future wandering

did I mention that a photo of Dia now resides on my desktop?... as with the last several photos that made a home there, a computer crash wiped out the file or reset the Windows or something and the desktop was black again, so after a few weeks I decided to pick another image and Dia won... I live Meg Ryan no less, but fantasies are fickle that way and also like tires, they work best if they are rotated regularly...

and then I opened all these entries (that follow) and hopefully will find time to follow the path (highly recommended) before the next computer crash... see, it's the map for future wandering... if you do it before me, please write your experience somewhere, in comments or in a post of on a bathroom wall (but do post the name of the facility)... and include the words Happy Birthday when you do...

ready, set, go, off to my map (you can beat me to this path, remember, and if you do, tell me all about it because if will be epic... and if I told you that you can get to all from one, would you grasp the concept?... time might tell, if you do not, so ready set go, give it your best shot)... one two three four five six (and then he rested, just ask them...

meanwhile, back at the rest home... every time I try to focus on writing these days I am distracted by external interests and queries... Precious wants stuff cuz, like most teenagers, the world revolves around her... and then there are these habits... tonight, Rasputin, in his evil way, convinced me that pizza and ice cream was a good idea tonight... so much for my salad and veggies during the weekdays and pigging out on the weekends... I really need some healthier influences... and activities, something other than the TV and computer... seems I've strayed from the path to the gym and while I have not gained weight since the last time I went to the gym I have not lost a pound for all the veggies and salads I've eaten... rabbit food is not working without exercise...

waa waaa waaaaa... obviously stupidity is influencing my decision making process (along with the self-pity gene) as I indulged the momentary urge of taste bud fulfillment and foresake the daily pleasure of feeling fit and healthy... the latter path will be left for future wandering as well... hopefully before the body has had enough of the decadence... so reruns of Dead Like Me and Eureka played while I spent a few hours playing with my fantasy sports teams and did the couch potato dance tonight... anyone not mostly dead is welcome to come drag me out of this rut anytime... and that reminds me, maybe a trip through the lands of the mostly dead is what I need as I am forgetting who I am what with working and concerting and vegetating and spending 99.99% of my time focused on external interests and pleasures and distractions...

and my laughter proves my insanity, in case you wondered...

and in the end, there is nothing new at btc or myspace (except for the new people and messages I seem to be attracting on a daily basis and, ooops, I future wandered and wrote something new there just now) and, in fact, nothing new anywhere in my online worlds, but being that my addiction to linking great pages is yet another indulgence I indulge tonight, not to mention philadelphia (all in all), I present the most painted bricks in the wall leftover from a previous future wandering (or another time and if I told you it all started back then and there, I would only be half accurate (though not lying), but I mention it last because it could be the first to go in this ever shrinking universe...

now dance a dance of wonder and excitement, of thrills and chills, and of good health and happiness (before it's too late) and be sure to tell us all about it for we need more excitement in our lives...

meanwhile, tomorrow night is a concert at the University, Thursday is a show at the high school, Friday is a concert at the House of Blues, Saturday is a concert at the University, Sunday is a show at the high school, and let's not forget college football on Saturday and possibly pro football onm Sunday, and Monday I collapse at my desk and they rush me to intensive care...

write?... sure, I'll write... in my dreams (where I make more sense)... and all this without a partner (or a net)... imagine the excitement if it was all shared and therein exponentially expanded... but I shall not live the lament of partners past (and advise you, dear friendzied souls, to work further on letting go as well (at least until I have time to harmonize) and I shall endeqavor to walk on through the wind and walk on through the rain like the song says and believe I'll never walk alone no matter how lonely it feels under the still seering scars...

and when my baby cries
she sets the word to silence
for there are no words to
console such heartache

and when my baby laughs
she sets the world to party
for there is nothing else
to do in the wake

of the joy of love that my baby brings
the angels and the devils join hands and harmonize
when my baby sings

someday I'll find her again and the whole world will change... until then I will continue to just rearrange the flowers in my fantasies and it may seem strange, but everything I do is for my baby, my baby and me...

yeah, the ultimate future wandering shall be that last dance that lasts for all eternity... the hopelessly hopeful romantic shall not give into the pain of the past, no betrayal or cruelty can change what I know is right... I am here to love and be loved... and on that note, good night (grinning my seg grin)... and I will love and be loved... someday...

nite nite J