 months ago she dropped a note, but oh so mysterious, it kills the catness in me to find out what she's been up to all this time.
donnaisblue said recently as well: fret not, i shall not avoid sandy eggo when (not if) i arrive in cali.
the dairyland milk production has never dwindled, really, only perhaps replaced with soy[beans] for a short span of this thing labeled 7im3.
whatever, you're still mired in orlando meetups and even if i was crazy enough to want to ghostwrite a movie script, you ain't got the delusive power required to sit down and be the ghos7.
ps: 1 day only, no undelete, you better catch that z0tl.wave~
we have only just begun...
has last to long for this impatient persona LOL
Take care Stranger!!!!!
<3
many have stayed and many have gone
many are here or there
but won't respond
many want a mystery
better than a history
i want the few who carry on
for the few who carry on
yeah so what amazes me most about Dland is that those still there respond so quickly as if i have not been away for most of a year or two... the bonds forged with words are still there, which is weirdly comforting...
of course i was never what we'd call a hit over there... i'm not what would be called a hit anywhere, in fact... i just don't do it write to be all that... could be i like it that way as it allows more freedom of movement, disappearance, and lack of responsibility to a regular audience...
of course that just disguises the inner pain and vast inadequacy i feel because i am not good enough to be adored by millions like wesley crusher and that oingo boingo dude...
i could save the world, if they'd only listen...
meanwhile, everything will change the moment a partner seduces me back into being me and becomes the focus of everything in this life for me and then, anything goes...
until then, every moment is just the beginning of awaiting the end so everything can begin again...
and the best we can do is make as much fun of the moment as possible...
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