returning home

to the usual... but i found this hope amongst the blogs of note and it suggests i explore blogs of note more often, maybe... so i'll just go on believing that romantic love and family does still exist somewhere out there, even without the biological connection...

i napped about two hours this morning and have a concert tonight, so i probably should have napped this afternoon and i almost did, but i babbled a bit instead... wouldn't want my head to explode,, after all... sleep derivation is not what it used to be though... age and loneliness have powerful effects on the affect of sleep dep...

Jackson Browne was fantastic fun… i wish he would have played all night instead of just three and a half hours… he doesn't use a playlist… he just plays songs at random, sometimes based on what the audience is calling out and sometimes just one he wants to play… it was fun watching him decide which guitar to choose as he was deciding which song to play as he has more than a dozen guitars on stage behind him… i was too wired after the concert to sleep in spite of starting the day in Nashville and flying back late afternoon and driving more than an hour to the concert… i drove home along the coast road instead of the highway and noted several places to stop and eat when i finally have someone to share life again… mostly, there was a happy solitary drive to end a very busy and satisfying day…

the day was business in Nashville… it's a corporation growing in leaps and bounces, from a half dozen psychiatric facilities about seven years ago to more than a hundred today… if i had more education credentials, i might look at a corporate office job with travel and such, but i am too lazy to finish the masters degree (which would be starting over, basically) and i doubt they want to place experience ahead of the paper prestige… the health field is very conscious of the letters that follow a person's name… sadly, that is much more important than competence in most cases in most places…

the hotel was great… i think i am going to do that more often… a few days away is more than a vacation, it's a perspective re-adjustment… it reminds me of how sedentary, complacent, self-destructive, semi-anti-social, tolerant to the point of changing my habits, and fake i've become living here… i think i am gonna start keeping an eye out for airfare bargains… and not necessarily a luxury stay, cuz this trip helped me remember that getting away is much more important than the pampering… hmmm, maybe my next vehicle will be an SUV hybrid that i can sleep in…

so that was thursday… friday was laundry between the occasional nap… and the night had a few moments of high drama… i napped through the movie i was going to see in the evening because i forgot to set my phone alarm and when i woke i could not find my phone to check with the people i was going to meet to see if they were going to do anything after the movie… i became concerned after searching for a half hour and after i found the land line phone and called the phone and did not hear anything… i picked up the land line and found Precious on the other end… apparently she needed my phone to find her phone at her friends house, or something like that… no note, no consideration that i use the phone as an alarm and might have had plans on a Friday night… for some reason she could not call her friend's cell phone on the land line and felt getting her phone back was more important than anything i might have had planned…

so i was not happy, but the drama had just begun… i got really pissed when instead of an apology and thank you, i got a lecture justifying her taking my phone (while i was trying to make a call, no less.. i had to ask her to shut up so i could have a conversation)… when i got off the phone, i pointed out how inconsiderate and selfish her thinking and justifying was (no less while i was trying to talk to someone)… and then i crossed the line (dramatic gasp)… i pointed out that her mess everywhere is they very visible sign of her lack of consideration for others… teenage drama followed as she her response to that was yelling that i made it so she can't live here and she can't even be my friend as she walked out the front door… if i didn't adopt her when she moved down here when she was 13 or so and she was just a roommate with piggish habits, she'd have gotten the boot within a month, but she may actually be so wrapped up in her teenage world that she is oblivious to that in spite of my frequent expressions of distaste and frustration with the mess… i really thought she was less in denial and more aware, but i may be wrong…

when i mentioned it to Raspy when i called him at work to check on whether he heard the NCAA results and had dinner plans (as i do most weekend nights and some weekday nights when he doesn't call me first), he started defending her and telling me she told him it was not that long a time that she was away with my phone and that pissed me off because he was not here are she was lying to him about time and instead of listening, he hung up on me… the apple doesn't fall far from the tree… they both have a problem with admitting they are wrong, but this is the worst it's gotten… the last time i seriously mentioned the mess, he pointed to my napping in the living room and i asked him if that's why they leave a mess and i'd happily never nap in the living room again if that was why they did not clean up behind themselves… interesting how i remember that at this moment… i rarely nap in the living room, and the place is messier than ever… denial, avoidance, and selfishness is not pretty… and taking advantage of my flexible nature seems so easy for people i adopt as family… and they forget so quickly… that is the story of life trying to share with humans and live with as i've known it (and i've known much worse)…

hey, at least i got most of my laundry done… and today i just got back from playing softball, practice, as there's no game this weekend due to the easter thing… two hours of pitching and some hitting… not bad, but sleep dep definitely played a role as i was moving in slow motion… still pitched fine, it's becoming second nature and i don't really need to warm up anymore… i suppose i oughta start working on spins of different sorts…

catching up can be so much fun when there is time and when it feels like someone cares to listen/read and know what's going on in RealTime™ in this life behind the screen… thank you for that, the second part, the part i cannot do by myself… caring feels so good, sharing caring feels even better… i wish everybody did more of it… but enough idle dreaming (must be the Jackson Brown concert and Across the Universe soundtrack influences)…

that's what i did instead of sleeping last night, watching Across the Universe and then all the stuff on the special features disk… yay for those people who made the film… yay for Beatles music… and it's time for the concert, so i hope you have a great night and wonderful weekend and people in your life who know you, respect you, and appreciate you cuz that feels good… even if i wonder if it is ever really real (or permanent), i still have hope it can be… yeah, see, that link that started this entry stays with me and the negativity fades away… i like being me :)

like yourself today… a lot… it makes life much more fun :)