I'm peeing in a bottle

yes, that's the highlight of the day (and among the long list of titles stretched out over many years and blogs, this one might stand out, I mean, if such a list of titles was ever compiled anywhere and anybody ever actually took the time to scan the list... a nod to posterity, my most loyal imaginary audience)...

can you feel the love tonight?...

or at least, can you feel the smile tonight?... of course we could find reason to frown or feel some sort of negative energy, fear, frjustration, depression, anger, you name it... but I don't... and that just increases the smile...

excuse the giggles, I really don't want to come off as any sort of smartass, especially when I know that most people are so far from where I am when I feel as I do right now and that is sad, in a way, but sometimes I just do not want to feel even that sadness and accept what is as it is, we are as we are, and everything is beautiful in it's own way...

even the confusion and madness...

I am not sure I will ever be able to explain just how the cruelty and harm cascading throughout humanity can be beautiful and for the moment, such explanations are meaningless cuz I doubt anyone would begind to understand (not even me), and I do not mean to come off like I am referring to that mind of God concept religions use to shirk the responsibility of explaining stuff that the perveyors of religions pretend to be able to explain in order to control people... but that's a whole other thought path I am not interested in traveling along just now...

perhaps there is some meaning in the understanding of the difference between the balance of compromise and the compromise of balance... one is more precarious than the other... one is more secure than the other... I am in the secure one at the moment... the rest is up to you...

suddenly I am distracted by an unexpected view of a the shape of a part of a breast on TV. mostly cuz it's so unexpected... Amanda (I forget her last name) who plays Samantha Carter on Stargate was out of uniform in an evening gown for a moment and I just happened to glance up at the TV to see her getting out of a car... and I am reminded of the psychological effects of clothing on our perspective and libido and society cuz if we walked around naked and the naked body was not such a cultural taboo, we probably would not be so turned on by a little flash of skin... ultimately, I do not think the thrill of the forbidden and forced prolonged ignorance is worth psychological confusion and trauma it leads to and often causes, but it's still a curious phenomenon about humanity...

so anyway, I'm just getting back from the gym and feeling better than usual and I've been feeling very good lately... I'm also feeling hungrier than usual in spite of eating more today than usual, which means the body is rebuilding in high gear and also I probably need some vitamin or mineral, so I'll take a multivitamin...

I also finally got a copy of my latest lab results (though I don't have a copy of the results the results of the more comprehensive tests GI specialist ordered cuz the records person there is not returning calls... I probably will not be going back there if I ever need a GI doctor again... first off the doctor never spoke to me about the results... and after telling me to see a Urologist due to test results, they are not responding to my repeated messages asking them to send the results of those tests to the Urologisy they referred me to... so if you are in Orlando and need a GI doctor, do not use the Center for Digestive Health, mmm'ok?...

so far in the first 12 hours I've put 1500ml into the big orange bottle they gave me to collect my 24 hours of urine... and that's with all that perspiring I do in the gym (you can not only wring out my T-shirt, but it's dripping on it's own when I take it off and that's in a 67F gym)...

it's been a beautiful and relaxing day off... I wandered out a couple of times, drove around a bit and didn't even mind the ridiculous traffic... picked up mail, which included the tickets to a couple of concerts and the last issue of LEX (The Letter Exchange) and I just might spend the night reading through the listings and who knows, maybe write a letter or few, which is a completely different direction from the blogging and general babbling I've been doing over the last nine years or so... there was a time, as you may recall, when I was quite immersed in personal correspondence...

ah, the memories are so much easier to access and enjoy when in the right mood... after coming home, I found the pilot episode of Dark Angel on the tube and watched cuz I've heard a lot about the show and while I could get into it, there were too many things about it that keep me from adding it to the list of shows I would like to catch regularly... basically, the level of plot contrivance was too high...

one thing about watching TV is the repetitive (and mostly annoying) commercials, especially the food commercials... one for Long John Silver's for lobster-stuffed crab cakes finally caught me ready to try them and I went out shopping... so I put some healthy food in the fridge and then stopped for the crab cakes, but they didn't have them... I'm gonna complain to the company... so I stopped for subs and treated myself to what has become a rare taste of bread and then I napped and woke and went to the gym and then came here and rambled on with you while watching the Friday night Sci-Fi channel line-up...

and since you are sitting on the edge of your seat awaiting the results of the tests that have me filling this big orange bottle, I'll share them now... results out of normal range are underlined... past results are in parentheses... current results high or low have a (H) or (L) next to them...

Triglycerides: Cholesterol, Total: HDL Cholesterol (L): LDL Cholesterol: Chol/HDLC Ratio: Glucose: Urea Nitrogen (BUN): Creatine (H): GFR Estimated (L): AST: ALT: Hemoglobin Alc:

. . .

75mg/dL (544, 266, 282) 174 mg/dL (180, 193) 39 mg/dL (26, 32, 32) 120mg/DL (108) 4.5 (6.9) 73 mg/dL (157, 126, 119) 21 mg/dL 1.8 mg/dL (1.0) 42 mL/min/1.73m2 (>60) 22 U/L (60, 42, 44) 43 U/L (140, 89, 92) 5.5 % of total Hgb (6.4, 6.0)

and there you go... all other results in the Comprehensive metabolic panel were normal over the past four tests which span the past year... if you know what it all means, yay for you and maybe you see why I do not get concerned with the doctor's warnings of my impending demise and threat to stop seeing me as a patient cuz her lawyers and insurance company tell her I am a high risk patient... that is the amazingly misguided and misdirected mind of modern medicine today... and the longer I live the more I see why of the battle cry many a revolution included first, we kill all the lawyers...

I suppose I should not be amused... but I am peeing in a bottle, after all...