out beyond the rainbow

well, that was a close one… the big green chair kind of collapsed around me… maybe it caught the cold bug that's trying to move into my nose and throat and head and wherever else it might take hold… wait, the Dove ultimate chocolate ice cream is melting… … . . . . . . … … ok, that's better… yum… what were we trying to put into words now?... ah yes, the big green chair had a few screws loose, trying to be more like me, i suppose, and it almost fell apart around me… luckily, i recently purchased a handy dandy $2 12-in-1 screwdriver and i somehow put the big green chair back together again… all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't have done a better job… they weren't furniture makers either…

so now i'm all tight and sitting up comfy in the big green chair again and it's time for another entry…

yesterday, the folk from Plato's Cave got together with the freethinkers (who find Bill Maher most amusing) to discuss the latest news in stem cell research and relative pros, cons, and irrational opposition (without any help from the psychics, as far as i can tell) and i almost drove over, but i decided to vege today instead and oh, did the naps feel good… i could be aware that Rasputin influenced me, as i woke to the alarm i set in time to shower and go, but gradually his influence helped me give into my laziness and hunger for a day of rest since i have had three busy days and nights in a row and this was the last day i could nap and oh well, i missed it…

but the nap was sweet…

so now i sit here comfy in the big green chair listening semi-intently to the latest releases from The Spill Canvas and Say Anything and find that youth continues to cry out in angst and drama and frustration, which suggests there might still be a little hope for humanity after all in spite of the god fixations and avoidance of responsibility at all costs that dominates, or at least permeates, everything… but just when you think angst and rage and emo is all they can do, along comes The Spill Canvas singing Lullaby and all i can do is smile…

i wonder if that embed the music player thing worked (we'll find out together after i upload this entry)… just press the play arrow...

meanwhile, yesterday, today, and possibly even tomorrow, i was, am, and quite possibly will be alluding to colors and energy fields and auras and dimensions and densities and all sorts of spacey ethereal stuff with my usual irreverent casual nonchalance (as opposed to tense or nervous nonchalance, i suppose, but don't forget, get too casual and you could become a casualty… yeah, i know, profundity… but whatever the truth or reality or facts of life or the universe, ever since i can remember i would hear new age enlightened folk (or those that claimed to be) ask about auras and color fields and energy densities and so on, i'd find amusement in listening to the deep pondering and seriousness of the conversations… when asked what color i was, i'd say rainbow without a second thought, or even a first, simply because i always loved rainbows, but after a thought, i found my head suggesting that i was of the invisible rainbow…

maybe just cuz i like being beyond the reach of everyone else… or maybe because i am… connected with everything is simply how it feels to be me when i am in touch with myself… as i pass through linear time in this world i have lost touch with my core now and then cuz i am getting really good at fitting in and around these parts, ignorance of the connection is the accepted status quo… maybe this whole learning to be human thing is not quite as casual irreverence as it sometimes seems, and, or... maybe this color scheme thinking is just one more illusion i paint around myself for the fun of it… who would ever really know, even close up, if i am not myself…

and then I hear a song that reminds me of a time when i would song to the one i loved and i remember what is missing from this life of casual laughter, playful distraction, and multi-layered irreverence… Logan Belle sings 2AM Song and i remember singing if it takes forever… i will wait for you and so many other songs and and and i remember me… and then, just for the fun of it (or to fend off the boredom or distract myself from the loneliness or babble... does anybody remember babble? or a stairway to heaven or some grand profound reason beyond human consciousness or for no reason at all), i forget everything all over again…

there is so much more to a rainbow that the human eye can see… there is so much more to life and this universe than the human mind knows… how could any human possibly believe that we are in control of anything… by creating an all powerful father figure who made us cooler than any other living thing in the universe?... how simply egocentric of us… how childishly self-centered… if we were open to bigger pictures or simply employed basic theories and understanding of human developmental psychology, we might see the whole god story as something on the level of of understanding and awareness of a very small child… and perhaps that is what the human species, collectively conscious, truly is… a life form not far developed from it's infancy, explaining everything from a simple me perspective, as if everything revolved around us… after all, we did believe everything in what we call the heavens did, once upon a time…

some still do, perhaps…

so anyway, whether this is serious thought from an enlightened being or the ravings of yet another egocentric child placing himself above even the egocentric culture that bore him, the unanswered questions are still where the most fun is found, for me at least, so i'll leave yet another question unanswered for you, for me, for posterity, and for the fun of it… maybe because this is the vast wisdom, the way it's supposed to be, god's will, no doubt, or some magical mystery tour of the mental ward we casually call my brain… you'll just have to decide for yourself, or not, cuz that's the fun you get to choose…

hopefully, you let your fun be fun... for now, i'll just keep playing my game with words in my head and letting what spills out appear where it will on the web... the momentary musical inspirations mix with the dance of the stars and the emotional roller coaster that this human body provides, the audio-visual simulation and creative inspirations available in everything, everywhere, anytime, and the instinctive penchant for finding fun in everything, from the most serious to what most might call nonsense, all and more fill my experience and thrill me on this journal through this linear time... and someday, as Dan Fogelberg suggests... love when you can, cry if you have to, be who you are, that's a part of the plan... await your arrival with simple survival, and someday we'll all understand...... yeah, so until then, whether you choose to drive or walk, spectate or participate, hang on or sit back, just do your best to relax and enjoy the ride :)