something about the mental process
giving up sleep last night (though I slept five hours this morning), I wrote some entries in various places... myspace and the onion, at least, I don't remember if I uploaded any anywhere else and no, nothing new in btc yet, but a file of entries is growing again...
no wonder why I am alone, aye?... I think too much to keep up with myself and so I make time to write down my thoughts so my mind keeps exercised and I continue expressing myself and sharing as many moments of this life as possible even when I am alone and I upload most of my writings these days in assorted places on the web and I want the person who shares the life-partnership spot in my life to share it all... and that doesn't even factor in the time we will need for her to do the same thing (yes, I want her mind's activity to equal or surpass my mind and even more important, for her to be able to manage it and express it and share it all completely openly and honestly without any insecurity or fear in the way, at least with me)...
I don't want much, huh?...
at home, it's the usual... Raspy farts a lot and zones into the TV in mid-sentence during a conversation and Precious is focused mostly on herself and her friends because she can be as a teenager and I ramble while they are disconnected or elsewhere... I've tried to disconnect from their daily habits because their daily habits are not mine and I don't like me as much when I follow their daily habits (I love them as people, it's the stuff like lack of exercise, eating a typical American high-fat mostly meat diet with much junk food, and cleaning {including dishes} only about once a month, if that much, that isn't my natural way and even though, as a chameleon, I can take on others habits in order to share space and social life more, after a while I feel out of synch with myself and need to pull away and get back to me and my natural ways)...
I'm supposed to be dressed and ready for to leave for a concert in four minutes... I'm not dressed, but at least I showered... so this is a brief entry because these thoughts were running around my head and I wanted to catch them and let them out because they are kind of repetitive and repetitive thoughts can be quite distracting if I don't let them out and I want my mind to be empty before concerts (or most any fun experience) cuz I enjoy life much more when I am completely there in the experience...
I feel much gooder now J
love your day J
no wonder why I am alone, aye?... I think too much to keep up with myself and so I make time to write down my thoughts so my mind keeps exercised and I continue expressing myself and sharing as many moments of this life as possible even when I am alone and I upload most of my writings these days in assorted places on the web and I want the person who shares the life-partnership spot in my life to share it all... and that doesn't even factor in the time we will need for her to do the same thing (yes, I want her mind's activity to equal or surpass my mind and even more important, for her to be able to manage it and express it and share it all completely openly and honestly without any insecurity or fear in the way, at least with me)...
I don't want much, huh?...
at home, it's the usual... Raspy farts a lot and zones into the TV in mid-sentence during a conversation and Precious is focused mostly on herself and her friends because she can be as a teenager and I ramble while they are disconnected or elsewhere... I've tried to disconnect from their daily habits because their daily habits are not mine and I don't like me as much when I follow their daily habits (I love them as people, it's the stuff like lack of exercise, eating a typical American high-fat mostly meat diet with much junk food, and cleaning {including dishes} only about once a month, if that much, that isn't my natural way and even though, as a chameleon, I can take on others habits in order to share space and social life more, after a while I feel out of synch with myself and need to pull away and get back to me and my natural ways)...
I'm supposed to be dressed and ready for to leave for a concert in four minutes... I'm not dressed, but at least I showered... so this is a brief entry because these thoughts were running around my head and I wanted to catch them and let them out because they are kind of repetitive and repetitive thoughts can be quite distracting if I don't let them out and I want my mind to be empty before concerts (or most any fun experience) cuz I enjoy life much more when I am completely there in the experience...
I feel much gooder now J
love your day J
Labels: blogs, environs, home, loneliness, mtmm, writing, yay
posted by candoor at 2:48 PM
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