the best thing about being lost

is being found... not to say that the being lost part isn't oodles of fun, especially when shares with someone who loves being lost and unconditionally loves and trusts cuz that is then real magic happens, in case you didn't know), but returning with the magic to the found place, to that moment of illusion when everything seems as real as it gets for you (or me, in this case), that is the best thing about life...

so on goes Meg and Dia singing I can do anything I want, like you and life is musical, profound, fun, creative, true, and beautiful again (and in an ethereal way, shared, which combines to be the best illusion we can create, dontcha think?)...

and this is my heart, bleeding before you...

but one person's foolish games is another person's euphoria and we each find euphoria where I make it so I'm making some right now...

wish you were here...

and just after I wrote and uploaded this entry in walk Rasputin and Precious with leftovers from the good Chinese restaurant (as opposed to the local buffet) and, of course, Pepsi, ice cream, and fudge sauce... and Precious wants to watch Spiderman I and II because a friend (who would possibly be boyfriend is she wasn't still hung up on the guy who dumped her twice but remains a good friend) is shocked that she hasn't seen it so we may be watching movies I've seen a couple of times tonight... I might put on the headphones if I'm not into it... but it's all good, in fact, it's all great because I was prepared and even if I wasn't, I am in that place inside where everything is beautiful in it's own way and I'm gonna enjoy it in my own way...

who knows, a few more weeks of this sort of waking up (and turning up the gym work) and I might even find I am no longer just sleepwriting and maybe will find myself stepping back out into the world not just to wander aimlessly through it, but to open myself to more opportunity for intimacy again (cuz I'll be ready to share an energy level that isn't repulsive to me, if that makes any sense to you)...

stay awake, stay awake, survive...

I may simply be indulging my perennial teenager or I might just be loving the music and words because they are where I am or want to be or maybe it's just a momentary passing fancy, but you really ought to listen to Something Real (that's the name of Meg and Dia's CD and decide for yourself)... track seven is my favorite, with track four and five coming in sorta tied for second, and track one third (a great musical kick off to the CD), and tracks two, six, eight (her voice is fun on that eight), nine, and eleven are right behind and the others speak to me with lines that cut deeply here and there so even being last is great for me on this CD...

anyway, it's time to eat something and then get back to rambling btc... I'll be back to link when I upload there, still hoping that is tonight, but then, it is when it is and not before... make the most of the rest of your weekend and if the bed bugs bite, bite back... remember you choose how you feel and what you are going to do about it... learn to live with it and dare to believe it can happen again and again, it is your illusion after all...

namaste J