strange magic

an old voice in my head cautioned against the gym tonight cuz I only slept 3 hours last night and only napped an hour this evening and ate a whole lot of protein and calories today and was mindful of the potential for strain in the kidneys and sediment or stones and all the stuff that has been happening for the first six weeks of this reawakening process and so I went to the gym anyway and pushed more than I expected because it was minimal strain to reach higher levels tonight and drank 80 jounces of water during the first 50 minutes and would have continued past 70 minutes if the deputy didn't come to lock up and even though I ate a lot today I am the same weight I was last night and feel great now and it just goes to show how stupid the self-defeating scared of life/death lazy pathetic depressive voice can be and actualizing that realization once again is a strange magic...

and the rising energy level and vibes I am feeling and generating were rewarded by comments here which proves that actualized positivity begets more actualized positivity and so on and so forth and scooby dooby do dah day oh day ay ay ay oh, daylight come and I'm on my way home...

work was a joke today because I didn't have most of my files and folders all day so I helped someone else do a report and put colors and new features in the spreadsheet I did have access to and just sat around wasting time a lot...

the reason I didn't sleep much last night was the energy level was high and I decided to go with the adrenaline rush and feed the body at 3am and so I cooked almost a pound of fish (sea bass, halibut, and tuna) and a sauces made of spinach, onion soup, fat-free and 2% fat cheese, and other spices... I finally nodded off sometime around 5:30am... I drank coffee at work for the first time in weeks, but I'm not sure I needed it... I left work a half hour early and my intention was to nap for at least four hours before the gym and when I got home I nodded off within a half hour, but an hour later Precious arrived to put on her prom dress and she and Raspy and her prom date woke me so I took pictures and then got into Stargate and then went to the gym and here we are...

fascinating exciting life, aye?...

I'm going over to myspace now to check on an invite I got to a concert tomorrow, though Rasputin probably won't be home in time and if I wait for him we'll be at least an hour late, maybe more, definitely missing the 25 person VIP hour I was invited to... his schedule really cuts into any sort of social life... and if I decide I don't want to wait for him I've got no way to reach him cuz he still has no phone and doesn't even have an extension at work these days... this sedentary couch potato life is not compatible with my attempt to be more active and social...

he wants to go out more, but he usually comes home and nods right off on the couch... maybe I'll go on time and leave him a note that I went and he can meet me there if he wants to whenever he gets home, showers, and drives downtown...

and then, dunno... maybe enter the data in the mostly dead log pages... maybe other writings?... a little hungry again... should probably just sit and nod off, but the energy level remains high... I'd probably have jogged around the nieghborhood after the gym if it wasn't raining... that would have really tested the kidneys but good... gotta happen sooner or later...

so today is a big YAY day cuz the body is responding well and the mind is finding more positivity and I feel like grey skies are gonna clear up so I'm finding my happy face glowing brighter than is has in some time and not even the aloneness and lonelies are bringing me down cuz I'm at the bend in the tunnel where the light is clearly more visible (or something like that) and YAY :)

hope you find a YAY along your way too :)