caution, human at work

today, I did some work at work... I figure if I am going to interview for the much higher profile, much more time-sensitive job, I really ought to start catching up on my current work so I am up-to-date if I do leap and have to start training a new person... I might even have to take some of the job with me as there's a shortage of database savvy computer geeks in the place and I've souped-up the data job to the point where nobody has a clue how to do what I do unless I give it to them... hey, I didn't want to get board, after all... but I will look at ways to simplify...

the top dog (Administrator) stopped by my office to let me know he received my transfer request and intends to talk to me tomorrow about it... it's not a position left for the personnel director to interview... so maybe, like my former boss (who really ran the hospital) said, they do want me for this position rather badly and I might have a little more leverage than most would in the place... and the person leaving the positions has always said I'd be better than she is at it... of course the realist in me prepares for the worst and tells me that's optimistic thinking... the Administrator is painfully frugal... brutally cheap... cruel, even... so we shall see...

nice to get respect though :)

somewhere during the day I remembered that I forgot my BP med today... my subconscious doesn't hate being dependent on a pill too much, aye?.. so I get home and after sitting for just 5 minutes my BP is 111/72 with a pulse of 59... it's 115/73 and 55 now (almost 2am)... this just adds to the puzzle of what exactly set the BP off skyrocketing for that week last week... the doctor still hasn't returned my call... how does one go about finding a real doctor who knows about BP and treating kidneys and livers and most of all, human beings?... maybe I should consider a vet... and I don't mean veteran...

cynicism amuses me, especially when it's right...

and then, after talking about the NBA draft every day for a week or two (because Rasputin is majorly into it) and talking about it at work, I forget it's on tonight and tuned in late... and then, Raspy woke up and I forgot I was writing and catching up on life in RealTime™... so here we are again, together in this rambling way, and what's new?... am I really considering spending more mostly dead alone time in this over-crowded college-town suburb of Orlando?... can I import the changes I seek?... interesting questions, perhaps...

the offer will have to be good...

and my next thought is - I do not want to have a one track mind... more life, that is what I seek more than anything, more stuff to do and most of all, someone to do it with who is on my wavelength (is anybody?... I laugh, but it's the most serious question I've asked through this life... being different is not unique, but I've yet to meet anyone truly on my wavelength... connecting on all cylinders... putting the pieces of each other together to form one cohesive puzzle... I am so tired of the compromises, the bending, the patience...

and here I am considering making money a goal?... retirement would be sweeter... maybe I should start playing the lottery... or advertising for a sugar mommy... I suppose it would be easier to find one if I had more money to throw around... but the wavelength, maria, but the wavelength... I'm giggling from overtiredness I think, so it's bedtime for this bozo...

I have way too much fun learning to be human and mocking myself for it... I wonder how the DSM-V would categorize it... dissociative, perhaps... egomania and certainly schizoid tendencies... and we musn't forget bipolar, but actually, I'm more tri-polar, at least... being a stranger in a strange world is not the easiest thing to do when sharing is so much of what I want in this life in this world, ya know?... calling all aliens, find me... beam me up, or beam on down, or something...

how to expand my network (shifting the droning song from how to increase my net worth)... I've been trying the you tell two people and they'll tewll two people and so on and so on for decades... The Writer's Exchange and Paper Fantasies were two ways I tried through snail mail... and for the past decade, online rambling has been the way... and the way isn't working... too many words... too much irreverence... too weird... that's me, driving humans away in droves by being me...

see why I appreciate you guys so much?... you are unique... you put up with my ridiculousness, my teasing, my abstractions, my obscure references to meaningless trivia and seemingly endless diatribes (massive missives, even) asking for attention with much ado about nothing... you sometimes take me seriously, nobody else does, so never doubt my appreciation for you... if I was obscenely rich, I'd get seriously obscene all over you...

and you even understand what I mean... sometimes :)

and so, I leave another pile of words out here, three in a row (am I out?), and hope the song that remains the same played at this show that never ends feels ever more welcoming and strong enough to expand the contacts, the network, the chances for (and chances are) somebody somewhere will put the one in touch with me in this world... yup, that's why I'm here... why I'm still going... dreaming of touching the whole world... letting every living being in the universe know I am here (like the Whos down in Whoville) so I can find and touch and be with the one again for the first time forever...

and to think, I could be sleeping...

nite nite :)